Saved
by crysta656
Summary: It was there where my life fell apart, where everything inside of me died. It was a simple decision really. Who would give up the opportunity to have a piece of heaven? I tried but I couldn't. I was so young, so naïve. A BellaxJasper story.
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone. I read a JasperxBella story yesterday and felt that pull again to do another story. I've missed doing them as Jasper is my favorite character in Twilight and I love writing him.

For a quick bit. In this story Bella is human (for now), Edward and the rest of the family are gone. So it picks up from where he left in New Moon.

I'm not entirely sure on the direction it will go, but we will enjoy it together and see where it goes. Enjoy!

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Chapter 1

Life for me at one point had been so simple. I was the daughter of Charlie Swan and Renee Dwyer. I was clumsy, intelligent, shy, awkward and an adult before I was a teenager. I kept to myself and watched life happen around me, not really wanting to join in.

It was the adult in me that made such drastic changes to my life. I saw the guilt and sadness in my mother's eyes when her husband would leave her for a trip because she couldn't accompany him. She was stuck with me, unable to follow her heart and dreams. I left my mother and moved to that tiny godforsaken place called Forks to be with my father.

It was there where my life fell apart, where everything inside of me died. It was a simple decision really. Who would give up the opportunity to have a piece of heaven? I tried but I couldn't. I was so young, so naïve.

The first time I looked at him I fell, and hard. My teenage mind won out over the adult and flirted with the notion of a future between myself and my angel, Edward.

He was everything you could ever want. Where most boys were hormone driven, rude and reckless; Edward was the opposite. He cared for my comfort, he never crossed the line sexually, he was the epitome of a gentlemen. The truth was that he cared for me too much.

He was my life, the reason I was able to breath and he was the reason for my now unbearable misery.

He was gone, they all were. They did it for me, to give me a chance at a normal life. They would never know now that they were gone that my life had gotten so far from normal.

It was sick how I waited for them to just show up in the cafeteria, how I would drive to their old house just to make sure that I didn't imagine their existence. I laughed morbidly to myself at that thought. Their existence and proof. They were vampires.

Most days I tried to block it out, the painful memories of a family that I loved so much. It wasn't just Edward that I missed. I was deeply mourning the loss of the family as well. Honestly I even missed Rosalie and her constant disdain for me.

I clutched my arm to my chest and pulled over onto the side of the road. Thinking of them always hurt. It was like having your insides torn out and then shoved roughly back in to remind you that they had been taken out.

The days after their departure had been sheer hell for me. I screamed, I cried, I begged for them to come back. My mother came out to see me, but I couldn't talk to her. I just wanted to be alone. There was no comfort left to me now.

Time passed for me slowly. The progression of days and months were torturous and weighed down heavily on my chest, making it difficult for me to breath on most days. Charlie sold my truck almost immediately after they left. I normally would have protested, but I didn't care. It only held memories, the good and the bad. The day after it had been sold there was a shiny, almost new gray SUV in the trucks normal spot.

Two weeks later my father put the house up for sale saying that we could both use a change of scenery. It sold less than a month later and we moved into a townhouse in Port Angeles. It was quite a drive for both of us, but it made it easier not being in the old house.

With the move I was tempted to change schools, but my traitor mind wouldn't let go of him. It made me tell my father no about a new high school, saying without consulting my heart that I had friends at Forks High School and that I wanted to finish out my education there. It was my penance for loving someone who was so far above me, someone who needed so much more than I was. There was nothing I could do about it though. I was only human, much to my detriment.

"Bells, do you want to concentrate to pull back onto the road?" Charlie asked me quietly.

At some point he had gotten used to this new me. I was afraid to be touched, I didn't like to talk and there were moments where I lost all control of my letting them wash over me and drown me.

He placed his hand softly on my shoulder to try and shake me out of it. I looked over at him and noticed for the first time in months that he looked older and more importantly tired; because of me. What had been laugh lines a few months ago turned to deep lines of worry. Where his body used to overfill his clothing they were now lose thanks to my refusal to cook. I don't think he blamed me, he only worried that his daughter was lost to him, that she wasn't his little girl. The child that he loved so much was broken in so many places and he couldn't fix it with a hug or a sit on his lap.

I shook my head, clearing out the misery and pulled back onto the road. "Sorry Dad. Lost my track of thought." I smiled sheepishly at him, knowing he wouldn't press for details. He knew exactly what I had been thinking.

"So," he started. "Graduation eh? You're no longer a kid, you're a full fledge adult now."

I laughed half heartedly. Tonight I was graduating from high school, saying good bye to my childhood and embracing life as an adult. I was graduating well. Not at the very top of my class, but high enough that I was able to get into any school that I wanted. My parents were proud and had bragged to anyone that would listen about how amazing their daughter was. When they went on that tirade I always rolled my eyes and walked away.

I had made the decision that before starting school I was going to take a year to travel. My parents pulled together and were funding it. Plane tickets to wherever I choose to go, hotel accommodations in each city I explored, and a credit card for emergencies. Luckily I had plenty of money saved from my part time job at Newtons and the small inheritance I had received from my uncle. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough that I would be able to indulge as long as I didn't go overboard. I couldn't exactly say that I was excited to go, but I knew that I needed to get away. I was leaving in three days and all I needed was to graduate and finish packing.

I pulled into the small parking lot of the high school and slid smoothly into a spot.

"You ready for this?" Charlie asked, extending his hand out towards the small football stadium that would hold the ceremonies.

I shrugged my shoulders. Of course I wasn't ready for it. I knew that the moment I would walk across the podium to receive my diploma I would fall over and break my nose on the hard ground.

"I guess so." I answered him quietly.

Forty five minutes later we were lined up and ready to walk down to the field to our seats. I couldn't see my father in the crowd so I decided to concentrate on not running into the girl in front of me. Poor thing wouldn't stand a chance if I was to crash into her. I giggled, but instantly thought of Alice and her natural grace. My thoughts sobered up quickly and turned dark again.

I took my seat and watched Ben Cheney walk up to the podium to start his Valedictorian speech. I saw Jessica Stanley sitting a seat down from me with tears falling down her face as he spoke.

"Wow! Seniors!" Ben started quietly, obviously amazed that we had made it this far. He was right. I couldn't believe that I made it this far. "My classmates, my friends. Today we leave behind our childhoods and move on into the world. Our education here at Forks High school has prepared us to...."

I drowned out what he was saying and sifted through my memories of the school and my time here. I had been happy at one point for a few months. I acted like a teenager, young and in love. I gossiped with the girls, I was carefree. The only downside was that it wasn't a full experience for me. I vividly remembered my junior year and the first part of my senior year. How could I forget it? I was surrounded by a family, I was with Edward. It was painted in my mind with outstanding colors and perfect clarity. The rest though, after they had gone was a blur. The images were faded, torn in some parts and gone completely in others.

"So, today we say goodbye to friends but hopefully not forever." Ben finished.

I stood and clapped along with the rest of my classmates. After order was restored Principal Greene took his place and started calling names. I sat down, relieved that this torture would be over soon. I was ready to lock this place in the back of my mind.

I received my diploma and made my way back to stand with the rest of my classmates.

"I wish each and every one of you health and prosperity in the rest of your lives." Principal Greene announced before the sky was littered with flying caps. I didn't bother throwing mine. I knew that my dad would like to keep it as a memento.

After receiving numerous hugs from friends that I hadn't spoken to in months I made my way over to my father. He pulled me into a tight hug.

"I'm so proud of you baby." His voice thick with emotion. I hoped that he wouldn't cry. "Let's go out to celebrate. Anywhere you want to go to dinner. It's on me." He smiled down at me.

"Sure thing Dad." I said trying to sound excited. If he wanted the truth I really just wanted to go home and go to bed. I wanted sleep to take away the pain that had been dredged up tonight. "Somewhere..."

My voice trailed off as I saw a figure standing on the edge of the field with a camera in his hand. I pulled back from my father stunned to see him. I looked at the man again, sure that my mind was playing tricks on me.

I didn't think, I just ran. I knew that he would flee that he wouldn't want to see me, but I had to try. My legs were screaming in protest and the heels of my shoes were sinking into the mud with each step.

I could tell that the man was ready to bolt, that he knew I had seen him. I don't know what happened but suddenly my body gave me an extra burst of speed and I was standing in front of him before he could run from me.

I took him in. Even from a few feet away I could smell that sweet, comforting scent that I had lost months ago. My eyes drank in his pale marble skin, his charcoal trousers and cream sweater. My sight moved up from his body to his face. I swear if I wasn't on drugs I would think I was hallucinating. His features were perfect,almost like they were carved from stone.

I could barely make myself think, tears were threatening to spill over onto my cheeks and my voice was gone. A sob was holding it back in my throat.

I was in his arms in a flash, holding onto him like my life depended on it. The video camera fell to the ground as his strong arms folded around me. He was here. A Cullen was here. I wasn't crazy.

"Jasper."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

This had to be a dream. Things like this just didn't happen in my life. I was lucky to have a chance at happily ever after, but it was gone. It didn't seem possible that I could be allowed to have even a sliver of joy, of hope.

That was what this was to me. Hope. Being held by a Cullen. It didn't matter that he had blond hair instead of bronze, that he was taller and leaner rather than tall and thin. All that mattered was that he was standing here, his stone arms embracing me, proving to me that he was real, that they were all real.

I stood there in his arms for what felt like hours. His hand traced comforting lines up and down my spine, but didn't stop touching me. It was almost heaven to me. I felt complete. I felt alive

I heard footsteps behind us and felt Jasper's muscles tense underneath me. He pulled back and stood me to his side. I didn't open my eyes because I didn't want this to end, this moment of content.

"Good Evening Chief Swan." His voice was rich with a slight southern accent.

I had never really noticed it before. My history with Jasper was pretty much nonexistent. He was the newest to the Cullen lifestyle and had a hard time adjusting. The proof of that was my birthday party before the Cullens left. It wasn't his fault that I was clumsy and couldn't even open a gift without causing a disaster.

If I wanted to admit the truth the whole thing was Edward's fault. As much as I hated to say it. When I sliced my finger I had known that Jasper wasn't going to hurt me. He was in control. It was only when he stepped forward that one inch that Edward feared for me and threw me back, trying to protect me. That was when it ended. One movement of his arm condemned me to this half life.

It had taken me weeks to understand what happened that night, weeks to exonerate myself from the guilt I felt at breaking that family.

"You're a Cullen boy aren't you?" My father asked, using all the authority that came with being a cop for so many years. He didn't look pleased. His eyes were narrowed in on Jasper, daring him to lie.

"Yes sir." Jasper replied tersely.

"Bella," my father looked at me. "Why don't you go say hello to the Newtons and thank them for all of their help."

I knew a command when it was issued. I didn't want to walk away. I looked up at the blond man at my side, my eyes pleading with him to not leave, to not disappear on me, to stay even if it was only for an hour.

He must have picked up on my desperation because he nodded at me to go. I looked up at my father, narrowing my eyes at him, daring him to scare Jasper off. He ignored me and pushed me softly in the directions of the Newtons.

Luck seemed to be with me because they had moved over closer to where we were standing. I exhaled loudly, earning me a smirk from Jasper when I looked back at him. From this stance I would be able to hear everything my father was going to say.

"Bella," Mrs. Newton's soprano voice sang to me as she pulled me into a tight hug. "Congratulations sweetheart. We are so proud of you."

I nodded and went along with whatever she was saying. I leaned my head further over so that I could hear better the interaction going on a few feet from me.

"Why are you here Mr. Cullen?" My father asked.

"Esme and Carlisle wanted to see Bella's graduation so I volunteered to come out and video tape it for them. They are missing her quite badly sir."

Charlie's face turned a bright shade of red then deepened with a purple twinge. Even from my spot away from them I could see his jaws grinding against each other. "Missing her? They are missing her?"

My father was near screaming now.

"If they cared so much about her well being then why didn't they call or write? Why couldn't they say good bye to her in person? Do you know what she has been through since then?"

I decided that now was the time to step in. I thanked the Newtons and told them I would send postcards. I made my way back over to them and practically glued myself to Jasper's side.

"Isn't it nice to see Jasper Dad?" Charlie looked at me like I had lost my mind.

I turned to Jasper, not knowing how much longer he would be here. "Please, give us just a moment."

He smiled. "Of course. I will wait here."

I grabbed a hold of Charlie's arm and steered him over a few feet. I knew that Jasper would overhear with his sensitive hearing but I didn't care. Privacy wasn't exactly high on my priority list. Getting my father to understand how much this meant to me was.

"Dad, please. I need this. I know this is hard for you, one of them being here, but I need this. I will never move forward unless I know." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, ready to trail hot and salty down my cheeks. I touched his arm, begging for him to understand.

He sighed deeply and looked at me his face set in a rigid line. "I'm not happy about this Bells. Spend time with him tonight and find the closure you need. Mark from the station is here and will give me a ride if I ask."

"That won't be necessary Dad. Take my car and go home. Jasper will make sure that I get home safely." He grunted, obviously not agreeing with my statement.

I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Thank you for understanding."

I handed him the keys and watched him walk off to talk to some of the guys from the station and their kids. I walked over to the spot where Jasper was standing, deliriously happy that he was waiting for me.

We started walking out to his car. "I know that this is difficult for you Jasper." God, this wasn't coming out right at all. I breathed in deeply and started again. "I'm sure that I'm not exactly the best person for you to be around but I would love to talk to you. If that wouldn't be too much to ask of you."

"Calm down Bella. I'm not going anywhere, well yet at least." He chuckled. "Honestly, I'm in control right now. You have nothing to fear from me."

I looked at his eyes and saw the beautiful gold color that I had come to love so much and wasn't afraid anymore. I was probably crazy and anyone who had seen Jasper the way I had a few months ago would have probably ran for their lives; calling on every God in the heavens to help them.

He opened the door to a sleek gray BMW and I slid into the car without making a fool of myself and tripping. He jumped in on the other side and started to engine.

"Hungry?" He asked as we pulled out of the parking lot.

"Not really. Honestly, I'm too excited to eat right now."

He laughed and followed the road that would take us to his former home. We didn't talk, I just basked in his presence. He pulled into the long, winding drive way and parked in front of the large white house.

He got out and walked over to my side of the car. I stepped out and started to make my way up the steps to the house.

Instantly I was hit with a barrage of emotions. Every happy memory that this house held for me slapped me in the face and near doubled me over in pain.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jasper's hand clasp on tightly to the wood pillar, crushing it in his palm.

"Do you think that maybe we could go some place else?" I asked. "I'm not usually this upset when I come out here. I guess it's just been an eventful day."

His grip relaxed and his gaze searched my face like he was trying to read my thoughts. He nodded and we got back into the car. We decided to just drive around, maybe head out to the coast.

About fifteen minutes into the drive the conversation started.

"When I got to the house last night, I thought I caught your scent lingering. I'm not wrong am I?" He asked softly. "You go there don't you? You try to remember us." He wasn't asking, he was stating the truth.

"You're right," I began. "I do go to the house for that reason. I guess the fanciful side of my brain is hoping that one day I will be there and you guys will all be there waiting for me." I admitted, ashamed that I did this and no one knew that I did. Charlie never asked why I got home late. I only stopped by on the nights that I was working at the store and was already in Forks.

I decided to steer the conversation away from that for now. "How are you doing? What have you been doing?"

I was hoping that he would take the hint and just keep talking. I had missed them all so much that I could listen to him talk for hours even if it was just him saying cow over and over again. It was sweet music to my ears. I knew that my time was limited and that he wouldn't stay so I would milk it for everything that I was worth.

"I have been well. I've been taking night classes on philosophy at Ithaca." He didn't go any further into detail and I was disappointed. "Why don't we talk about what it is that is first and foremost in your mind?"

I blushed, feeling the heat pool in the apples of my cheeks. Of course he would know. You didn't have to be a mind reader to know that I was thinking of him. As much as I tried not to I couldn't not think of him. He was in my mind when I woke up, when I sat in class, when I went to bed at night. His face always swam before my eyes, his words always echoed in my ears. I always felt him because the ache in my heart was now my constant friend.

"How is he?" I asked softly. I couldn't bring myself to say his name out loud. I heard it enough in my mind, I didn't have the strength to actually formulate his name to my lips. It was too painful.

He drew an unneeded breath and wrapped his fingers more securely around the steering wheel. I was sure that if he had blood flowing in his veins his knuckles would have turned white.

Before he could speak we pulled up to the beach access and parked. I opened the door and started to make my way down to the beach. I stopped and turned around realizing that he wasn't following. He was getting something out of the trunk of the car. A blanket. I laughed because I hadn't even felt the chill in the air. Crazy that it was the end of May and the weather was still cold.

He walked beside me holding onto my elbow to steer me over the sand. I was clumsy and knew that such a soft surface couldn't be good for dexterity. He wrapped the thick white blanket around me and sat next to me on the moon kissed sand.

I took in our surroundings. The full moon was high in the sky causing the sand to almost glow. I looked at the man sitting next to me, the pale light casting shadows on his face as we sat in the dark.

"Edward is doing as well as can be expected." He looked at me and I felt a wave of sympathy brush against me.

"Oh." Was all I could say.

"He has been traveling, composing, pretty much keeping to himself." He looked off into the almost black water. I could tell he was holding something back. I looked at him urging him to continue.

"Bella, you have to understand. This life..." he trailed off. "This life is a difficult one. We have all had to make sacrifices and you are Edward's. He left you, we left you," he corrected. " We left to give you a chance. A chance to live your life the way you were meant to."

He was silent for a moment and so was I. I had known that he would say this because it was the exact thing that Edward had said. I tried to let it sink in, hoping that it would help relieve some of the pressure in my chest. It didn't. It only angered me and I felt myself ready to lash out.

"The life I was meant to live. Am I understanding you correctly or did I just hear a load of shit come out of your mouth?" I laughed darkly. "Didn't any of you think that maybe the path I was on was the path my life should have taken?"

His eyes hardened as he caught my glare. "Bella."

I didn't give him a chance to continue. "No! I feel like my life has ended. I can't move on! I am stuck in this world that you all left me in. I am alone. I can't function."

I stood up, the blanket falling to ground. I walked away for a second and walked back to kneel in front of him. I grasped his arms with my hands, forcing him to look at me, forcing him to understand. "This life that he has condemned me to is no life worth living. How would you feel to know that you weren't good enough, that you..." The tears were falling fast and hot down my cheeks.

"That you what Bella?" He asked, his voice icy.

"That you weren't enough. Plain and simple." I feel back and rested my arms on my legs. The truth that I had been hididng from for so long had finally sunk in.

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Here you go guys. Chapter 2. WOW! This was so fun. I forgot how much I LOVE writting Bella and Jasper as well as hard felt, gut wrenching emotion. Such amusement, such joy I am getting right now. Review my darlings!!


	3. Chapter 3

Saved - Chapter 3

I wasn't enough. Plain and simple.

The words sounded so final and had a bittersweet ring of truth. I couldn't help the feeling of my stomach churning, threatening to spill its contents. The words had cut, leaving a deep wound. Saying them out loud and in front of someone else had finally made them true. I had always known I was out of depth with Edward, with all the Cullen's for that matter.

I sat next to Jasper on the beach and watched the light from the moon dance across the surface of the waves. I expected to feel the all encompassing pain that usually went with my logic, but it didn't come. All I felt was a total numbness taking over my body. I welcomed it, I had wished for it for so long, the release from this pain.

In this moment I knew he was gone. My heart would no longer recognize him. It would be like a form of amnesia. In biology I had learned there are some animals who would play dead in order to not be attacked. That's what my body was doing. It was protecting itself from further harm. I guess you can only stand in a fire for so long before it finally consumes you. I had been awash in pain and now it was gone. It would live deep within me, but the flames had been put out, leaving me cold and empty.

"You were enough for us," Jasper's voice said softly beside me. He didn't look at me, he just continued to gaze out over the water with his ageless eyes.

"You're wrong," was all I could say in response. "I think you should take me home now."

He nodded his head and grabbed my hand to help me up. I flinched back away from him. He was one of them, a vampire, a Cullen. I knew the action would hurt him and I was right. A flash of guilt crossed his features, but was then replaced by a calm acceptance.

It seemed to take forever for us to reach Port Angeles. Jasper didn't seem to mind the slow speed, but I guess when you're going to live for eternity a few hours meant nothing. It wasn't the length of the trip I minded, I just didn't think I could take the stone cold silence that permeated the air in the car any longer. I felt no need for conversation, but in the close interior my ears found it odd that there were no words to say.

In my brief admission on the beach I had forced the past out of my life. I couldn't say I was looking forward to the future because that was a lie and I was going to make sure I didn't lie to myself again. For now, I was going to live in the present, regardless of how my life would press in on me. I had finally gotten what I wanted; freedom from my past, from Edward, from my own emotions.

Jasper's car slid soundlessly into a spot outside of our townhouse. I didn't ask for any more information. It would mean nothing to me now.

"Thank you for showing up. It was kind of Esme and Carlisle to think of me. Please tell them it meant a lot to me."

I got out of the car and headed to the front door. Before I could slide the key into the knob a cool hand grasped my warm one and turned me in another direction.

"You still have a family, Bella. Whether you want us or not!" He didn't raise his voice while speaking. He delivered his lines in that smooth, serene voice that reminded me so much of the calm head of the Cullen family. "Did you ever stop to think of what it was like for the rest of us? Do you not know the guilt each of us has felt with our desertion?"

"How could I know anything, Jasper? All of you left without a word. As far as I knew, you were all happy to go because in all this time none of you ever came back or ever said a word indicating otherwise." The wave of sadness and guilt rolling off him hit me hard, but I stood silently, unaffected, staring at my feet.

"Bella, Carlisle and Esme lost a daughter they had come to cherish. Alice and Emmett lost a beloved sibling. Rose, even in all of her selfishness, feels guilt for leaving you behind. Even I have felt remorse. Along with that, I'm shouldering the weight of everyone else's emotions along with my own. I know it was my fault we left. I put you in that position, and it's because of me you're here alone now."

I tried to block out what he was saying. It wasn't that his words stung, they just made the emptiness inside me grow. "I'm truly sorry for the disruption I've caused within your family. Please tell them all how much they meant to me. Outside of that I have nothing left to give my past. There's nothing left of me to give."

I walked away from him, not daring to look back. It wouldn't do me any good to see the look on his face. I know he could feel the deadness with me, and it would surely be reflected on his face. It would only serve as a reminder, an image that would be burned into my mind until the day I died.

"I'll be staying in Forks for a few days. We're putting the house up for sale. There's nothing left for us here now. Contact me if you need anything."

I heard the car pull out and turn the corner, and I knew he was gone.

I picked my keys up off the ground that I hadn't even realized I'd dropped in my haste. I walked into the living room and sat my stuff down on the hall table. I made my way from room to room trying to imprint these walls on my memory and erase the previous ones.

My dad and I had left everything at the old house, furniture, dishes, everything. We started new.

In the living room the walls were a bright white, with only one photo hanging to break up the colorless expanse. It was a picture of my mother, my father and myself as a child. The couches were a deep brown microfiber. They were used so little, you could still smell the packaging they had been wrapped in during shipping. There was no television in the room. As a matter of fact, the only one in the house was in Charlie's room so he could watch games.

The kitchen followed suit with bright white walls, as did the walls in the rest of the house. We had decided to leave colors out of the new house. I couldn't look at anything that had a particular shade of gold or red. My father, not one for flash and brightness anyway, had willingly gone along with the white scheme. Hanging above the small island in the center of the kitchen were pots hanging from a rack. They, as well as most of the things, went unused. Nothing collected dust because I was meticulous about cleaning, I just couldn't bring myself to do any of the normal things I used to do.

I peeped my head in through Charlie's door and saw that he was fast asleep. I smiled when I heard a soft snore escape his body. I would miss my father while I was gone. I had grown used to his presence the past year and a half. I would miss the quiet evenings filled with him reading the paper on the couch. I would miss the dinners we would have out. I would miss the comfort of knowing he was only a few feet away in another room at night.

I closed the door quietly and made my way into my room. It was the plainest room you could imagine. Everything was white. The carpet, the walls, even the bedding. The only thing that broke it up was the black metal head and foot board of my bed. There were no pictures of friends from parties scattered around, there were no school books, or any books for that matter. On the desk there was a pencil sitting in a small cup, and a lamp. There were no loose papers littering its surface and there were no doodles like you would expect to see in a teenage girl's room.

I sank down onto my bed and looked over to see my suitcases out and ready to be packed. Deciding not to put it off any longer, I pulled all my clothing down from the hangers and from my drawers and folded them into meticulous, neat piles, arranged by color. With that done I pull out the new tan leather handbag my mother had sent me as a graduation gift. I filled it with my wallet, checkbook, credit cards, passport, and a tube of lip gloss. I packed an extra cell phone battery and charger. With my task done, I had nothing left to occupy myself.

Jasper's words repeated over and over in my head. Knowing I couldn't stay any longer I grabbed my keys and piled my suitcases into my SUV. I called the airline to see if I could change my flight. The first destination I was visiting was Prague. I would have to leave for the airport in four hours if I wanted to catch the next flight. It was worth it. I couldn't stay here any longer and allow my life to continue this way. Even a few days was too much.

"Mmm?" the sleepy voice of my father mumbled as I tried to wake him up.

"Dad?" I prodded his shoulder gently.

He opened his eyes and looked briefly at the small alarm clock on his nightstand and then at me. "Bells? What's wrong?"

"I have to go, dad. I called the airlines and had my flight moved up. I just can't stay any longer. I need to get away," I pleaded with him. Hoping he wouldn't ask too many questions.

He sat up slowly, shaking the sleep from his eyes. "What brought this on?" He seemed thoughtful for a second and then his eyes narrowed sharply as he remembered the events of this evening. "What did he do?"

"Nothing, dad. I promise. I'm just ready to go. I don't want to wait any longer," I said calmly.

I reached over and hugged him to me tightly. "Don't forget there are three meals a day. Ice cream does not count as breakfast food. Laundry needs to be separated when it's done. Lights in one load, darks in another. Oh, and never wash bright colored clothes with anything else. Towels, too. They lint badly when they're in the dryer." I broke off trying to remember if there was anything else. "My cell number is on the fridge and I left you a few calling cards so you can call me. Also, next week a Mrs. Caldwell will start coming every Thursday. She's your cleaning lady. I've stocked up on products so she shouldn't need anything for a while."

Charlie smiled at me and pulled me into his arms once again. "Call me when you land, kid. I love you."

Deciding to not have him walk me out, I kissed his cheek and locked the door on the way out.

I took my time driving. It took everything in me to not turn and make one last stop by the Cullen house as I passed. To avoid it, I turned the stereo up and rolled down the window.

I checked my bags and waited for the plane to board. When they called my row I walked through the gate and looked back once to say goodbye, not only to this part of the world, but more importantly I was saying farewell to the girl I once was.

I put my carry on in the overhead compartment and settled myself down into the seat. It was going to be a long flight. I heard the woman behind me ask if they were showing a movie. The flight attendant had assured her they were. It was some comedy or another with some well know funny actor. It didn't interest me. I let my head fall back against the soft fabric of the seat and closed my eyes.

I could hear the flight attendant calling out instructions for what to do in an emergency and saying when the drink cart would be by.

"Sir, you need to take your seat. We're taking off in just a few minutes," her voice interrupted to chastise a late boarding passenger.

I felt the seat next to me lower as the man sat next to me. Joy, just what I needed. Someone to sit next to who had no respect for schedules or other people's concerns.

I slowly opened my eyes as an old familiar scent reached my nose. I looked over and felt my heart pounding in my chest.

"Jasper! What are you doing here? You shouldn't be on a plane." I shot him a dark look. It was dangerous for him to be here. There were so many people in such a small enclosure. He would be bombarded second after second with their wide range of emotions and their continuous pumping blood.

"None of that matters. I'm here to save you."


	4. Chapter 4

Ok, when I posted Chapter 3 I had planned on it being a joke about quitting the story. I am sorry if I overly offended anyone with my quitting of it. I had intended to continue and post the next chapter later tonight. Just to reassure you, the story will be continuing but I cannot promise rapid updates. I have a few other things I have been working on and have truly lost my muse with several of the stories I was working on.

Also, not that the bad reviews weren't deserved, but there were some very acidic comments left. I am positive that I did not enjoy them and I am sure that anyone else who had recieved it would have felt the same. A good review or a bad review is always nice because it lets the author know that they are reading. However, being down right rude to an author on here should be unacceptable. I won't say anything else on the matter, but I was offended. I deserved it, but was offended none the less.

So, I hope if you don't hate the story (despite what you think of me) that you will continue reading. Enjoy the chapter.

As always, thank you to my amazing beta and friend Catherine (dollybigmama). You fix everything up and keep me in line. You rock and I wish that you would move in with me and be my therapist.

Again, I do apologize for my joke. I have a nasty sense of humour and I took it too far. It was impolite of me to offer you a story and then take it away. I do regret it now and hope that you won't hold it against me or any of my stories.

* * *

Saved

Chapter 4

"Save me?" I looked at him incredulously. He had to be kidding me. There was no hope for me. The only thing I had left to do was to pull my life back together. To stitch the pieces of my broken self into one whole piece. Who was I kidding? That would never happen. Like a puzzle I may be able to put my life into some semblance or order, but without the missing piece it would always be incomplete. "What are you really doing here?"

"Alice called. Edward asked for her to not watch out for your future, but it was too difficult for her. She kept getting glimpses and when she saw this she called me to watch out for you." He said quietly.

That was something else entirely. I looked to Alice as my sister, as my best friend. Her desertion almost hurt worse than Edwards. At least he took the time to say goodbye. No matter what he said to me in the forest I wouldn't believe that Alice would leave without a farewell unless she really didn't want to say goodbye.

"Jasper, this is just ridiculous. You need to just leave me be. How else will I move on if you are around me?" I could feel the anger flowing in waves now. "I look at you and I see him. Your skin, your smell, your eyes. For Christs sake we had to sell our house because it held to many memories. Charlie had to sell my car because I refused to drive it! Have I not suffered enough because of your family?"

I didn't care that my voice had reached an angry peak and passengers were starting to stare. I needed to get my point across. I needed him to understand.

"Isabella," he said sternly. "Do everyone a courtesy and lower your voice. What we did was wrong. We should not have left you because of Edward. I cannot take back what I have done to you and neither can my family. It's up to you whether or not you give us a chance, but either way in a few hours when we land there will be a welcoming committee waiting for us like you wouldn't believe."

As much as the idea of actually seeing them excited me, I knew I wasn't ready for it. "Jasper, I don't think I can. As much as I would like to see everyone, I just don't think I can do it."

He looked at me, understanding echoed in the depths of his eyes. "I understand, truly I do. But give us a chance. We won't bring him up and you won't have to see him. Just give us this chance. You have a years worth of time to travel. Just give some of that time to us. Please?'

"OK, but the minute it starts to fall apart I'm gone. Do you understand?" I was determined to be firm on this.

"Deal. Now, have you seen this movie? I honestly don't think that Will Farrell is that funny."

I looked at him for a second. It almost sounded like he was speaking a foreign language. "What are you talking about?"

He laughed, it was deep and hearty. "The movie. Talladega Nights. You know, the one that's playing on the screen in front of you."

I watched a few minutes of the racing comedy and found it to be humorous, but in my current mood I couldn't bring myself to let go and just laugh.

"So, you don't want to talk about the movie. I want you to tell me about your life. All of it, your childhood, your school experiences and your plans for the future." He said probing me for information.

"Jasper, why do you want to know this?" It was actually a boring tale up until my junior year of high school and he knew what happened beyond that.

"Truthfully, it helps me relax and not think about slaughtering everyone on board. So, please indulge me. Tell me about calculus, whatever you would like. Just talk."

"Well, you know my mother, Renee. She is just a grown up child. She met Charlie when she was young, married him, and had me too much longer. They tried to make their marriage work, but the truth was that my dad was just to settled for her. She still wanted to have a life. She wanted to live somewhere exciting, she wanted to have an adventurous life. She couldn't do those things with a cop who lived in a small lumber town. So, we left."

I remembered the day clearly. My mom had packed our stuff and left a note for my dad on the table. It gave the information for her lawyer and the number of where we would be staying. Underneath the note she had set divorce papers. We left a few hours before he got home. I remembered driving through the rain soaked town, saddened at our leaving.

"After that I took care of my mom. She is hair brained, is always hatching some idea in her brain, she does before she thinks, and the truth is that I think she is selfish. She left the parenting role up to me." I didn't mean for that bit to slip out.

"So you resent her?" He asked quietly. "Thats what I'm picking up off of you."

I sighed heavily. "Yes, but no." I hated admitting to this. "I used to not resent her, but after all of you left I started to. If it wasn't for her not wanting to leave Phil I would have stayed in Arizona. I would have finished high school and gone to college just like any other kid. I would have partied and stayed out at all hours of the night." I laughed, well I might not have done those things. "If she would have stayed I wouldn't have came to Forks. I wouldn't have met your family and I wouldn't be in the situation that I am now."

He didn't say anything. Jasper had never been the talker in the Cullen household. That role was always left up to Alice, who flitted from room to room drawing everyone into her conversation. Or it would have been Esme, who would sit everyone down in the living room just to see how everyone was feeling and to talk about the day. The only other major conversationalist was Rosalie and I never got to know the sweet side of her. All I knew from her were snide remarks and cold glares. It wasn't much to build a relationship, let alone a friendship on.

"And what of your plans for the future? Outside of this trip that you have planned?" He asked while keeping his gaze centered on the seat in front of him. What did he honestly see while staring at it? Was he trying to count the number of threads or something? I'm sure with his super sensitive sight it wouldn't be an issue to count them all as well as the fibers woven into each thread.

"Well, for now I am just trying to relax and put my past behind me, but apparently you and your family have other plans for me." My tone was sarcastic and held a bit of a bite to it. I didn't mean for it to come out that way, but I was still a little angry with the whole situation.

I was trying to accept the fact that I would be seeing them in just a few hours. I knew the emotions I would feel. The hate, the hurt, but most importantly the betrayal. I knew that it would hurt to see them and that I would hurt them again. There would be no way that I would be able to talk with them and sit in the same room and not express the pain that they had caused me. Regardless of their intentions, their abandonment had hurt and hurt deeply. It wasn't something that I was likely to forget just upon seeing them.

"You know, I can feel everything that you feel. I don't need to read minds to know what you're going through. Your emotions are screaming at me of your feelings." He studied me for a moment, like one would look at a piece of art and try to figure out the meaning of it. "We all care for you and understand that this will not be easy for you."

I laughed and awarded him a smile.

"I will be there the entire time, standing next to you." His voice sounding so trustworthy and rang with honesty. I couldn't help but want to believe him.

"Promise?" I asked tentatively.

"Right there. You can even hold my hand if you like."

I giggled just thinking of holding onto his hand. The man had almost killed me months ago and now he was offering his support and reassurance.

When the plane landed he reached up and grabbed my carry one. I didn't want to unbuckle my seatbelt. The truth was that I didn't even want to get off the plane. I would be more than happy to keep myself strapped in and fly back to the States if it meant that I wouldn't have to face them all and see the disappointment in their eyes when they saw that I didn't envelop them as I once would have.

Jasper waited for the last passenger to leave the plane before he leaned across the seat and made quick work of pulling me to my feet.

I followed him, but grudgingly. I was battling with my body to put one foot in front of the other as we walked to the gate. My brain was screaming at me to run, to not put myself through this, but my traitorous heart was telling me otherwise.

Without thinking I reached for Jasper's hand and held on for dear life.

When we rounded the corner I saw the figures of the family I had once called my own. I felt the panic rise in my chest. I knew Jasper felt it because he leaned down to whisper in my ear. His hair tickling my neck and his cool breath raising goosebumps across my heated skin.

"I will make you a deal. If you smile at them when we get close I will promise not to bite you."

I could almost feel his smile. It was infectious and I found a similar one on my own when he leaned away from me.

"Well, I won't bite too hard."

A small laugh escaped my lips as we were standing in front of them. I took in each of their faces and knew I was ready to face them. They were my family, despite their actions. To think that I could just turn away from them wasn't something that I just wasn't capable of doing.

I felt their nervousness and knew realized that they were as unsure as I was.

I decided to take the first step. I stood in front of Esme and pulled her into my arms instantly. Her body, racked with dry sobs held onto me tightly.

"Welcome home sweetheart."

Her words were undeniable. They were my home and with them was were I belonged. Edward was changing my destiny when he ripped them away from me. In that instant I realized that I wouldn't be leaving and they wouldn't be running.

I was home.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you to my beta Catherine (dollybigmama) for doing such a wonderful job!

Chapter 5

The tears flowed hot and heavy down my cheeks as I clutched onto my family with all the strength I had in me. As I came in contact with their cold skin and their delicious scent wafted into my nose, I felt whole. I couldn't get enough of them, even Rose.

We made our way to the baggage claim and Emmett loaded my luggage onto the cart. I didn't feel the need to speak with them, just being with them was enough for me. I didn't feel the need to fill in the silences with words when there were thoughts that weren't so kind in the back of my mind. It wasn't the time to rip them and myself apart with the past; that would come later, after I had gotten my fill of them.

I sank into the back of Carlisle's black Mercedes with Alice on one side, her head on my shoulder, while Esme was on my other side with her arms wrapped around me. It wasn't a comfortable position physically, but my heart was content and any discomfort to my body was worth it.

We drove through the city and out into the surrounding countryside. My eyes were blurry with tears, making it difficult to appreciate the landscape of a new country.

Carlisle drove effortlessly along the winding driveway. The sides were lined with tall trees and white statues, greened slightly with age and weather.

I disentangled myself from Esme's arms as I got out of the car to see the house I would be staying at for who knows how long.

I didn't know what the home would look like. In my mind I had expected a Cullen house to look like the white mansion in Forks. I imagined lots of glass, clean lines and Victorian charm. This house was so much more. Standing in front of me was a large, cream colored, stone structure. The front door was a rich, thick mahogany with an intricate crest engraved over the double doors. The mullioned windows shone brightly with pale yellow light. There were four floors to the house that wrapped around the circular drive.

"Oh my..." My voice trailed off as I took in the beautiful fortress in front of me.

It was fantastic and I couldn't wait to take and send photos to my mother. She, I was sure, would say it looked like a fairy tale castle. All it would need was a long bridge, bright banners flying from the turrets, and most importantly a knight in shining armor with a noble white steed.

Esme smiled at me and pulled my arm gently so I would follow her into the house. As unprepared as I was for the outside, I was nearly paralyzed with the interior. I had always known the Cullen's had exceptional taste, but this was beyond anything I had ever seen.

Historical artifacts were scattered perfectly around the room on multiple tables that stood along the wall in the foyer. Priceless paintings lined the walls. At the top of the stairs, before they split, was a massive painting of the Cullen family. I took in Edward's masterfully artistic face and looked around quickly into the rooms that were in my sight.

"He isn't here, and I promise that he won't interfere with your time here. This is for us, to get to know you again," I heard Rosalie say as she stepped beside me. "Would you like to get something to eat or would you prefer to rest up and shower?"

It seemed tonight was going to be a night full of surprises. Rosalie had never been mean to my face, but she had never tried to hide her dislike for me, either.

"If you wouldn't mind, I could do with a quick shower. I hate flying and never feel right until I clean up and wash the stale air of the plane off."

"Of course. I'll show you to your room." She smiled at me and it was truly an enchanting smile, a genuine smile. I was so used to sneers from her that I couldn't help but smile back at her.

I followed Rose up the winding stairs and down endless hallways. I was out of breath and starting to sweat by the time we made it to the tall white door that stood entrance to my room. She opened the door slowly, only heightening my excitement.

The room was stunning. The walls were a beautiful cream with blue silk drapery. A tall four poster bed, covered in pale blue bedding, sat near floor to ceiling French doors that opened to a balcony overlooking a large lake. On the right side of the room there was a door that led to a dreamy bathroom. A large marble tub sat in the corner with ornate silver fixtures. There was a massive closet that was bigger than my entire room at Charlie's house. I expected it to be empty, but hanging along the back were white garment bags I was sure were filled with costly couture creations.

I sighed and made my way over to the small sitting area in front of the fireplace. I sank into one of the delicate chairs and smiled with content.

"So, you like it?" Rose asked quietly behind a grin.

"Like it? It's perfect." There weren't words to describe how much I appreciated the room and how excited I was to be here.

"Well, I'll leave you to freshen up." She made her way soundlessly to the door and graced me once again with a dazzling smile. "I'll try to keep Alice out of here until you're ready. I can smell cooking, so I'm sure Esme has something good for you to eat."

I waited for the door to click shut behind her and ran into the bathroom. I turned the knobs and poured some of the jasmine bath salts into the water that was steaming it was so hot. I relaxed my body and laid my head back to rest against the cool marble.

I used my time soaking to try to collect my thoughts. As soon as I got out I would need to call Charlie and let him know I had arrived safely. I hated that I was going to lie to him about what I was really doing, but I needed this. I needed the closure of my past and a new start to my future. With those thoughts I felt my body relax and my eyes close.

An hour later I woke up to find the water had cooled and the taught skin that covered my hands and feet were wrinkled and soggy. I sighed and eased myself out of my comfortable position. I grabbed the white robe that hung near the door and wrapped my body in its thick folds.

I grabbed my cell phone and opened the large glass door that led to the balcony outside of my room. My nose was instantly assaulted with the sweet scent of roses and gardenia. My room overlooked a large garden filled to the brim with an assortment of stunning blooms and trailing greens.

I sank down on top of the chaise and dialed Charlie's number. He picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?" his deep voice answered into the receiver.

"Hey, dad. I was calling to let you know I landed and I'm at the hotel." I wanted to keep the conversation short. The less I explained to him, the less lies I would have to keep straight.

"That's good, kid. How was the flight? Long, I bet?" He was curious. I banged the phone into my forehead a few times, remembering how horrible I was at dishonesty.

"The flight was good. No turbulence. Honestly, dad, I slept through most of it."

"So, what's it like? A new country, do you feel you can breathe any better?" The man was not going to let up tonight.

"Look, dad, I'm really wiped. Do you mind if I give you a call tomorrow? I'm dying to jump in the tub then sleep the night away." I hoped the jet lag I had felt earlier would be evident in my voice.

"Sure thing, Bells. Enjoy your rest and... well, this is good for you."

"Love you, dad."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow and I'll give your mom a ring to let her know you landed safely."

A few more pleasantries and the line clicked to a pleasant hum. I sat there, just taking in the fresh air and change of scenery.

"Penny for your thoughts?" a quiet voice sounded over my shoulder.

I smiled back at the blond man and his petite wife, with her billowing caramel hair.

"We brought you some light food. I wasn't sure what you would be hungry for, so I guessed." Esme looked between me and the plate of food she was holding in her hands.

I sat up and pulled myself to the small iron table. The food really was delicious. Fettuccine pasta over a grilled chicken breast, with a medium drizzling of creamy Alfredo sauce. My mouth was watering as I nearly inhaled the food. When I finished I leaned back against my chair, content with a full stomach.

"Bella, let us start off with saying how sorry we are to have left you. If there was a way to fix or even reverse what he have done, you must know that we would do it. The only thing we can ask of you is to give us a chance to make it right, to try to make it up to you."

I believed the regret in Carlisle's eloquently spoken words. I had to think for a few moments, to compose what I was going to say. Along with the apology I was going to accept, there were a few words that hinted of the malice and hurt they had caused. Deciding to get it all out in the open I took a deep breath and began.

"It hurt me, deeply, when you left. It wasn't just Edward leaving, but I lost all of you. I had no chance to say goodbye, to tell you how much you meant to me." I tried to hold back the tears, but they spilled over my lower lid and trailed along my cheek. "I forgive you and know you only did what you had to do for your family."

I felt Esme's cool hand touch my tear stained cheek. "You were our family, too. When we first met you and you sacrificed yourself for our safety, when you put your life in danger for us repeatedly, you became part of this family."

"We don't deserve your trust, but we will be doing everything in our power to earn it back," Carlisle stated pulling me into a gentle hug.

Suddenly the door to my bedroom opened and Alice flew to the balcony. Her face was a storm of anger, and betrayal shone bright from her eyes.

"Bella, how could you? I thought we were sisters!"


	6. Chapter 6

Saved

Chapter 6

The room cleared out pretty quickly after Alice burst in. I changed out of my robe and threw on a pair of black sweats and a thin white sweater.

Alice sat in the middle of the bed, picking at threads I couldn't see. I sat down quietly beside her, still unsure of what I had done. I looked at my friend, the girl I had once called my sister, and felt that sharp bite of bitterness towards her.

We sat this way for almost an hour. I didn't offer anything, and she didn't look up. My mind ran over every moment I had ever spent with her and came up short on how I could have betrayed her. We had never fought, I always took her advice, and I even had let her torture me on occasions with her curling irons and lip gloss.

"Bella," she began, her voice trembling with emotion. "Why?"

After her breaking the silence and offering nothing on my transgressions, I snapped. "Why what? I haven't done anything."

"Have you forgotten in the time we've been away that I can see the future? Did you think I wouldn't see what you would do?" It was like a switch had flipped, and Alice was no longer the tiny pixie. She looked frightening and ready for a fight.

"I might be able to defend myself better if you would tell me what you're talking about," I screamed at her, probably causing ear damage to the vampires in the house.

"Why should I?" she asked, raising her chin in the air.

"Fine. You know, if anyone has the right to be angry here, it's me. Your husband practically kidnapped me, forced me here, and now I have to deal with something that I have desperately wanted to forget. So, don't get all frosty on me for something I don't even know about."

Her small features twisted in pain at my words. I couldn't regret saying them because they were true. As happy as I was to be here, it wasn't my original choice. Thinking long term, this would probably damage me more than anything else, because they would leave again and there was nothing to bind me to them.

"Why won't you forgive me? Are you really so embittered with me that you won't accept my apology? You'll accept everyone else's, but not mine. Why? Have I hurt you that much?"

I couldn't think of anything to say at the moment to defend myself, because again it was the god honest truth. I could accept Esme and Carlisle's apology along with Rosalie and Emmett's. But, I wasn't as close to them as I was to Alice and Edward. Her desertion had hurt more than the others. I had truly felt that she was my sister, if not by blood, then by trust and love. She didn't try to say goodbye and she hadn't bothered to see me since they left.

"It hurt me more than you can ever know that you left without a word." I felt the corners of my mouth turn up into a sneer. "You call yourself my sister and throw everything in my face, but did you ever stop and think about what you've done? Have any of you?"

Tears now flowed salty and hot, covering my face in moisture. I could taste them as they made their way past my lips. "I thought that you, my _sister_," I mocked, "would at least say goodbye to me. That you, of all people, would care about my well being. But did you? NO! When the opportunity came up for one of you to see me, it was Jasper who came. He was the only one with the courage to see me, to potentially face me. It should have been you, Alice!"

I watched as she shrank away from me, her eyes hanging in defeat. I didn't bother wiping my tears away; I needed them to wash away the hatred I was feeling.

"You're right," she whispered. I wouldn't have heard her if not for the small squeak she made at the end. "I should have been there. I should have fought harder to keep us together. I saw you in my visions and I did nothing to help what was happening to you."

I hung my head, overwhelmed by the betrayal and unworthiness I felt. It wasn't a good idea for me to be here. I made my way quietly over to the closet and pulled out my suitcases, not caring that Alice was staring at me. She didn't say the one thing I so desperately wanted to hear. The two words that would have redeemed her to me didn't escape her lips. I folded my clothes, ready to put them back into piles to go into the cases.

"If I were truly your sister, you wouldn't have excluded me. If this was all about keeping the family together, then I should have been involved. I always counted myself lucky to be a part of your family, but I see now that I'm only a liability to you, and you're beholden to me now only out of a mistake." My voice was rough as I spoke and soaked with heavy tears. The zipper sounded loudly in the room as I walked out.

I passed Carlisle and Esme in the hall. He held onto her tightly as her body shook uncontrollably with sobs. Carlisle's mouth was set in a grim line as he held his wife. I would have thought he was angry if I didn't see the sadness in the depths of his eyes. I mumbled a quiet 'sorry' to them as I flew past them to the stairs.

I made it outside without catching another member of the Cullen family. I sat the heavy suitcases on the steps, amazed that I had brought them outside without killing myself on the marble floors. I rummaged through my bag and pulled out my phone. Being prepared as I was, I knew I had a number for a cab company in each city I planned on visiting. All I would need was a car to drive me to the airport and then I could be on my way, out of this Cullen infested country and away from the old version of myself I had come to loathe and detest.

A sleek black convertible pulled up in front of the house. I saw Rosalie's blond hair emerge from the driver's seat and grab my luggage. She didn't bother being gentle with it. She just grabbed it all in one hand and threw it, unceremoniously, into the trunk. She walked on around to the driver's side and turned around as she started to slide in.

"Get in the car, Bella." Her voice was firm, giving me no chance at refusal.

I grabbed my bag without thinking and followed her into the car. I laughed humorlessly to myself. As nice as she had been it was all probably an act. I was sure she was happy to get rid of me, the pathetic human, the girl who had torn her family apart and herself.

She sped out of the driveway, pushing the car to its limits as I watched the trees pass by in a blur of black, brown and green. I didn't bother trying to talk to her. What was there to say? 'I'm sorry I can't be good enough? I'm sorry I wasn't important enough.' It would be pointless to say these things to her because she already knew the truth. That was why she had never accepted me into the family.

"You're being selfish, Bella. It's always the same with you and Edward." Her hands were flying as she spoke. "Always self sacrificing, always so fucking noble."

She turned to look at me and there was pure annoyance written all over her face. No wonder Emmett loved her so much. When she was in a rage, she was stunning. "Neither of you ever stop to think of what your decisions do to the rest of us. I'm glad I can't read minds or see the future and thank god I can't feel your emotions, because honestly it's the biggest load of bull shit I have ever had the horror of witnessing. Lucky for Emmett, Carlisle, Esme and I we only have to watch the things unfold. But, in watching that, I watch my family fall apart at the seams."

I could almost see her face turning bright red. If she were human I was sure her face would have been crimson and she would have been gasping for air after her tirade. Unfortunately for me, she wasn't done.

"Who do you think you are? What gives you the right to step in and condemn the rest of us for something out of our control? Yes, you've sacrificed for us, and yes you and Edward had this epic love, but that's over. Edward is gone and we're trying to make up for what we did to you. What do you want us to do? Rip our dead hearts out and serve them on a platter to you?"

We pulled up to the airport within minutes. She got out of the car and grabbed my suitcases, dumping them onto the ground without a care.

"Rose," I said quietly.

She turned to look at me, fury ingrained in her angelic features. "What?"

"I'm sorry." There was nothing else I could say.

Her face softened, but her mouth kept the hard line. She grabbed one of my suitcases and I grabbed the other to follow her in. She tossed the keys to the waiting valet. She hadn't intended on staying, but had obviously changed her mind. She gave the poor man a dazzling smile. "Don't scratch it, love." The boy hopped into the car and shut the door with a quiet click.

She walked purposely into the airport and didn't stop walking until she got to a small seating area. I had to practically run to keep up with her. Lucky girl had never had to walk ungracefully. I sat down next to her with a grunt. I was out of breath, and if I told the truth, a little sweaty from my recent lack of exercise.

"I will only say this once, Bella, so listen good." She didn't look at me while she spoke. She took in the people in the room, probably assuring herself that she was better looking. "If you leave and get on that plane, don't come looking for us. If you go, you don't deserve to be a part of this family. I won't let you break us up any further. Esme and Carlisle are trying to be the parents you should have had all along. I won't see them hurt further by you tossing their apology in their faces."

"Rose," I replied.

"No, you're going to listen to me. Emmett is your brother and has never done anything to try and hurt you. I refuse to see his reaction when I tell him you left. I don't want to see the hurt cross his adorable face. So, you either come back with me now and apologize, to everyone, or don't come back at all."

We sat in silence for a few minutes while I contemplated her words. Each one of them spoke the truth. If I left I would lose out on a family, a real family. I would never see them again, and who was to say I would ever be able to forget them.

She didn't wait for me to give her my decision. "I don't need to hear what you're going to say. If I have to threaten you every day with dismemberment, I will. You're coming back with me and you're going to like it. You will fix the things you said and you will give everyone the Bella they love."

I nodded and grabbed my suitcases.

When we were back in the car I kept my silence. I would do what she said and I would try to remember, this was what they needed to heal. I wouldn't hurt them the way they had hurt me. I had seen the regret in each of their faces when they looked at me. I wouldn't be responsible for hurting them further.

"This is what you're going to do." I could almost see her checklist as she rattled it off in her mind. "Tomorrow you're going to go shopping with Esme, Alice and I. You won't protest what they buy you and you will fucking smile at everything they pick out, even if it's lime green overalls. The next day you're going to sit in the living room and play video games with Emmett and Jasper, I don't care if your fucking thumbs fall off from pushing the buttons on the controller. After that you will ask Carlisle to take you to buy a car. I know he won't say anything, but he never got to experience that as a father. You'll make him happy if you let him fuss over you and pick out your first car as a Cullen. When that's all done you and I are going to spend some time together getting to know one another. If you're going to be with us for a while you can sure as fucking bet we're going to be friends. I'll even sleep with you at night if that's what it takes for us to get along."

I just nodded and went along with what she had to say. She pulled into the garage and opened her door with purpose. She didn't get my bags out or even smile at me. What she did shocked me more than anything else.

Her stone arms circled around me as she embraced me for the first time. I felt myself tense up, but relaxed as her words whispered into my ear.

"Welcome to the family, sister."

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Hope you all enjoyed the new chapter. Thank you as always for my beta. DollyBigMama (Catherine)! She rocks and you should def. check out her stories. Review my loves.


	7. Chapter 7

Saved

Chapter 7

I made it up to my room without any more incidents. I guess everyone wanted to stay away to give me a little breathing room. Truthfully, I was happy they did. My emotions were bouncing all over the place, from high peaks to catatonic lows. I hadn't felt this much tension within myself since the Cullen's left Forks.

I took a long time brushing my teeth. There was something relaxing in the simple task. Just brush in circles, under the teeth, slow glides over the gums, and back to the circles. It was nice to do something and feel like you accomplished something. You started out with smelly breath, probably from garlic or spices and ended up with gleaming white teeth and a mouth that smelled like mint.

I shut the light off in the bathroom and slipped between the rich blue sheets. This bed was heaven. That was one thing to be said for the Cullen money. It couldn't buy happiness, but it could buy one amazing night's sleep for a human.

When the room was shrouded in darkness I pulled a few pillows closer to my body and hugged them tight. I could feel all of the tension release from my body to penetrate into the mattress. Minutes later, and without even realizing it, I fell into a deep sleep.

_The forest was so beautiful during the day. Pale streams of light filtered through the trees, almost giving the woods a fairy tale glow. The bark of the trees was a beautiful deep brown, while the leaves changed from an emerald green to almost a lime. I could hear the sounds of birds chirping off in the distance, and a slight rustling caused by the wind. The smell of the damp earth filled my nose, and surprisingly I didn't find it an offensive odor, just rich and alive. It smelled like home, like Forks._

_I followed as quickly as I could to the man in front of me. He was unreal and with him in the setting I knew it was almost too good to be true. His bronze hair fluttered in the slight breeze and his skin sparkled every time the dim light passed over his body. He looked like a work of art with his marble skin and face that could have been chiseled by one of the classic masters. _

"_Edward, wait. Please slow down," I asked him, slightly out of breath, but also somewhat amused. He wasn't usually in this much of a hurry. _

_He turned to smile at me, but it wasn't a smile I knew. It was hard, and his eyes didn't light up. They were dark and dull, unlike I had ever seen them before. _

_His cold hand touched my elbow and held on to me with an iron grip. I didn't fall again as he guided us further into the forest. We must have walked for near an hour until he stopped. He let go of my arm instantly, as though it had burned him. _

"_Edward, what's going on?" I asked him, starting to feel concern. He usually took whatever chance he could to touch me. _

"_Bella, we're leaving." His voice was gentle but still held a hint of anger to it._

"_Leaving? What do you mean?" I shot the questions out as fast as I could. "You and I are leaving? Is something going on I need to know about? Is it because of my birthday, because that doesn't bother me. I forgive you, all of you."_

"_It's time for us, my family and I, to go, to move on." He looked away from me, not willing to hold my gaze. "Carlisle can't claim his age any more, Jasper needs his time, my family needs to reconnect." _

"_I'll come with you." I was at the point of begging now. He had promised me he wouldn't go, that he would never leave me alone. I could feel the earth opening up, ready to swallow me whole. _

"_We don't want you to come. Our world is not for you. Humans do not survive in our way of life." _

"_Then change me. You don't have to do it yourself if you're afraid you can't. Carlisle will do it, or even Alice. Please." I would sell my soul at this point if it meant being with him._

"_They've already left. I stayed behind to say goodbye. They said a clean break would be better for you." His eyes had frozen as did his body. _

_A clean break. I remembered all of the x-rays I had ever had taken. The doctor would put them on the white board and point out the various breaks and fractures. A clean break, to heal easier. _

"_You could stay," I said quietly to him. _

"_I will always love you, Bella, but we both need to recognize that this is better. Because I'm...we're tired of pretending for you. Everything about our relationship with you goes beyond our nature and you're pushing the limits of what we can endure."_

"_Don't." I could barely choke the word out. I couldn't believe this was happening. "Don't go."_

"_I'm sorry, Bella, but you're not good for me..."_

_I didn't hear the rest of what he said. I had always known, but here in the middle of the forest with tree's and damp air pressing in on me, I knew. He didn't want me. _

_I heard a quiet tread as the man who stood beside me walked away. I finally looked up and tried to follow him. I ran in the direction I thought he went. I ran for hours. Not able to push down the pain any longer I sat down, letting the dew that always blanketed the ground seep into my jeans while I folded my arms around my legs. _

_I lost track of time as I sat there, rocking myself back and forth. My mind replayed every image of him. I could see him running with me, laughing when I would fall, his eyes and how they would glaze over when he kissed me, him laying sprawled out across my bed. I let it out as a sob tore through my chest. I could feel my heart burning and clenching like it was being squeezed in a vice grip. _

"_Edward," I screamed. "Please, come back. Please." _

I woke up screaming his name. When they left I used to have this same dream every night. I hadn't had it in months, or to even this intensity. Charlie said most nights I just whimpered and cried out Edward's name.

I wiped my hand across my clammy forehead, drenching my palm in cold sweat. I looked over at the small clock that sat on the nightstand and saw it was past time for me to be up. I threw the wet covers off of me and looked down at them, annoyed they would need to be washed so quickly.

The water in the shower was a godsend and I made it as hot as I could stand. I hated nights I would have nightmares. When the Cullen's first left I would try to keep myself awake as long as I possibly could to drive the dreams away. The nights I couldn't I would always wake up screaming and minutes later I would be in the bathroom heaving up the contents of my stomach.

I shut off the water and wrapped myself in a towel, tucking it under my arms to hold it in place. I stepped out of the shower and was surprised to see Rosalie sitting on the toilet, inspecting her nails.

"Are you ready for today?" she asked with an evil glint in her eye.

I looked in the mirror and saw the deep purple bags under my eyes. I groaned. Shopping all day long was not something that I was looking forward to. A good book outside, yes. But shops all day long and the constant assault of perfume, just wasn't something I thought I could handle today.

"Great! I knew you would be," she said as she watched me closely examine my face in the mirror.

She moved so fast I could barely see her. From under the counter she pulled out a large bag I would bet all of my money on was filled with weapons of torture. She pulled out a small tube with a creamy liquid in it. Her tawny eyes took on a maniacal gleam to them and she brandished the weapon in front of me. I sucked in my courage and took the seat she had just vacated.

Twenty five minutes later I emerged from the bathroom, still in my towel. I had to admit, even though I may not like her, she was an artist with cosmetics. My hair was shiny with large curls gracing my hips. My eyes were bright and gave away no evidence of my long night. My full lips were even bigger and were a perfect dewy pink. I would have to figure out a way to bribe her to tell me how to recreate this every day. It was a lengthy process, but well worth it.

She followed me out to the balcony where Esme was sitting on one of the delicate wrought iron chairs with a steaming plate of breakfast waiting for me. I sat down, and to my amazement my towel didn't fall and I didn't blush at my semi clothed state.

"I can't tell you how pleased I am that we'll be spending the day together," Esme said with a bright smile that should be illegal at this time of day.

I plastered a large smile on my face and hoped it wouldn't look too fake. I looked over at Rose, hoping she wouldn't notice. She was as sharp as a whip, even with blonde hair. She made tearing notions with her hands as she looked at me.

"Rose," Esme said quietly, with all the sternness that only a mother could reproduce.

"Sorry."

Alice came in a minute later, joy written all over her face and a garment bag slung over her arm. I was surprised to see her smiling. I was sure after last night she wouldn't want to be in the same room with me, let alone spend the day with me.

"I brought you an outfit," she smiled sheepishly at me. "Rose told me she trashed all your stuff."

Alice looked at Rosalie like she had committed a sin. In Alice's mind it probably was. I had always thought she was of the mind that no matter the outfit you should always keep it.

"Trust me, I did her a favor," Rose bit back.

I ate the rest of my food and took a few sips of the orange juice Esme had set out for me. I grabbed the outfit off of my bed where Alice had laid it down and disappeared into the bathroom while Alice and Rosalie argued over which store to go into first.

I pressed my fingers to my temples to soothe out my irritation as I took the dress out of the bag and hung in on the back of the door. Freaking vampires! Why a dress? But it wasn't even that, it was the box of heels she had managed to sneak past me that had me so irritated.

I ground my teeth in annoyance and slipped the yellow, heavily embroidered and bejeweled dress over my head. I sat down on the toilet and strapped the thin brown heels onto my feet. I stood up awkwardly, not used to a heel any higher than a tennis shoe and made my way out of the bathroom, wishing I could lock myself in here all day. I tried not to look as I passed the mirror on the way out but couldn't stop myself. I had to give Alice credit, even though I hated to, she could put together an outfit.

"I think we should go to Paris for the day," I heard Alice argue.

"I think we should go to Milan," Rosalie shot back.

"Paris, Rose. She's never been there before."

"She hasn't been anywhere. It's better to start out small."

"We're going to Palac Flora. It has enough shops to please you both and it won't be overwhelming for her. Think of her and not yourselves," came Esme's voice of reason.

I decided now would be the time to step in. "I'm ready."

"Ohhhh... Rose. You owe me twenty bucks. I told you she wouldn't say anything about the outfit," Alice mocked.

"Well, it would make it easier for me to win if I could see the future, too."

I caught Esme's eye as she rolled hers at the same time.

Alice handed me a small bag as I walked out of my bedroom door. I opened it up to find my wallet, passport and cell phone.

"Thanks, Alice." I gave her a hug as she started to walk away. Nothing would assure her of my forgiveness more than actually showing her. I blushed and walked down the stairs to join everyone in the foyer.

Carlisle met us by the door along with Emmett and Jasper. I hung back as I watched their farewells. They were all short and sweet. I had to suck in the bitterness and jealousy that washed over me while watching them. They were all secure in their relationships, sure that nothing would ever tear them apart, not death or abandonment.

Emmett gave me a bear hug as I walked past him and Carlisle patted my shoulder. Alice was out the door as I passed Jasper. I felt a wave of calm directed at me as I watched her go. He reached out and touched my hand, probably hoping the serenity would last me through the day. Instead of the peace I felt something else.

I looked down at his white skin resting on my hand and felt it again. For the first time since Edward had left, I felt a spark.


	8. Chapter 8

_A quick note!! I want to apologize in advance for this not soo inspired chapter. I have actually been having alot of inspiration problems for all of my stories. The majority of the credit for this chapter goes to my beta, dollybigmama. She added to it and fixed it, making it oh so much better than what I originally sent to her!! So please, take it easy on my heart and don't leave tooo too bad of a review. Enjoy!_

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Saved

Chapter 8

I guess it was the little things that always surprised and affected me the most; a soft whisper in my ear, a heated gaze or even a brief touch. I tried to write it off as a fluke, but thinking back on it, I felt my breath catch in my throat and my body start to blaze. It had been wonderful, but forbidden.

I hadn't really allowed myself to happily touch another person again, not Charlie or Angela, not even my mother. But the moment I had seen Jasper at graduation, I had flown into his arms. And in his arms was where I had no place being.

I looked over at Alice, who was sitting next to me in the backseat of the car. She hadn't said anything since we left. She just sat there with her brow furrowed in deep concentration. Her face was troubled and that only served to worry me further. I had only seen that look a few times and it always accompanied a vision. She looked so sad, so full of tragedy that I could feel a lump rising in my throat. What had she seen?

We arrived at the shopping plaza quickly. I could see the exhilaration on both Rosalie and Esme's faces, but there was none on mine or Alice's. Esme tossed the keys to the valet and hauled the rest of us into the large mall.

All through the air there was this buzz, kind of like having a bug near your ear. It was probably from the massive amount of energy it took to power this place, my cynical mind thought. The people walked around, large smiles on their faces and arms loaded down with carrier bags. I couldn't help my grin. Shopping to some really did cure everything.

Alice walked up to me and looped her arm through mine, a friendly gesture that would have looked innocent to anyone passing by, but I could see her eyes and knew her well enough to know it was a ploy.

"Oh, are you two going off on your own?" Rose asked, obviously disappointed.

In all honesty, so was I. I was counting on all of us being together. I was genuinely looking forward to spending time with Esme and being mothered. I couldn't explain it, and the only people who would understand were those who had grown up without a full family. There was also a small part of me that was arguing the point knowing I only wanted to be with them to save myself from whatever was bothering Alice.

"Yeah, if you don't mind. I really want to catch up with Bella," Alice replied. Her voice seemed happy, but there was an underlying hint of anger and perhaps malice.

Rosalie gave me a hard glare and I knew what it meant. She didn't want me to mess it up. I forced a smile on my face and gripped Alice's arm tighter. I tossed a fearful look at Rose, and she shook her head. A bright smile graced her lips and her white teeth gleamed under the artificial light. She wouldn't help.

"Ready?" I asked Alice, hoping she would just lead me into a store and turn back into her usual ecstatic self.

Come to think of it, since arriving at the Cullen home Alice had been more subdued around me. She seemed to have lost some of her vibrancy. She was colder, harsher. More on edge around me. It struck me as odd because out of all the Cullen's, we had understood each other the best. She was definitely acting odd and intuition was telling me it was because of my re-emergence into their family.

I watched Esme walk off with Rose, both of them chattering away about which shops to go in. Esme was adamant about going into the home decor store and Rose was arguing about stripes versus patterns. She swore if she was going to have to look at five hundred shades of blue, she was going to start pulling apart her body for something to do. I laughed upon hearing that, but wished I was going with them. I had a feeling dismemberment may be more pleasant than what I was about to face.

Alice led us to the coffee shop situated in the center of the mall. She didn't want to walk slowly to get there so I had to ask her a few times to slow it up. I ordered myself a large latte and a plain coffee for Alice. I knew she wouldn't drink it, but it would give her hands something to do. In my mind all I could see was her attacking me for thinking adulterous thoughts about her husband. I just hoped she didn't throw the scalding hot coffee in my face.

We sat in silence for a while. She alternated between bringing the cup up to her lips and tearing the small sleeve around the cup apart. I had never known Alice to be this tense. She was even setting me on edge more than I usually was.

"Bella, I know things between all of us have been tense," she said at last, her light gaze traveling all over the shop until it finally came to rest on me. "With that being said, you do forgive us, don't you?"

Remembering promises of dismemberment from Rose, I was quick to say my apologies and remind her I was here now because I wanted to get to know all of them again.

"Of course I forgive you. Sometimes we all have to do what we think is best, not only for ourselves, but for others we care about. What you guys did was try to preserve your family. I understand that now and I don't blame you for leaving. If I had been in the same situation I probably would have chosen your path as well."

I knew that was partly a lie. There was a time when I would have given up everything to be with Edward. I constantly kept my family in danger by selfishly keeping him near me. I should have been relieved they made the decision to keep me, and by extension, my family, safe. I hadn't seen it that way until now.

She let out a deep sigh of relief, and I was sure she would be ready to go then, but she wasn't. Her golden eyes darkened and narrowed. She pursed her lips into a thin line. "So, I'm correct in assuming you wouldn't do anything to break the family apart now. Right?"

I gulped and hoped it wasn't too noticeable. "No, I wouldn't. I don't plan on it and it's definitely not on my 'to do' list in the conceivable future."

"OK, let me ask you this. What would you do if Edward came back?" she asked offhandedly.

My chest constricted as she spoke his name. I had asked myself that very same question time and time again since he left, and each time the scenario played out differently. In the beginning, if she would have asked me that, I would have said nothing in this world could possibly make me any happier than to jump into his arms and force his teeth into my neck, binding me to him forever. As time has worn on, however, the scene has evolved down to a calm acceptance of his return, but not with me falling into his arms like the naïve child I used to be. He left me behind soft and broken. Time had only managed to cure the softness.

"Honestly, Alice, I don't know. I think with time I could forgive him, but that day is not today. I would like to believe I could give him a chance to say his piece, but I just don't know if I would really be able to hear it. I'm not sure if I would be able to resist tearing him to pieces at the moment."

I felt silent tears run down my cheeks and fall onto the lid of my coffee cup. I reached my hand up to brush them away. I hated that he could still hurt me, even without him being near me. I felt weak because of it.

"Answer me this, Bella, and be totally honest. Would you take him back or would you move on?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

I thought of Jasper immediately, and then cursed myself for thinking it. The look on Alice's face made my heart fall into the churning pit of my stomach.

"Bella, please don't do this to me. I can see it starting and I don't want to have to watch it with my sight and see it happen before my eyes. Please, for me. Stop this from happening, stop it before it even begins," she pleaded.

She had seen. What, I wasn't sure, but I knew it had to do with Jasper and myself.

"I wouldn't intentionally do anything to hurt you, Alice. I don't know what you're talking about," I lied, but deep down I knew. Even though nothing had been said, and even though no feelings had been reciprocated or even acknowledged as really being there, there was something.

The worst part was that the little voice inside my head was screaming at me to touch him again, to recreate that moment of feeling, to feel that spark that once again told me I was alive.


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you to my beta, Dollybigmomma!

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Chapter 9

The days with the Cullen's, since the awkward conversation with Alice, had dragged slowly, almost at a snail's pace. Her words and thoughts of me wrecking the family followed me around the large house like a lost puppy looking for a new owner. I couldn't deny that she had been hinting at what I had been feeling. I wanted to feel alive. I wanted to feel that breathlessness again, I wanted... I didn't exactly know what it was, but I wanted to be near Jasper again, to touch him, to feel.

"Penny for your thoughts?" a soft voice sounded in my ear, causing a thin layer of goosebumps to cover my skin in exhilaration.

I turned and smiled at him. "Only a penny, Jasper? I think I should at least charge a quarter for them."

He chuckled deep in his throat, and to me, it was a beautiful sound.

"Really, what is it that has you out here on this cold stone bench, all alone in a house full of people?"

"I don't know. I think being here is maybe more than I can handle," I said softly, admitting the truth only to him.

I felt him sit down next to me, close enough that I could feel the wool of his pants brush against my thigh.

"I think maybe you're over thinking, taking everything too seriously, darlin'," he said, his voice deep and playful.

"I guess you're right, but that's how I've always been. I can't change it, although if I could, I would." I let a half smile cross my lips as I leaned back and crossed my legs at my ankles.

He looked at me for a moment before letting a chuckle escape. "I guess you're right and I suppose I'm not one to talk."

"No, you're not," I laughed with him.

"So, you want to tell me what you're really doing out here?" he asked as he plucked a yellow rose from the blooming bush beside him. He handed it to me after having removed the thorns first. I twirled the delicate flower in between my forefinger and thumb, letting its rich fragrance reach my nose while I thought of what to say.

I had been here for almost a month. Being with Esme and Carlisle had been like a soothing balm to my heart. I delighted in my time with Esme. We spent time together in the kitchen, baking and trying out new recipes, even just sitting in front of the oven with her arms around me. She was a natural mother and I reveled in her attention. My mother had never been this way, so I soaked it up like a dying man in the desert with his last drink of water.

With Carlisle, it was just…different. Charlie was a wonderful father, but he didn't show the type of affection most fathers showed their daughters. We had always been more like roommates rather than family. I didn't doubt his love for me, especially in the months after the Cullen's had left, but there had always been a barrier in between us- my mother. But with Carlisle, he didn't hesitate to put his arm around me, to get involved in educational debates, or anything like that. We spent the majority of our time out in the garden. You wouldn't know by looking at the blond doctor, but he loved to tend to the garden. The flowers bloomed around his hands like an animal received a good scratch.

I had spent time with Emmett, watching horrible action movies and overdone comedies. I played video games with him until the wee hours of the morning, getting totally trounced with every game. After every terrible loss, he would just pop me on the shoulder with his fist and laugh, claiming that he would lose the next game for sure. I was positive that Emmett was way too competitive to allow himself to lose, but I didn't say anything.

With Alice things were a bit stiff. She was edgy around me, and often had a faraway look to her eyes. She didn't laugh, only seeming to go through the motions. It was like there was an invisible wall between us that had two graffiti words written upon it in dark, angry letters: Jasper and betrayal.

I couldn't deny my attraction to him, or the calm I felt in his presence and I knew that she knew it. I also couldn't deny the betrayal that was written in ink across my heart from her desertion. Oh, I forgave her, but I couldn't forget that she left me without a backwards glance.

I spent time with her, a few hours a day, letting her go through my clothes and listening to her complain about the sad state of my wardrobe. But her heart wasn't in it, and neither was mine. We were nothing like the friends that we had once used to be. There was no laughter between us, no moments of true sisterhood. All of that seemed lost to us now.

On the other hand, I had found a friendship blossoming with Rosalie. She didn't skirt around the issues, just stated plainly how she felt. We spent a lot of time in the garage. She was always under the hood of a car, her long legs encased in inky denim as they stuck out from under the gleaming metal of one of the luxurious cars. She would tell me about her life, not editing and I would tell her about mine, although there wasn't much to tell. She never brought up Edward or her previous dislike for me and for that, I was grateful. I found myself looking forward to the time I got to spend with her.

The only one I hadn't spent much time with was Jasper and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I yearned for his touch, but knew it was wrong. I longed to hear him say my name, to see the form of my name on his lips, to hear his heavy whisper. He seemed to always be with Alice, although I hadn't actually seen them together, but logically I could understand that. I'm sure my desire was apparent when I would look at him. I tried to rein it in, but the feeling of being near him was something I was starving for.

I looked over at him through my lashes and took in his posture. His legs were stretched out in front of him, long and muscular, covered in expensive gray wool that my fingers longed to touch. His strong back was leaning back against a tree with his hands gripping the stone bench, bracing himself up. His face was relaxed as he looked over the garden, taking in the array of colors and scents.

He must have caught my perusal of him because he turned to look at me again, his golden eyes locked with mine, causing the breath to hitch in my throat.

"Are you going to tell me?" he asked softly, reminding me that he had asked me the same question minutes before and I had failed to answer.

"I was just thinking about the family," I answered plainly. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable while I was spending these few moments with him.

He nudged me with his shoulder and I felt it again, that heady current of electricity that raced through my blood. I licked my lips without thought and watched as his eyes followed the movement of my tongue.

"Bella," he said in a rough voice.

"I know, I'm sorry. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way," I said, my voice barely a whisper. "Maybe it would be best if I leave. I'm only going to hurt everyone if I stay and continue to have these thoughts. Alice can see something happening, and I'm feeling too selfish at the moment to care."

I wished that I could banish the feel of his skin, that I could erase these traitorous thoughts of mine.

"You can't leave," Jasper said suddenly, his voice strong with a slight edge to it.

"I think it would be for the best. I don't want to hurt anyone, and these feelings I'm having..." I started, "I don't even know why I'm having them."

I stood up and started to pace in front of him.

"Do you know how hard it is for me to turn this off? I haven't felt, and I mean really felt, in months, Jasper. But, I felt something with you. I know it's wrong. I know it will hurt Alice because she's already seen it. Once again, if I stay, I'll tear this family apart." Once I started, I couldn't stop. I turned to face him, suddenly furious with him. "I told you on the way here that this wasn't the place for me. And you know what? I was right!"

He stood up and grabbed me by the shoulders. I was sure his fingertips were going to leave bruises, but I couldn't bring myself to care. His touch ignited a fire within me and I stood basking in the feel of the flames lapping at my skin.

"You can't leave because I..."

His voice was cut off as Alice walked out through the glass doors, her face betraying nothing as she saw us.

She walked over, her steps soundless on the gravel. Her eyes passed between the two of us, trying to read the situation. I wanted to defend myself, but knew that I had nothing to say. I didn't feel remorse.

Jasper let go of my arms and turned to his wife. "What is it, Alice?"

I could have sworn I detected a trace of malice in his voice for the petite woman beside me, but passed it off as a figment of my imagination.

Alice looked at me and then to her husband, her golden eyes darkening to almost a black, flashing with some kind of emotion, but I couldn't be sure.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but Carlisle couldn't dissuade him," she said softly, her eyes not quite looking at me.

"Dissuade who?" I didn't even know why I bothered to ask.

Alice didn't reply. She turned on her heel with a cold look towards Jasper and headed back into the house, the door clicking behind her.

Jasper took a deep breath as his nose picked up a scent. His eyes narrowed in on the house and he swore quietly to himself.

"Dissuade who, Jasper?" I asked, already having known the answer as soon as Alice said "him". I felt the panic set in to my chest as my heart began to race and my breath began to catch in my throat. I wasn't ready.

I took off towards the house with Jasper following close behind me. The door wasn't an obstacle as I threw it open, delighting in the sound of it banging off the stone wall.

When I made it to the foyer, Rose stepped to my side.

"What is he doing here, Rose?" I asked her, the force of my words surprising me, as only a month before, my blood had had been screaming to see him again.

"I have no idea. We promised this would be our time with only you," she said, her voice sparkling with iciness, the hard mask of annoyance I used to see on her face was back in place. The rest of the family flitted into the room, their faces cast downwards, not saying a word.

"Well, is anyone going to tell me?" I yelled.

I turned to look at Esme and Carlisle only to see a mixture of remorse and relief reflected in their eternally beautiful faces. Emmett looked confused and I could imagine he was. The poor guy was always told last what was going on. Jasper and Rosalie looked angry, while Alice was showing an expression I hadn't seen very often across her beautiful features. She looked almost smug.

I felt Jasper and Rose tense beside me as the door started to open. I wanted to run. My legs were dying to run up the stairs and pack my suitcases and disappear, but my heart, the horrible thing it had become, was screaming at me to wait, to watch him walk through the door, to assure myself that at one point, he had been real.

He was more beautiful than I had imagined. His hair was still in the same crazy disarray of bronze. It had the same messy yet perfect look that I had always seen on him. His face was still painfully beautiful. His lips held the same plump curve, his jaw the same chiseled line, his brow was still set pulled down, almost like he was thinking too hard. But nothing could have hit me like the smell of him.

I gasped and clutched my hand to my chest as his scent hit my nose. I wanted to cry, the pain of it all rushing back to me in crushing waves. The breath was caught in my throat, making it difficult to swallow around the hard lump of sorrow that had formed.

I watched the scene before me unfold in excruciating slowness. I saw him look at the members of his family with confusion until his eyes locked on mine. I could almost hear him inhale my scent, and I even noticed that his body visibly relaxed, almost like a man who had been away from home for too long.

His voice was a heavy whisper as he took a step closer to me, his hand reaching out for mine, and in my stupidity, I placed mine in his. An angel's smile crossed his lips as he pulled me in close to him, his face buried in my hair.

"Bella."


	10. Chapter 10

Saved

Chapter 10

I couldn't quite describe how it felt to be in his arms again. Since he had left, I was absolutely positive that if I were to see him again I would feel whole, complete. But this feeling, I ached with the pressure in my chest. I wanted to scream, to rage. I wanted to tear him apart. I wanted to shred his heart to pieces, ensuring that, like mine, it couldn't be fixed, couldn't be put back together.

But yet, standing here, tucked into his embrace with my face pressed against his chest I felt that old familiar comfort I had always associated with him.

"Bella, my Bella," he was whispering over and over in my ear, like a mantra.

His arms tightened further around me as his hand wound into my hair, brushing through the thick mass of chocolate. I couldn't hold back the tears as confusion raged through my mind and turmoil skewered my heart. They slid down my cheeks, staining his white sweater and burning my skin as they fell. I clutched onto him tighter, unaware that I was doing it.

A growl on both sides of me shook me out of my temporary insanity. My body finally realized what was going on and I pushed back against Edward's marble chest, not at all bothered by the look of shock that was registering on his face.

"You asshole!" I yelled, pushing myself even further out of his grasp.

I turned to look at the family, my heart filled with betrayal. I turned from the room and sped up the stairs without falling on my butt and making myself look as foolish as I felt. When I reached the hallway my room was located in, I sprinted for the door, knowing he was fast on my tail.

I opened the door wide, only to slam it shut and slide the lock home. I knew it was pointless being as how a locked door brokered no resistance to a vampire's strength, but the thought comforted me none the less.

"Bella, please. Just let me talk to you," Edwards tortured voice sounded through the wood door, along with his persistent knocking.

I pulled out my suitcase and started throwing my clothes into it, not bothering to fold anything. I grabbed my handbag and stuffed in the essentials. I picked up my phone and searched for the airline's number. I had to get out of here. Anywhere would do, as long as it was far away from here. Far from the heartache and pain of my past.

I knew on my way here that there was the potential to see Edward again. I knew that being with the family would stir up old hurts, open old wounds, but I tortured myself. I allowed my heart to override my brain, just so I could be with them once more. It seemed that ignoring my instincts was all I ever did with these people. I let my actions be ruled by my heart, all the while ignoring my mind. I had brought this pain on myself and my family, for nothing.

The only thing seeing Edward again did was remind me that I wasn't good enough: for any of them.

"Bella, please," he pleaded.

I could tell he was going to lose patience soon, so I dialed the airline and quickly booked the next flight to Paris. I wanted a big city, somewhere I could get lost in a sea of people and forget. I wanted to reinvent myself while I was there. I didn't want to be Bella Swan anymore. I didn't want to be the clumsy girl who fell in love with a man out of her league. I didn't want to be this person who was never enough.

"Give me a chance, please."

I turned around sharply, only to see that he had come in through the French doors.

"You know, there is something called privacy, and it's generally considered rude to intrude when someone wants it." My words dripped with sarcasm I generally never felt. "I'm going to leave and you can have your place here. I only came on the condition that you wouldn't be here." The sting in my words shot out like a lash.

If a photographer would have taken a shot of Edward's face at that moment, he would have won one really swanky prize. In my life, I had never seen a man look so hurt and so pained. Sadness poured through his golden eyes as my words registered in his mind. Instantly, I felt remorse. It was never his fault that he didn't want me and it wasn't his fault that I had loved him so much. Those were just the facts.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't mean to be cruel," I said softly, hating to see that expression on his face and knowing I caused it. I hated how I never seemed to have control around him, how I was constantly ignoring what I really wanted to say.

"No, I deserve it. I know you want to leave, but please... just give me a few minutes and I'll go myself." His words were so sincere that I felt myself softening as he took the handle of the suitcase from my hand and sat it on the floor.

I sank down onto the nearest chair and buried my face in my hands as a deep exhaustion made its way into my bones. This had all been too much. With these feeling I had been having towards Jasper, the silent argument that had been going on with Alice, and seeing Edward without any notice had worn me thin. I felt like a set of linens that had been through the wash too many times and were now threadbare.

Within minutes, I felt a sense of calmness spread through my body and I couldn't help but wonder if it was because of Jasper or the fact that I was giving up on trying. I figured the latter, but it didn't matter.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" I asked as he knelt down in front of me and removed my hands from my face.

"Please don't hide from me. I've gone for so long without seeing your face," he said as he brushed the hair out of my eyes, his cool hands soothing my heated skin. "I came because Alice called me here with news that Jasper had the video of your graduation."

I cocked my head to the side, shocked at this slip of information, but immediately forgot it as I realized what he said.

"Why would you want to see it?" I asked, truly confused.

"I would think that's apparent, Bella, seeing as how I near had a heart attack when I saw you standing there, and trust me it's impossible for me to have a heart attack." His words were so genuine that I felt that old tugging at my heart; it wasn't love, but tenderness.

"You left me, Edward. You didn't want me."

"I know what I said, and believe me, those words have haunted me since the moment I left you. I have been nothing without you. I haven't been able to function. I couldn't be around my family because every time I looked at them I heard your name flash through their thoughts. I haven't been able to listen to music. When I left you, I left my heart."

"I'm sorry, I just don't understand." I could feel the anger begin to rise in my chest again. "You didn't want me and now you're saying, what, exactly?"

"I thought it would be better for you if we weren't in your life. I wanted you to be happy and to be healthy. I wanted you to live your life, Bella." His hands had moved down to mine. His fingers traced over the veins that were visible through my pale skin before clasping my hand in his.

"My life was devastated when you left me, Edward," I stated softly. "I lost everything. I lost you, your family, my hopes and my dreams. You took all of it."

"I know and I'll carry the guilt of that for the rest of my life. When Jasper lunged at you, I...." Edward's voice became hoarse as he turned to look away from me. "I just wanted you safe and I couldn't live with the thought of harm coming to you, because of me."

"Why couldn't you change me? I was begging you, Edward! I would have given up Charlie and Renee just to be with your family and you so that you didn't have to worry." It seared my heart to think of the pain I would have caused my parents, but I would have done it, for him.

"I didn't want to take your soul. I couldn't have it on my conscience that you essentially lost your life because of me."

"I wasn't losing, Edward. I loved you so much I would have never looked back on my human life with regret," I said, my voice taking on an aggressive edge. "You promised me you wouldn't leave, and instead of honoring that you took everything. I haven't lived a day since you've been gone."

"I would take back everything I said, I would turn you right now if you'd say you would be with me again. And, I would spend the rest of eternity making it up to you." The force of his declaration took me by surprise. "Just give me a chance, Bella. I can't be without you."

"What are you saying?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

"I'm saying I love you. Always have, always will. Nothing can change that. I would do anything to have you with me again."

I didn't know what was happening, but I knew I had reached the point where I had to make a decision. I could forgive him and start the life I had once wanted, or I could give it up and move on.

"Edward, I don't know," I said softly, "I don't know if I can trust..."

My mind was in a state of total chaos. The truth was that I couldn't trust myself to not fall so completely in love with him again. I couldn't trust that I would be able to hold myself together again the next time he left.

"I know, Bella," he said, his voice low and velvety. "I know you need time. What I've done to you is unforgivable, but I promise you I will redeem myself to you. I'll do whatever it takes to show you how much I regret what I did to you."

Edward leaned over and touched his lips to my cheek, kissing away the stains that had been left on my cheek from my tears.

My heart jumped at the small gesture of affection, but my mind was softly telling me to not fall for it, to not slip up.

I grabbed my suitcase and bag as I headed over to the door. "I'll see you soon. Carlisle has my number, but I really just need to think, and I can't do that here at this moment."

He approached me slowly as he raised his hand, only to drop it again. His eyes were hopeful as they searched my face. "I understand, but know that I'll be here waiting for you, loving you and missing you every day, just like I've been doing for the past six months."

I smiled weakly and walked out the door, the way his head hung low threatening to break my resolve.

The family was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. I was instantly embarrassed, knowing that with their super sensitive hearing, they heard every word spoken between us.

Esme stepped forward first as her cold arms surrounded me. "Come back when you're ready. This is your home, too."

Emmett popped me on the shoulder before pulling me into a tight hug, causing me to drop my suitcase. I laughed as it landed with a dull thud on the thick carpet. "You know, I really do promise to let you win the next one. The sooner you come back, the sooner you'll get to gloat to everyone that you finally beat me."

"As if that would really happen, Emmett. You're too competitive to allow someone else to win." I saw the crestfallen look on his face and realized my words could have different meanings to him. "Besides, it's not about who wins the game, Em. It's about spending time with you, doing something that you love. That's what matters to me."

Carlisle was quiet as I stepped in front of him. "Be safe, Bella. Call me if you need anything, especially a recommendation for a doctor." I nodded at him and gave him a quick hug.

Rosalie stepped forward and fixed her eyes into an angry glare. I was momentarily stunned by the coolness of her gaze. I had thought things were different between us. It wasn't until I looked around that I noticed she wasn't looking at me, but at Edward who had joined the rest of the family at the bottom of the steps.

"This is your fault again, Edward," she hissed, her body tense as she raged. "Do you ever think about how your actions affect the rest of this family?"

"Rosalie," Carlisle cautioned her in his neutral tone. He didn't chastise the others very often, and he didn't need to. He was the head of their family and they all usually listened without question.

"No, Carlisle," she dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "This was supposed to be our time with her."

Her eyes narrowed as they fixed on Alice. "And you! Always trying to change the future, trying to fix something that's destined to happen. You're so selfish! Do you ever think about how wrong it is to use your gift this way?"

Alice didn't look surprised by Rose's tirade. She looked nonchalant and I couldn't help but wonder as to what they were talking about.

"I did what I had to do, Rose. Have you ever been in danger of losing something? Have you ever had to…" she started, but Carlisle cut her off.

"That's enough. We won't discuss this now," he said in a warning tone. His reaction had me questioning them again.

"We never discuss. That's the problem with this fucking family," Rose yelled, her furious eyes alternating between Alice and Edward. "The two of you do your little mind tricks and leave everyone else in the cold. We jump to your tune and I've had it."

I stepped towards Rosalie and embraced her quickly, unsure of how she would feel towards the gesture. Her arms tightened around me as I relaxed. I didn't want them to argue anymore about me. I was too worn, too exhausted to deal with it any more.

When she let go, I turned to Alice and knew there were no goodbyes between us any longer. I coveted something she had and she didn't take that kindly. I gave her a tight lipped smile and looked around for Jasper. Not seeing him was like a stab to the heart. Above anything, I just wanted to see his face again before I left, but it wasn't going to happen.

I sucked in a deep breath and put my hand on the door knob. I gave a small smile to the family before I walked out the door to the car Carlisle had bought for me.

I stashed my bag in the back and took one last look at the house, uncertain at this point if I would come back. I couldn't deny that I wanted to be with Edward, but I wasn't sure which way I wanted him. I longed to be with the family, but I couldn't promise myself, or them, that I wouldn't ruin it.

I stepped into the sleek, black Lexus RX10 and turned the key, letting the engine purr to life. I pushed the engine into drive and made my way down the long driveway and turned onto the main road that would take me to the airport, my eyes lingering on the brightly lit house that was reflecting in the rearview mirror.

I knew the drive because I had made it twice. The first had been my drive here with the entire family, and once with Rosalie.

I smiled, thinking of my little road trip with Rosalie. She had been blatantly honest, almost to the point of rudeness, but that's how she was. I had found the more time I spent with her, the more confident I became about myself. I looked down at my phone and saw that there was a text waiting from her. I waited until I pulled into the airport parking before opening it.

_Slipped something in your bag. No thanks needed. -Rose_

I unzipped the bag and noticed there was a plain white envelope sitting just inside of it. I tore off the top of the envelope and pulled out a piece of cream colored stationary. I felt something hit my leg and frowned as I picked it up. A black Amex card. I sat it on the dash as I read the letter.

_Bella, _

_I thought you might enjoy your trip to Paris without the worry of expense, seeing as it is Alice's fault you're leaving. I can't explain now, but will one day._

_Sorry this is so sloppy, but again, my annoying family has managed to interrupt your life and it's up to me to ensure that you know that someone cares about how our actions affect you. _

_Carlisle ordered the card for you a few weeks ago and luckily it came in yesterday afternoon. All I ask is that you pick out something that will knock Edward on his ass and make him regret everything he did. _

_Come home to us when you are ready, and remember that I'm your friend and sister, regardless of our past. I programmed mine and Emmett's numbers into your phone last week, so if you need a friend, just give me a call and I can be sitting with you in some posh suite in less than two hours._

_Rose_

I slipped the letter back into the envelope, using infinite care, and put it in my bag, unable to deny that I was touched by her words. I picked up the credit card and slid it into my wallet. I didn't intend to use it, but the gesture was nice anyway.

I locked the car and slid the extra key I had into a small hidden lock under the tire wheel. I knew if I didn't come back someone would come to retrieve the car.

I checked my bags, not having to stand in a too awful long line, but almost wishing that I had had to wait longer. My flight wasn't set to board for another hour and I wasn't looking forward to sitting in one place. I was too on edge, too worn out, too confused.

I picked up a bag of M&M's and a bottle of water and made my way to the seating area. There weren't many people waiting. A woman and her little girl, the child dancing around in circles with her pink coat fanning out around her while the mother laughed at the girl's antics. There was a man in a dark suit in the corner, staring out the tall glass windows with one phone at his ear and his eyes on a Blackberry in his other hand. The only other people were an elderly couple that were whispering softly to each other. I watched as the woman rested her hand on the gentleman's thigh and smiled softly at him. I had to turn my gaze away from such a tender moment.

I knew I could have a full eternity with Edward, but when it came down to it, I didn't know if it would last. He had always shown such resistance to any future that ended with him turning me, and who was to say that we would make it even that long before he changed his mind and left. Nothing would be able to compare to the pain I would feel then. He had always had this power over me, this power that made me forget everything but him and I didn't think I would be able to resist a second time. But there was the other part of me that wanted the chance, wanted to have the security, wanted to have some sense of a real life. I could have that with him; it was all I had ever wanted.

For so long I had hoped to see him, but now that the moment was here, I realized it happened too fast. That it was too much to take in at one time. There was only so much a person could handle, and I was certain I was at my limit.

I looked over the room and noticed a few more people had trickled in and were sitting in these uncomfortable black seats. You wouldn't think leather could be uncomfortable, but it was. It was hard and cold. I had to laugh at that moment because I was seconds away from comparing leather seats and vampires. I put my head in my hands and let my misery wash over me again.

"Do you envy them?" his soft voice sounded in my ear.

I wasn't shocked to see him here. For some reason, and I don't know how I knew, but deep down, I knew he would be here to say goodbye.

"Of course I do. They're happy." My words were simple, but they were true.

I tried to delay it, but my eyes couldn't resist looking up at him. His expression was one of such tenderness and it stunned me.

"Are you going to come back?" His question caught me off guard, but I knew he would be the only one to ask and want an honest answer.

"I don't know, Jasper. I want to, but I couldn't handle it a second time if he left," I admitted. "A heart can handle only so much."

"That's not all that's making you run."

I had always wondered if Jasper was able to read my mind. He always seemed to know what I was thinking. I took a deep breath, defeat an emotion I was only too aware of.

"I don't know if I could give him everything he would want. I can't trust myself to be enough for him and that will hold me back."

"He was sincere in everything he told you, Bella." His tawny eyes looked pained and his voice seemed strained to get the words out.

"I don't know. He was able to leave so easily before, even knowing what it would do to me." That seemed to be the part I couldn't wrap my head around.

"He wanted more for you, Bella, we all did." I heard the call for passengers to start boarding and sighed.

"I have to go."

I didn't know why, but the thought of leaving didn't feel so right now that I had arrived at this moment, and as much as I wanted to deny it, the only reason I didn't want to go now was because of the man beside me. It was what I had been afraid of for the past hour, that my leaving had nothing to do with Edward coming back, but having to face the choice of yearning for something I couldn't have or settling for what I could.

"I know."

I could hear the acceptance in his voice, but didn't want to read more into it. Things were ruined enough as it was.

I stood up as he grabbed my purse and carry on. We walked silently to the stewardess stand, but stepped to the side to let the other passengers go around us. I reached over to grab my bag, but he had already dropped it to the floor.

The next moment would be forever burned into my mind because there was none other to compare it to. I stood in the strong circle of his arms, clutching onto his biceps for support because I was sure my legs were going to give out.

In his arms, I felt all the sadness I had ever felt.. It rushed through my body in long agonizing waves. It was a familiar feeling to me, except I knew it was coming from him and it killed me. Standing here like this, I knew for certain this was the real reason I couldn't go back to being with Edward like before.

I pulled away from him as the realization washed over me. Somehow in the past month, I had fallen for Jasper even with all my past heartache. His cool hands came up to rest upon my cheeks as my heart broke, shattering into a million pieces. I tried to smile at him, while holding back my tears.

"I won't destroy your family," I said quietly. "They've been through so much already and I can't do that to them."

His thumbs were stroking along my cheekbones and I could feel my resolve shaking.

"Don't go, don't leave here only to come back to him," he said so softly I almost didn't hear him.

"We both know I will. Could you really do this to Alice, to Esme?" I saw the change in his eyes as soon as I brought up the matriarch of the Cullen family. "You're only feeling this way because I feel it so strongly."

"That's not true and you know it, Bella," the emotion in his eyes and voice calling my bluff.

I took one long last look at him, trying to burn into my memories the exact shade of his hair, the way his eyes looked at me, the feel of his skin touching mine. I knew when I came back, this would all be gone.

"Tell everyone I'll see them soon."

I lifted up on the tips of my toes and touched my lips to his cheek. His hand caught in my hair as his other arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer, his lips pressing into my temple, making the tears that had been threatening to spill roll down my cheeks, before his lips ghosted softly across mine. I pulled away quickly and practically ran down the ramp to board.

I took my seat on the plane and looked out the window, wiping away tears. In my mind, I could so easily see an eternity at his side. It would be so effortless to be with him, easier than breathing, but he wasn't mine and I wasn't his. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride, and that's all it was. A wish and a dream and we both knew it. His softly unspoken goodbye would follow me for the rest of my life.

I had made my choice.


	11. Chapter 11

**_New chapter. I never do this as a rule, but, I really thought it was essential. This chapter is in Jasper's point of view and I'm extremely proud of it, so be gentle. A thank you always to my beta and friend Catherine (Dollybigmomma) and please review! _**

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Saved

Chapter 11

**_"I didn't know what they are called, the spaces between seconds- but I think of you always in those intervals." -Salvador Plascencia (The People of Paper)_**

_July 7_

She had been gone for almost a week. Every day was a struggle with each second leading up to a bitter war between my heart and my mind, between right and wrong. Her lingering scent followed me from one spot to the next. Her beautiful face danced before my eyes a million times a day, playing a game of hide and seek and urging me to find her in one of the rooms of the house. Her twinkling laughter echoed in my mind all the time. I could hear her softly say my name and I would turn around, expecting to see her dark hair falling onto my shoulder as she whispered in my ear. I could even feel her touch, even though she was miles away. The imaginary caress would burn through my clothes, allowing me to feel her warm, satiny skin lingering on mine.

It was heaven, but also my deepest hell.

I don't know how she did it, but at some point in the time I had known her, she had gotten under my skin.

I looked over at my wife and tried to remember if I had ever felt feelings this strongly about her. I assumed at one point I had, but not anymore. Things were just so wrong between us that I just didn't feel it. A long standing affection, yes, but not this burning need.

I knew she did what she felt she had to do with calling Edward. I wasn't sure of the reasoning, but that's how it was. The thing about the Cullen's was that they stuck together, they worked towards peace. It was the only way they could exist with what they were. It meant sacrifice, which was something I was only too familiar with lately.

"You could talk to me," Alice said, her voice full of pain.

I knew this wasn't easy on her. I didn't know what she had seen, but I didn't know how she could have missed seeing Bella and I. My mind was always caught between staying here and going to her. I yearned for her. I longed to see her face in reality. I wanted to see the way her skin would flush; I wanted to hear how her heart would speed up when we were in the same room. There was so much I wanted, but I knew I couldn't have it. There were always others to think of in this family and I wasn't excluded from the same way of thinking.

"I apologize," I stated simply, not wanting to get into another fight with her.

It seemed like that was all we did anymore. She would rage at me for not paying attention to her and I would walk out of the room, annoyed by her constant range of emotions.

She walked over to me and sank to the floor in front of me. Her movements were so graceful, so beautiful. It didn't seem right that she should look so delicate, being that she was one of the most deadly predators on the planet.

Alice slid her petite hand into my much larger one and dropped a kiss on its surface.

"We can work past this, Jasper," she pleaded with me. "I know we can. Just give us a chance." It didn't slip by me that Alice's emotions belied that she didn't truly believe her own words.

I looked down at her exquisite face and wished that another one was in its place. I had never wanted anything more than I did Bella at that moment.

I didn't say anything else and neither did she. After twenty minutes of sitting there like that she sighed, knowing the conversation was over. She hesitated, looking like she was ready to say something, but she didn't. She released my hand back onto my lap, her tiny fingers touching the spot where my wedding band would be if we ever wore them anymore. She swept from the room quietly, leaving me alone, with only my thoughts to keep me company. It was enough because they were filled with _her_, only her.

_August 17_

We gathered to greet Esme and Carlisle in the driveway as they pulled in. Emmett pushed everyone out of the way and opened the door for Esme like a child waiting to receive a gift from their parent. Out of all of us, Emmett enjoyed the comfort of Carlisle and Esme's parenting the most.

I could feel his excitement and knew it would be rewarded. They never failed to bring souvenirs back from a trip. I knew somehow that Rosalie would be going through pamphlets containing all the specs on the newest concept cars. Alice would be dancing around in the new coat, dress, shoes or bag that Esme would have brought for her and the rest of us would thank them and head back into our other pursuits.

I waited for Carlisle to open the back of Esme's Range Rover and pulled out the suitcases that were there. I carried them up to their suite of rooms and smiled as Bella's scent wafted up to my nose from the Italian leather.

I had forgotten how sweet it was. Edward claimed that she only smelled like freesia, but to me there was so much more to it. It was flowers, rich earthiness, with spices and vanilla. The flowers ranged from exotic night blooming jasmine to the provocative fragrance of a rose in full bloom. It was the lustrous rays of sunlight on a bright day; it was the smell of newly fallen rain in the middle of the afternoon. There were ribbons of fruity peach and warm cinnamon that wound through it as well. It was complex, it was simply her. How he could only smell freesia I didn't know.

I sat the bags down and urged my feet to leave the room, to remove myself from the temptation her scent offered me. I thought, for a second, of snatching one of the bags and locking myself in my study with it, but I knew I couldn't do that. I was having a hard enough time keeping my thoughts guarded from Edward and knew if I took the bag, it would not only be creepy, but would also open my mind to thoughts of her and I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it from him.

With great difficulty I forced myself to close the door and join my family downstairs.

They were all seated in the formal living room. Esme had on a bright smile that lit up her face and her eyes. She looked so animated as she recounted their visit with Bella.

Bella had called a week ago and invited Carlisle and Esme to join her in Paris. We had all been eager to hear from her. When the call came through the emotions in the room stunned me. It wasn't very often our family had something we were truly excited about, but Bella had given us that.

Esme had booked flights and then left the next day to visit. They had been gone four days and it had taken all of my strength to keep myself from joining them.

"Paris suits her," Esme reflected fondly.

Rosalie's head perked up at that. "Did she say anything about any of the rest of us visiting her?"

I could feel the affection flowing from Rose's body. More than anyone else I was shocked at the friendship that had blossomed between the two former enemies. In the past, Rosalie's emotions towards Bella had ranged from loathing to jealousy. But now, I could only feel love, compassion and friendship. It made me smile because they were so suited to be companions. Underneath Rosalie's cold exterior was a warm heart with a large capacity to love. Just like Bella's. She didn't wear the mask of indifference that Rose preferred, but their hearts moved along the same frequency.

"Truthfully, I don't know. But she made the first step, and that leads me to believe she'll want to see the rest of you soon," Carlisle said calmly, not wanting to get anyone's hopes up.

"Did she seem happy?" Edward questioned, anxiety heavily lacing his words.

This was how he was all the time and it drove me insane. I didn't want to be hateful, but the man walked around like a little kid whose dog had been stolen. He exuded a cloud of anguish and suffering and it was affecting us all. Already having thoughts that would hurt him, I had kept my own company or that of Rosalie and Emmett. But when we were all together, I was constantly bombarded with his depression and I couldn't stand it. I had enough of my own to deal with.

"I think in a way she is, but there's something else and I can't quite put my finger on it," Esme spoke, her emotions conflicted as she looked at me. "I think if you had been with us, Jasper, you could have told us what it was or given us an idea as to her thoughts."

Alice's eyes bored through mine as Esme spoke.

"I'm sure she has a lot on her mind," I said evenly, not wanting to give away my true feelings. I knew why she was conflicted because I was right there with her, figuratively speaking. "She's been through too much in too short of a time."

My mind flew back to seeing her for that first time since we had left, at her graduation. In a crowd of so much excitement and exuberance, there had been an overwhelming amount of grief and it had come from her.

I had intended to leave before she saw me, but her eyes had locked on mine and I was too stunned to move. I was caught in her gaze, trapped in the carefully executed movement of her body. Her scent bonded into my senses as she threw herself in my arms.

I had never felt more alive than I did at that moment, with her wrapped around me. Her body had molded to mine, fitting in the most perfect way. Her silken hair had fallen on my neck and rested just underneath my nose. I hadn't been able to restrain myself from sinking my fingers into the rich mass. It was like plunging your hands into a fire and I loved it. I loved the way t the strands wound around my fingers anchoring me to her and her to me.

Her despair had evaporated into a feeling of unadulterated joy. It had almost knocked me to my knees.

"She was so lost when I saw her at graduation. Her heart was so full of pain and loss. There was also the anger and the betrayal she felt. It was so much; I don't know how she was able to handle it. I've never seen someone so damaged. I think she was truly broken in every way possible. Then coming here, submerging herself in our way of life again..." I knew they would never know just how damaged she had been. "I'm sure with time, she'll figure it out."

I watched as Edward walked out of the room, a tremendous weight pressing down on his shoulders as his feet carried him up the stairs.

_August 19_

Carlisle and Esme had been back for two days. Two days that seemed to be the longest of my life. Their euphoria from their trip still hadn't worn off and had infected me with a persistent urge to run to Paris and be with her. I wouldn't even have to see her, just to be in the same city would be fine, to even be near enough to smell her would be enough.

"I got a text from Bella," Rose said in a low whisper as we wandered through the gardens.

"That's wonderful," I said. My curiosity was killing me. I wanted specific details, but knew of no way to ask.

I had always been kept away from Bella, away from the temptation of her blood, even though it didn't affect me as much as everyone seemed to think it did. I could understand the whys of it, but it left me with no one to ask about her. To everyone, I was on the fringes with Bella and it near killed me.

"She's asked if Emmett and I would like to visit her in a few weeks."

She seemed to be holding something back, but her emotions gave no clue as to what she was thinking.

"That's wonderful. If she wants to see you it means that she may come back one day," I said, hoping all the while it was true.

"Yes."

"Is something bothering you?" I asked. Rosalie wasn't one to keep quiet, but she was now and that had me worried.

She sat down on the bench Bella and I had sat on and talked the afternoon Edward had come back. This was my favorite spot on the property. I could come out here and relive that afternoon. I could remember the way her heart had raced as I sat next to her, how her hair had blown in the wind as she twirled the rose around between her fingers.

"I just don't understand how one person can be so forgiving. I mean, look at how I treated her and now, all she wants to do is be my friend." The guilt was coming off of her in waves. "I don't deserve to be her friend. Emmett does. He's always loved her, even since that first day. He's delighted in being her brother and friend, but me... Jasper, you know how badly I treated her."

"The past doesn't matter, Rose. She's forgiven you and you've made your amends. When she came to us, you tried, probably for the first time in your life, to be a better person than you thought you were. Bella recognizes that and is thankful you're willing to include her in your life," I said, realizing she had done the same with me.

Where I had held myself aloof from her and nearly killed her, she had given me a chance to know her. Of course it hadn't been friendship. It was something much deeper. Something that with all the emotions I had ever felt, this couldn't be described. It stretched beyond the bonds of love and lust.

"So, when are you leaving?" I asked.

"I'm going to make reservations tomorrow for the beginning of September," she said as an excited smile grew across her face.

I could feel her enthusiasm and I was jealous.

"You should come with us. I know she would like to see you, or at least I think she would," Rosalie propositioned and I was sorely tempted to take her up on the offer.

"She didn't ask me," I stated simply as my mind reverted to thinking of that last day we had spent together in this very spot.

_October 7_

She had been gone three months. I had never been so acutely aware of time as I was now. I didn't even bother to look at the clock anymore. I simply counted the seconds as they turned to minutes until they evolved into hours and then finally days. I was secretly hoping she wouldn't turn it into months and worse, years.

All I could think as time taunted me was that I hadn't said goodbye. When we were at the airport I hadn't told her that she held the missing pieces of my heart. I hadn't begged her to stay with me and I regretted it more as each second passed with agonizing slowness.

Rosalie and Emmett had brought back photos of their time with Bella. There were shots of the three of them at the top of the Eiffel tower. Bella had worn a pair of black pants and a white sleeveless shirt. Around her neck was an azure scarf that flew behind her as a gust of wind hit when the picture was snapped. On her face was a look of surprise as her hand rested on Emmett's sleeve, while Rose was reaching up for the scarf.

Along with that, there was a snapshot of Bella and Rose at an outdoor cafe. This picture was before my eyes constantly because it was the one that affected me the most.

They were seated at a low wrought iron table. The girls had their arms around each other as greenery and flowers blossomed around them. If I had been there, I probably would have been overwhelmed with the amount of affection that seemed to flow between the two of them. The smile on Bella's face was so lifelike I could call up the image and imagine I was there with her.

Since they had returned, the longing to see her had only intensified. I knew I was only days away from running to her and abandoning everything here.

"She's going to ask you to come," Alice said as she walked in the door, her head hung in defeat.

"Is she?" I didn't bother to conceal my hope as I asked. We both knew it was over and didn't bother dancing around it anymore.

"She'll be calling you in ten minutes."

It was so strange to see her so depressed and it did weigh on my conscience, but I was certain now that she had known this would happen all along. She would never admit it, but it was there, unspoken, but known to all of us except for Edward, who did nothing but lie in Bella's bed and wait.

He didn't join us as a family any longer, only to hunt when it became a necessity.

"I have to warn you, though," she said quietly, her voice hoarse having lost its whimsical quality in the last few weeks. "It's only for a week. She's decided and it's not going to be you."

Her words hit me like a semi. I had known all along she would chose Edward and thought I had reconciled myself with her decision. But this was life and now that the moment had arrived, I wasn't sure how to accept it. I had held out hope; it was small, but it had burned bright and probably always would.

"Jasper?" She called my name, trying to refocus my attention.

Alice words sounded in my mind again. She didn't belong to me, but to him. She always had and now, she always would.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," Alice said, her words a whisper on the air.

I walked over to her and kissed her softly on her forehead. "I'm sorry it's turned out this way, Alice. I don't know where we went wrong."

"It went wrong when I decided to use what I knew for my own agenda," she murmured and I knew it took a lot to make her admit it. "I was selfish and I know that now. I've taken more from you than you will ever know. I've lost my friend, caused my family pain and worse, I've kept you from her, from fulfilling a destiny that could have been one filled with the two of you, together and happy."

I didn't know what to say to her now that I knew the truth, but I was grateful. Grateful that she was being selfless, that she was putting someone else above herself, that even though it hurt her, she let him- them go.

Her eyes slid into that far away look I had seen on her face so many times before she turned her back to me. "Take this time with her and cherish it. I know she will, I've seen it." Her emotions were flat and she didn't look at me, so I couldn't read her any longer as she had turned to leave.

My phone rang and it was the hardest thing I had ever done to pick it up. My hands shook as I lifted the small black device to my ear.

I watched as Alice walked out of what used to be our bedroom, her waif like body slumped down, but she still gifted me with a slight smile as I answered the phone.

"Hello?" I asked, my body tense, ready to hear the melody her voice carried.

"Jasper?"

The sound of her voice was a mixture of tears and love and it lifted me as I resigned myself to having only this small amount of time that she would be mine.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Did you ever notice (if you're an author) that you always start out a story, promising yourself that you won't do author's notes, but then realize that you do one every chapter? Raise your hands so that I'm not the only one. Anyway.... here is the new chapter, told from Jasper's POV since so many of you seemed to enjoy it and I just couldn't not let him have another chapter. There is some French in this chapter and I have provided the translations at the bottom. I'm sorry if they are not completely accurate, but I will put in what I typed in English and what the site translated into French for me. Sorry, best I could do. _**

**_As always, a huge massive thank-you to my beta, Catherine (dollybigmomma). I'm sure she wanted to murder me about this chapter. I sent her waaayyy to many emails about it, but she was a dear and replied to each one, regardless of the time. If you get a chance, I strongly recommend that you check out her fanfic because it's definitely worth a read! _**

**_So, onto the chapter. Have your tissues ready._**

* * *

Saved

Chapter 12

I stood outside of the hotel for over an hour. My sharp eyesight took in every person that walked in and out the revolving doors. So far, twelve people had come out; three jumping into taxis and the other nine joining a tour that had stopped outside of the hotel. Going in, there had been a delivery man carrying a large arrangement of hydrangeas and lilies, a woman who had stepped out of a limo with a staff of five, and two families. Needing to calm myself, I had counted the number of windows that made up the front facade of the historic hotel; there were forty-five of them, nine on each story of the five story building. On the top floor there was a family of four with a little girl that kept pressing her face to the glass as she looked at the Eiffel tower, her face turning back into the room every few minutes with a look of sheer exhilaration. But, only one window held what I was looking for. On the second story, third window from the left was Bella.

It was an old stone mansion that had been converted, as many other historic buildings had been, probably built in the middle of the seventeen hundreds by the look of the hotel. The stone was a soft cream with gleaming gold gilding on the scroll work that graced the hotel. I hadn't been inside, but I was certain it was decorated in the epitome of taste. Probably a mix of antiques, spindly chairs, blue silk sofa's, heavily framed portraits as well as all the modern amenities like wi-fi, granite, and mood lighting. Rosalie had nothing but glowing reviews of the hotel when they had visited, so I was sure it was perfect.

I didn't know where Bella had stayed previously, but I knew Carlisle and Esme had urged her to change hotels when they came. If I knew Bella, I was sure she would have protested about the money. But on the other hand I knew Carlisle and Esme even better and knew they would have pressured, but not overly, until she caved. They had called it a graduation gift and Bella had given in, like she always seemed to do when it came to our family.

My eyes wandered again to her room. I knew it was nerves that kept me waiting out here, unable to strike up the courage to see her. The truth was, I knew this wouldn't last and I couldn't bring myself to think about her being with Edward. All I could see when my mind traveled down that road was an image of her in his arms, her silken hair wrapped around his fingers, her sweet scent covering him as his lips, his body, pressed to hers. It tortured me, but the image remained, growing each time I thought of it. Jealousy coursed through my veins every time I envisioned her in his arms, in his bed, in his thoughts.

I was resigned to this, though. If this one week was all I was going to get with her, I would take it and show her just how much I cared for her, show her how good I thought she was, how good we were together- even if it killed me to let her go.

"Are you going to stay out here all day or are you eventually going to say hello?" Her sweet voice sounded in my ear and I thought I had imagined it. It wouldn't have been the first time. I had been hearing her voice in my mind for the past three months and several times a day I could have sworn she was in the room with me. But this, this was so much better. My imagination could never have conjured up that breathy tone that almost brought me to my knees.

I turned around, surprised that she had been able to sneak up on me. I must have been too preoccupied to notice her approach. It wasn't often that anything, human or immortal, could do easily, but she had done it. She was my weakness, or as the French would say, _Elle est ma faiblesse, je le reve d'est le sien._

She is my weakness, I dream of being hers.

I pushed the military side of my mind out of the way and just looked at her. She was innocently beautiful, like she had always been, but she was different as well. The long locks of brown hair I fantasized about were gone, replaced by a slightly shorter cut that allowed her hair to twist into fat curls that hung just at her shoulders. Her skin, while still pale had taken on a healthier glow. Not quite tan, but not pink, either. It was in the middle and it looked great on her. There was something else, though. Where she used to stand with her shoulders lowered, there was now a stronger line to her body, giving her a look of confidence that had always been absent.

Esme had been right. Paris had suited her and I hated that it hadn't been me that was able to suit her as well.

"Jasper?" she asked, trying to get my attention. Her breath caught in my nose and I was stunned again by the fragrance that was her.

My name, a slight whisper on her lips, pulled me out of my thoughts and I pulled her quickly into my arms, suddenly eager for her touch, to feel her curves pressed against me and determined to not waste anymore of the time I had with her.

There was not a single word, poem or song I had ever read or heard that could describe the feeling of holding her like this. Breathing in her delicious scent, hearing the racing beat of her heart as it pounded against my body, feeling the warmth of her skin as it seeped through my clothes, lifted all thoughts from my head, leaving me with just a feeling of absolute joy.

I pressed my lips to the tender skin at her temples, whispering her name over and over, as if saying it enough times would make her mine. That it would keep us rooted here for eternity, just the two of us.

She clutched onto me tighter as I accidentally released a feeling of bittersweet joy and I felt the heat of her tears she must have tried so hard to keep from falling on my light sweater.

"Bella." I stressed her name, lifting her eyes to mine, not wanting to see sadness or pain pooling in the rich depths of her soul. I only wanted to see delight and happiness. "We'll take this for us, only us. For our time here, no one else exists. Only you and me."

I rubbed my thumb over her trembling bottom lip before pressing my mouth to hers, unable to stand the acute torture of not tasting her any longer. I tried to keep the kiss chaste, but my urges consumed me and were fueled on by hers, like accelerant to a fire. I pulled her body closer to mine until there was no line separating us from each other and even that wasn't enough. I poured everything I had into the kiss, every feeling of joy, each ounce of passion, each moment over the past few months that I had longed for her. It was all there.

She broke off the kiss, breathing rapidly as her chest heaved from the rugged passion that had been between us. I watched her swollen lips twist up into a sad smile before she grabbed my hand, pulling me behind her into the hotel. I would gladly go anywhere as long as she was leading, even if it would lead me to torment. I would follow, always.

The ride in the elevator was quiet, except for the rushing sound of Bella's heart as we stood with our arms wrapped around each other. She led me into her room, and I shut the door quietly behind us, depositing my bag on the floor by her bed. When I had made flight arrangements, I didn't make a reservation for a room. For some reason, I knew I wouldn't need it and now it had been confirmed. Her brown eyes followed the progress of the bag until it touched the floor and she smiled, her face lighting up only to fall a moment later as her gaze returned to mine.

"Just you and me," I reminded her softly.

"I know. I just want to get it out in the open," she said, her emotions quickly turning to anxiety.

"I already know, Bella, and I accept it," I muttered, not wanting to believe it, but knowing I had no choice.

"How?" she asked, her eyes downcast.

"Alice."

I watched as she sank onto the plush chaise by the large window I had been watching her through. I walked over to her and pulled her into my lap, determination pouring out of my skin. I could accept this; I would accept this and have no regrets.

"I would rather have had this time with you than nothing else," I said, running my fingers through her thick curls, delighting in the way they seemed to burn my hands. I would gladly burn every day for eternity, just to have this every day.

"How did we get here?" she asked quietly after a moment, knowing that I knew she wasn't talking about our location.

"It built, slowly," I whispered as she laid her head on my shoulder. "You were the someone I've always imagined I would be with and I was there to help pick you up. It was inevitable."

I knew it was a lie. Over the past months I had come to the realization that these feelings hadn't just happened. They had been growing for a long time, starting on the trip to Phoenix when we were running from James. I hadn't realized at the time, but when I told her she was worth it, I meant it. I would have done anything for her even then.

Her eyes were sharp on mine. "You're lying."

"Yes, but let's not make this any more difficult on the both of us." I wanted to tell her I loved her, that I didn't want her to go to my brother, but it would only make this harder on her and I would do everything within my power to keep her from pain.

"Just you and me," she whispered again as she brought her hands to my hair.

We lay back on the chaise as I gave myself over to her gentle touches and relaxed for the first time in months, content to finally be with her.

~*~

The days had sped by too quickly. They were too short, not leaving me with enough time. That first day we had spent the remainder of the evening curled up on the chaise by the window, the lights of Paris illuminating the room. I had ordered some food for her which she ate while curled in my lap. We didn't talk, there were too many things that didn't need to be said, too many things that intruded on our time enough as it was. So we sat there in silence, completely content to just be with each other and ignore the outside world.

Our second day had been a repeat of the first, except our location had changed. I picked up a blanket, since the sun had disappeared for the day and took her to _Jardin du Luxenmbourg_. She had lain next to me on the blanket, flowers blooming around us, even in the middle of October with her small hand clasped in mine as we made small talk about Forks, my lingering human memories and her life before the Cullens, neither one of us committing to talk about our situation.

That night we had returned to the hotel after picking up a quick meal from the cafe down on the corner. I watched her pick at her food and was a bit concerned because it almost felt like she never ate and I never picked up feelings of hunger from her. I had felt lust, affection, love and trust, but not hunger for food.

"Do you ever eat?" I asked her, cocking my head to the side and taking in the changes to her body that hadn't been apparent since I was so preoccupied with just being with her.

It looked like she had lost more weight, if that was even possible because she was so tiny before. But I could see it. She had dropped a few more pounds since that last afternoon I saw her. Instantly, I felt guilty. This couldn't be good for her, all this extra stress.

I felt guilty and I was sure Edward would have remembered everything that needed taking care of when it came to her humanity. But the thoughts of jealousy were instantly squashed when I remembered that he had kept her alive and that was enough for me.

"I eat enough," she spoke softly, her eyes looking softly into mine. "Besides, I'm so happy you're here and I don't want to waste any of my time with silly human things like eating."

I could tell she was joking at that point, but made it a priority to ensure that she ate at regular intervals and smiled at me more often like she was doing now.

~*~

I left the bed on the morning of my last day here to sit on the chaise that was quickly becoming my favorite spot. I wanted to burn the image of her into my mind.

I had never understood Edward's obsession with watching her sleep, but I understood now. While her eyes were closed and her breathing even, she was stunning and I was transfixed. I couldn't have moved my eyes from her face even if they were removed from my body.

From my vantage point I could see the slight rise and fall of her chest as she slept peacefully. Her mouth was slightly open, like she was hiding a secret kiss in the corners of her lips. Her hair, which was temptation enough for any man, was spread around her on the pillows with loose strands kissing her dewy skin. Her cheeks were flushed a deep pink as she let out deep breathy sighs.

I would have given anything to see what she was dreaming of, but I knew, somehow, that she was dreaming of me. It didn't surprise me, if I could dream, I would dream of her every night.

I sighed and wished again that she was mine.

I forced myself to vacate my spot and jump in the shower. There were things I had planned for the day and I needed to get them done before she woke up. It was our last day and I was determined to either change her mind or make it impossible to forget me. I had never backed down from a challenge and I wasn't about to start now. She was too important to lose without a fight.

I dressed quickly and left the room and went downstairs to speak with the concierge.

"_Monsieur, j'exige votre assistance dans prendre des dispositions pour ce soir_." I spoke in the man's native tongue, hopeful that he would appreciate the effort and therefore put more effort into seeing my plans come to fruition.

"_De couler, monsieur. Comment peux-je vous aider?"_ The man smiled with a lively twinkle in his eye. "I think English will do. How can I be of service to you?"

I liked the man instantly. "I would like to have the Eiffel tower closed this evening, only for my usage."

"I see." The man, Louis, looked thoughtful and his eyebrows creased together as he looked me over. "I cannot guarantee that I will be able to accomplish that on this short of notice, and it will not come cheap."

"Money is no problem. I will pay whatever it takes, just make it happen." My mind had already moved on to the rest of my plan.

"_De couler, monsieur_," he said, pulling out a small notepad.

"I would also like to arrange for lunch to be sent up to my room. Have an assortment of fruits, meats and salads. Foods that will tempt a woman with no appetite. Oh, and a tray of deserts." I knew Bella had a sweet tooth, even if she wouldn't admit to it. "I would also like dinner for two arranged on our balcony."

I handed the man my credit card and told him our room number.

"I will see to it, as well as the other arrangement we discussed. I'm sure we can come to an agreement, even if it's not exactly perfect," the man smiled. "Can I inquire as to the reason behind your plans?"

I couldn't describe to him the exact reasoning. How do you explain to someone that you would walk through the deepest fires of hell, that you would risk everything, including your family to have one person? Because that's what this was. I would sell my soul, trade my family for just the hope of an eternity with her.

He watched me intently, and after a moment of my silence, the man grinned.

"_Ah, oui_. A woman, the weighing factor of a man's soul. It is she who decides whether you burn or soar," he said fondly with a faraway look on his face.

I smiled and nodded at the man and left him my number so he could call me when all the details were worked out.

As I reached the door, I felt his hand touch my chest, right over my heart. I flinched at the contact immediately and he backed up in fear, only to dismiss it and press his hand closer and more firmly to my heart.

"_Elle est une belle femme, mais meme je peux sentir la solitude qui exsude d'elle. Une femme toujours devrait savoir comme ca que son coeur appartient a quelqu'un et que le leur lui appartient dans le retour. Elle sait que vous tenez son coeur dans votre paume, elle juste ne se rend pas compte qu'elle tienne le votre. Je vous souhaite beaucoup de joies et d'ans d'amour,_" he said quickly and I could feel the sincerity of his words.

I nodded at him once more and stepped out onto the street, his words filling my mind- my heart.

As soon as I had picked up a large espresso and some pastries from a small stand, my phone rang. I juggled the bag and the coffee into one hand and fished the phone out of my pocket, checking the caller ID.

"Alice," I said casually. I had been waiting for her call and wasn't surprised that she waited until today.

"_He'll be calling you in an hour with the go ahead on all your plans," she stated softly_.

I knew this was taking a lot out of her to do this, to watch out for me- and Bella. I couldn't feel her emotions through the phone, but I could tell it was taking a supreme effort to do this.

"I appreciate this, all of this," I whispered softly to her.

"_I know, that's why I'm doing it." _She was quiet for a minute before she spoke again, "_I just want you to be happy and I've done enough to make that impossible for you." _

"Nothing is impossible, Alice, you know that. The future is subjective, it isn't set in stone," I replied. If I said it enough, there was always the hope that it would change.

"_I hope that in your case I'm wrong. I've sent a package for Bella that should arrive early this afternoon," she said, a bit of the person I used to know showing through._

"What is it?" I asked, instantly on guard.

"_A little something that's a start of my apologies." I could detect a hint of excitement in her voice and grinned. You could never know what to expect with Alice. "I have a long way to go, but I'm confident that one day she'll forgive me." _

"She will," I assured her. "Bella wouldn't hold out forgiveness on someone who deserves it, and you deserve it."

"_Thanks, Jasper." I thought she was going to end the call, but she spoke up again. "Oh, and don't worry about tonight. You won't hurt her."_

With that, the line was dead and I knew what she was speaking of.

I made it back to the hotel minutes later and opened the door to our room. The suite was filled with steam and the smell of it overwhelmed me. I had to clamp down on my blood lust. The smell of her heated blood, mixed with the rich scents that floated out of the bathroom was almost too much. I forced myself to not breath, to not give in to the monster that lurked within me.

"Jasper?" Her soft voice called out through the door to me, to the monster within.

My body crouched against my mind's wishes and tensed, ready to pounce.

The door opened slightly as she stepped out, a white towel clutched to her soaking body. Her heated scent hit me again with such force and I pounced.

I had her pushed against the wall before she could even speak, my lips devouring hers. I wound her arms around my neck as the towel fell from her body to the floor, her sinful flesh finally pressed completely to mine. She hadn't been completely dry and the water that was left on her skin soaked into my clothes, infusing her scent with mine.

I heard her repeat my name in heavy whispers as my cold lips assaulted the tender, burning flesh of her neck. She didn't push me away, only pulled me closer and slid her hands to the hem of my sweater. She struggled with my height, not quite able to slide it over my shoulders so I took control. I ripped the sweater off my body and threw it to the corner of the room, knocking a lamp over on its journey.

Without anything barring our flesh from each other, I let out a deep growl, knowing she was mine, finally.

My hands roamed across the sunken planes of her stomach, feeling every muscle beneath her skin, the layer of baby fine hair that coated all humans skin, everything. I trailed my fingers over her ribs and down the length of her thigh, raising it to hook around my waist, her scorching core pressed to my stomach.

I heard a strangled cry escape her throat and I pushed myself back until my body came in contact with the wall, my breath struggling to catch up, even though I didn't need it.

Her eyes were large and startled and her lips swollen and bright pink. She was the sexiest, most alluring creature I had ever seen and she didn't even know it. That fact made me desire her even more.

I could only imagine what I looked like to her now, probably like some kind of animal. She was lucky I was able to hold back. Even looking at her now and feeling her desire was enough to send me over the edge again. I had never wanted someone as much as I wanted her, and I wanted all of her. I wanted to brand my mark on her heart, her body and her blood. I wanted everyone to know that she belonged to me as much as I belonged to her.

I walked over to the window and slid it open, allowing some of the Bella scented steam to clear the room and my head. I drank in the fresh air like a suffocating man, pushing the monster back with every breath. When I had control over myself, I turned to her.

She had sunk to the ground, her back pressed against the wall and her towel covering her body. I wouldn't have been surprised if she looked terrified, but she didn't. She looked feral and for a moment I thought that she might attack me back. To my disappointment, she didn't.

I walked over to her cautiously, my hands flat out in front of me and knelt before her. I willed a strong wave of calm to wash over the both of us so she would believe I wasn't going to hurt her.

"Don't you dare apologize," the challenge flashing in her bewitching eyes.

"I won't and never will," I replied and meant every word of it.

"I'm glad because I won't apologize either."

She smiled back at me, flashing her tiny teeth and placing her hand in mine to help her up. Thankfully the towel stayed in place this time.

When she was seated on the bed with the dropped bag of baked goods and espresso, I sat back and realized I would need to hunt and immediately. Alice's words came back to my mind and I knew tonight was the night.

"I have to leave," I said softly.

Her eyes grew round as her emotions flew between panic, anguish, and inferiority. I was stunned momentarily until I realized why. She believed that I was leaving, as in not coming back. My mind raged as I knew she was comparing me to Edward.

"I'm not him, Bella!" I shouted at her, the jealousy I had been feeling releasing itself with my words and she visibly flinched. "I wouldn't be parted from you unless you asked and I know you're going to."

Now that the floodgates had been opened I was unable to stop the unleashing of the fury and power of my words. "I would give anything to stay with you forever, Bella, but you won't give me the chance."

"Jasper, please," she pleaded, but I held up my hand to stop her.

"Do you know what kind of hell I've lived in the past few days, knowing that after this I'll have to watch an eternity of you, with him? I'll watch it every day and wish it was me. Every moment you touch him, I'm going to be thinking of this, of that moment we just shared over there. Every time you say his name, I'll hear your voice saying mine."

"It isn't going to be that way," she said softly, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

I walked over to her and rested my palm along the curve of her face.

"It will, and I accept this, Bella. If this, him, is what will make you happy, then I'll gladly suffer every day for the rest of time." I looked down at her small fingers stroking mine, my voice softening. "I have to go hunt, for your safety. I can't risk hurting you."

I felt her guilt mix with my own as I walked to the door. "I ordered lunch for you. It should be up in a few hours. Please try and relax. I'll be back by five." She smiled at me weakly as I walked out the door.

I silently prayed, wishing it would be the last time.

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_French _Translations:

_Elle est ma faiblesse, je le reve d'est le sien_

She is my weakness, I dream of being hers.

_Monsieur, j'exige votre assistance dans prendre des dispositions pour ce soir._

Sir, I require your assistance in planning. (I don't remember what else it said, but along the lines of I require your assistance in planning an evening)

_De couler monsieur. Comment peux-je vous aider?_

Of course, sir. How can I help you?

_Elle est une belle femme, mais meme je peux sentir la solitude qui exsude d'elle. Une femme toujours devrait savoir comme ca que son coeur appartient a quelqu'un et que le leur lui appartient dans le retour. Elle sait que vous tenez son coeur dans votre paume, elle juste ne se rend pas compte qu'elle tienne le votre. Je vous souhaite beaucoup de joies et d'ans d'amour._

She is a beautiful woman, but even I can feel the loneliness that exudes from her. A woman like that should always know that her heart belongs to someone and that theirs belongs to her in return. She knows you hold her heart in your palm, she just doesn't realize that she holds yours. I wish you many joys and years of love.


	13. Chapter 13

**_Hello everyone! My apologies are worthless when it comes to the lack of updates in between the last chapter and this one, but I do have actual reasons for not posting. I hope you all enjoy the new chapter (even though it's not on par with previous ones). The next chapter I am sure will be better. :) I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and are enjoying the new year. _**

**_As always, thank you to my beta, DollyBigMomma. She is wonderful and was so considerate when I was sick this past month. Check out her stories! _**

**_Also, keep your eyes open for a ExB story that I will soon be posting. I know what many of you will say "Oh no! You're doing an Edward story?" I assure you, the world is not ending, The story just kind of popped in my head and has been hammering away at my every waking moment. So, watch for new story alerts from me. Enjoy!_**

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Chapter 13

I sat on the bed, the coffee and danish Jasper had bought perched precariously on my thighs and growing cold with each passing minute. Since he had been gone for about an hour I was pretty sure the coffee was bitterly cold and the danish had become soggy. I couldn't have cared less. Food held no temptation for me at this moment because it was all focused on the wall next to the bathroom where we had stood tangled together earlier.

I brought my fingers to my lips and closed my eyes. I could still feel his mouth pressing urgently to mine, the sparks that had gone off in my mind as his tongue devoured my mouth. I could still feel his hands rubbing down my body, skimming over my ribs and caressing the smooth skin of my stomach, igniting a fire within me that my mind had hinted at, but had never really known before. It had been the most erotic moment of my life and my mind had been playing it on instant replay ever since he had shut the door. I was lost to the lingering feel of his body pressed against mine.

I don't know why I had asked Jasper to come. I knew it was only going to cause me problems, loosen my resolve and hurt those who probably didn't deserve it, but I was selfish.

When I had left a few months ago, I was sure of what I was going to do. I was going to choose Edward. He deserved it. After everything he had sacrificed for me, he deserved to have the happiness he felt he could have with me. But being away from all of them, just being on my own, I had questioned my choices and my decisions.

When Rose and Emmett had visited, I had been so sure I would go back to Edward, but since then, my thoughts had wavered, especially after Rose and I had spent the day at that cafe…

"_I want to tell you again how happy Em and I are that you invited us to come. He has really missed __you," Rosalie said, her eyes looking down at the red and white checkered table cloth. "I've missed you a lot, too." _

_I smiled at her and touched her hand briefly from across the table. "I've missed you, too, especially your bitchy ways."_

_Her teeth flashed briefly with humor before turning into a frown. "Sometimes I don't feel like I deserve to have your friendship." _

_I furrowed my brow and then laughed, quite loudly. Her unique brand of sarcasm that came with her nearness caused my wicked juices to stir up again. "I don't know why you would possibly feel that way, Rose."_

"_Well, I don't think there's any denying that I've always been a total bitch towards you," she said with a grin across her perfect lips. _

"_I won't argue that, but that's just you. You were concerned for your family and I can understand that. I respect it as well," I replied, my mind wandering to all of our encounters before Edward had left. Truthfully I had always been more afraid of her than any of the rest of the others. She wasn't necessarily threatening, but the hostility she had showed towards me had bothered me. _

"_I could have made an effort, though," she said calmly while guilt filled her angelic features._

"_You could have, but you're doing it now and that's what matters to me," I said truthfully. I wasn't one to hold a grudge on someone who wanted forgiveness. The time we had spent together had shown me that she was capable of really trying._

"_Well, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate it, you know, on the whole forgiving me thing." Her hands were fiddling with the rim of her coffee cup and I could tell she wanted to move away from the topic and focus on more recent events. "So..."_

"_Just spit it out, Rose. We've only got so long before that man you call your husband gets back from those shops you sent him to." I hoped that my irritation didn't bleed through my words. I wasn't annoyed with her, only the situation and my response to it. I had never been more confused in my life, hence the running away. _

"_Are you coming back?" she questioned, her eyes burning into mine. _

"_Yes. How could I not?" I stated simply, hoping that would be all she wanted to know on the topic. To my dismay, she didn't drop it, not that I expected her to._

"_Ok, well, tell me this. Who are you coming back to?" Her voice didn't even have a hint of condemnation as I would have expected it to. _

_I squared my shoulders and attempted to look like I was positive. "Edward, of course." _

_She laughed, a rather unladylike snort coming out of her nose. "Hmm…Edward, you say?" Her eyes searched mine, probing my hidden thoughts. "You are such a bad liar."_

_I let out a loud sigh and dropped my head down, missing my arms and accidentally hitting my forehead on the table. _

"_He's been miserable," she said quietly. I don't know how she knew, but I knew she wasn't talking about Edward. "He's wound so tight I can see it in the form of his muscles. He won't talk to Carlisle or Esme. He refuses to even be in the same room as Alice and he avoids Edward like he has a rare form of the plague that only affects empathic vampires." _

_I lifted my head up, but couldn't look at her. I focused my gaze on the full blooms around us and the traffic that inched along the road, anywhere but at her. _

"_He stays in the library or the garden. He just sits there for hours, staring at nothing. It's like he's not really there and I know..." She paused briefly before continuing, "There's only one reason a man does that, Bella. I don't read minds or see the future, but I know he's sitting there thinking of you. Every time his eyes search the room, he's looking for you. Each time his name is called, he's wishing it was your voice."_

_I looked at her, wanting her to stop talking because it was only increasing the guilt I was feeling._

"_Call it woman's intuition," Rose said in response to the questioning look I'm sure was plastered on my face._

_I groaned quite loudly, only because I had caught myself doing the same thing many times since I had been here. I would usually sit in my hotel room in the chaise by the window and think of Edward. It happened every time I sat down. Within minutes my mind would drift to Jasper. I could still feel the ghost of his lips over mine, could still hear the whisper of his hands as they slid down my back, could still feel the urgency in his hushed words as I left him at the airport. _

"_Does anyone else know?" I asked tentatively._

"_We all know something to a degree," Rosalie said as she rubbed a finger over a perfectly arched eyebrow. "The problem with this family is that we have secrets. We all like to act like we don't, but we do. Everyone knows a little bit of something, and I know Jasper cares for you." _

_My heart fluttered even at the mention of his name. _

"_More importantly, I know you care for him just as much." She smiled at me; her eyes that were usually so hard were filled with compassion. "Woman's intuition," she reminded me quietly as she tapped her forehead and winked._

"_I don't know what to do," I admitted weakly, my voice sounding odd to my ears because it sounded so small._

"_You can't please everyone all the time, Bella. Sometimes you have to please yourself, too," she sighed heavily._

"_I wish I could, but if I did..." My words trailed off as a barrage of images flashed through my mind and my chest constricted painfully. "If I did, I would destroy your family and I can't have that on my conscience. I can't have Edward's heartache on my hands. It would haunt me every day, no matter how happy I am." _

"_I know it's hard, but some things are meant to be and regardless of how you fight it, it will happen anyway." Her words were spoken softly but with strong resolve, as if she could ingrain the words in my mind._

I rubbed my hand across the back of my neck in an attempt to ease the tension out of my aching muscles. It didn't help and I knew I wouldn't release any of the emotion behind it until Jasper came back. When he was near me I was simply me. The rest of the world didn't exist. There was no pain, no need to fill the silence around us, there was only him and I.

The past few days he had been here had been sheer amazement. We had gone to the gardens at that place I couldn't even begin to pronounce without butchering the name. Jasper had made each moment alive and filled with joy with only his presence. It had been amazing, but with each tender touch of his hand and every brush of his lips on my skin, I was losing ground, wavering in my choices. For the first time in my life I really wanted to be selfish.

Aiding in that were his confessions of what this was doing to him. I was utterly drawn to his passionate whispers of my name; his strong convictions of what it would do to him were I to choose Edward. In my heart, I agreed with him. He said he wanted an eternity of me in his arms. He wanted his name to pass from my lips when I was lying in bed. I wanted it, too, desperately, but my head... my head didn't agree. My mind always argued for Edward.

I was startled out of my internal struggle with a knock at the door. I opened it to find an older man holding a rather large package in his hands. He looked at me with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, like he knew a secret and was bursting to tell it. I had seen him a few times while I came and went. He seemed to always be at the hotel and always had a greeting for me that lit up my moods.

"_Sa belle ame,_" he said fondly.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly while my mind thought back to the translation books Esme had purchased for me. "I don't speak French."

The man, Louis, his name tag read, just shrugged his thin shoulders and smiled at me again. "It is of no importance, _mademoiselle._ You will figure it out soon enough_, un jour vous lacherez et voyez enfin._ This was delivered for you just a few minutes ago."

I reached out to take the large box from his hands and sat it on the bed. I dug into my bag and pulled out a few Euros to hand the man. He thanked me quickly and beamed at me before bowing his head politely and closing the door.

I walked over to the bed and slipped the lid off of the white box. I smiled as I took in the simple black dress and matching swing coat that was wrapped in tissue. There was also a pair of low kitten heels and a delicately beaded bag. I pulled the dress out and walked over to the full length mirror and held it up to my body. I smoothed the fabric against my body and delighted in the sensuous swish of the lightweight taffeta.

I pulled out a hanger for both the coat and dress and hung them up in the small wardrobe in the corner of the room. As the wood door shut I heard a light thud fall from the jacket. I leaned over and picked up the cream colored envelope that was addressed to me.

Opening it slowly, I sat down in the chaise almost afraid to read what it contained. Only one person would send me something like this and it was the someone I hated hurting more than anyone else: Alice.

I curled my feet up under my thighs and relaxed against the silky fabric of the chair before reading.

I ripped through the seal and pulled out the letter. Alice's handwriting was such a contrast to her personality. You would almost expect with her exuberance that her penmanship would be curly and large, very teenage girl like. I personally thought it would look a bit like a doctor's script, but to my surprise it was very neat. Her words flowed across the paper much like Edward's had; the loops and lines extremely precise.

I thought back to the conversation at the house before I had left. In some way she had betrayed me. She had lied to me in some form or another, I just wasn't sure why. Immediately, my remorse set in. I had only treated her in kind. I coveted her husband and wanted him to be mine. It was a universal rule among women, be they young or old; you never go after your friend's significant other. Ever.

I looked down at her writing and attempted to clear my mind as I processed her words. Accepting her apology was no problem for me, even though I was hurt by what she had done. I still loved Alice and probably always would, regardless of her actions. She hadn't explained the whole of it; that I was sure would come later. But this was enough.

I sat the letter down and looked at the clock. I had been sitting in that chair alone with my thoughts for three hours and now only had an hour to get ready before Jasper showed up.

~*~

I sat on the bed calmly waiting for Jasper to walk into the room. I had amazed myself with the speed in which I was able to get ready. My hair was styled with fat curls hanging around my shoulders like Rosalie had shown me. The makeup on my face was minimal, only a bit of concealer to cover the dark circles under my eyes, a few sweeps of mascara across my lashes, a tint of bronze across my lids and a brush of gloss across my lips. It wasn't much, but it was enough to make me feel better about the way I looked while knowing I would be standing next to Jasper.

His knock sounded lightly at the door before he stepped in. My heart leapt out of my chest as I saw him. His hardened body was covered in a black cashmere sweater and gray wool slacks that were pressed in precise lines. Over his arm was a matching jacket.

I took in the sight of him, committing the way he looked at that exact moment to memory. It was something I knew I would want to remember for the rest of my life, no matter how long that would be. I didn't bother looking at his body as my eyes were locked with his. Jasper's golden eyes were burning with every emotion I had ever known. I could see the darkness of his passion, the depth of his love, his strong resolve, his adoration, even his sadness and heartache. The way he felt, shining so brightly in his eyes was what I wanted to remember because I was sure that nothing could compare to him at this moment.

"I believe we have a date,_ mademoiselle," _he said in that low, seductive voice he knew I craved.

"I believe you're correct,_ monsieur,"_ I smiled brightly at him, leaving everything that was a distraction behind me.

Tonight was our night and I intended it to be one I would remember for eternity.

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French Translations- Again, they may not be spot on since I used an English to French translator online. You know, one of the free one's.... so... if there are mistakes, I'm sorry. I'm really not trying to butcher the beauty of the French language.

_Un jour vous lacherez et voyez enfin_ - One day you will let go and finally see.

_sa belle ame_ - His beautiful soul

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_**I promise that their actual date will be in the next one. Please read and review, especially review. Let me know of how you think the story is going**._


	14. Chapter 14

**_Here you go, the new chapter!! Squee.... I'm so excited for it. I was literally waiting on pins and needles to get it back from my beta, DollyBigMomm aka. Wonderwoman, last night. _**

**_As promised, I give you the date and a little something extra. Please remember that this story is RATED M, so if you are underage, PLEASE stop reading! _**

**_Also, don't forget to review!! _**

**_A recommendation~ For the begining of this chapter, please go to Youtube and search for Coldplay's song Sparks. It should be listened to while you read the begining of the this chapter. Trust me, it's worth it. _**

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_Did I drive you away?  
I know what you'll say.  
You'll say, "Oh, sing one we know"  
But I promise you this,  
I'll always look out for you.  
That's what I'll do._

_And sing "oh"  
I'll sing "oh"_

_My heart is yours.  
It's you that I hold on to.  
That's what I'll do.  
But I know I was wrong,  
And I won't let you down.  
(Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah I will, yes I will…)_

_But I'll sing "oh"  
I cry "oh"_

_Yeah I saw sparks,  
Yeah I saw sparks,  
And I saw sparks,  
Yeah I saw sparks,  
Singing out._

_La, la, la, la, oh…  
La, la, la, la, oh…  
La, la, la, la, oh…  
La, la, la, la, oh…_

_Coldplay, Sparks_

Chapter 14

I've heard from so many people that standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower with the one you love is too much of a cliché, but now that I've experienced it, I could, without a doubt, say that those people had no clue what they were talking about. There were only two conclusions I could make about the naysayers. They were either, one, insane or, two, they refused to see the beauty of Paris from such a great height while wrapped in the arms of someone who loved them unconditionally. I knew that I was one of the lucky ones.

I moved from my perch overlooking the breathtaking view of Paris and turned to look at an even better sight.

Jasper was speaking with the man who had taken us up the tower and who was also waiting to serve us, well me, what I was sure to be an exquisite meal. When he was finished speaking, he turned to look at me, giving me the full intensity of his gaze.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked me, holding his hand out to me.

"I can't think of anything else I would rather do at this moment." I mumbled shyly at him before placing my hand in his much larger one.

Jasper pulled my body flush with his and wrapped his arm around my waist and twirled his fingers into the curls he could reach from my back. He swayed our bodies slightly as he rested his cheek against my hair.

"There's no music," I whispered in his ear even though I didn't care. I didn't need music as an excuse to be like this in his arms.

"Well, that's something I can remedy," he chuckled slightly as he started to hum softly in my ear.

I recognized the tune as it was one of my favorite Coldplay songs, Sparks. I picked up where he was at in the song and rested my head against his chest, humming along with him.

I don't think I had ever been more content and it almost seemed like it was a dream. The lights of the city glittered around us as we moved slowly against one another. There was a light wind blowing and I could smell our scents mingling together, creating an intoxicating aroma that was simply us.

"Are you happy, Bella?" Jasper asked, breaking the peaceful hum that surrounded us.

"Right now? Very," I said simply because it was true. I didn't know what tomorrow would hold, but for this moment I was most happy.

I felt his thumb slide under my chin and stroke the skin lightly as he tilted my lips up to his. The kiss wasn't urgent or rushed. It was slow, just a tasting of each other. His lips pressed kisses around my mouth, covering every inch before settling on them fully. Jasper didn't push to deepen the kiss. His lips just brushed over mine repeatedly, his tongue sliding along my bottom lip before tracing it over with his thumb.

We broke apart slowly before he moved us over to the small wrought iron table that had been set up. As I sat down, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the man who had brought us up had disappeared while we had been dancing and in his place was a cart loaded down with silver dishes.

Jasper must have noticed my wandering gaze because a gentle smile crossed his lips.

"It would be my pleasure to serve you tonight." His voice was smooth, like warm honey and velvet.

I smiled shyly at him and felt my face heat from the force of my blush. I still wasn't used to all the attention, but I had found over the past week with Jasper that attention wasn't always such a bad thing. If we couldn't say the things that were always on the tips of our tongues then actions would have to say it for us. Jasper's actions told me in every way imaginable that he loved me.

I sat back and tucked into the sumptuous meal in front of me. Everything was cooked to perfection. The greens of the salad were fresh and crisp. The soup was the perfect temperature so as to not burn my mouth. The steak was full of flavor and so tender you could almost cut it with a butter knife. The wine was a wonderful Bordeaux red wine that made all the flavors of the meal burst in my mouth.

After the millionth bite I sat my fork down on my plate and sat back with the glass of wine in my hand.

"That good?" Jasper asked with a smile.

"It was heavenly." I laughed and patted my stomach for exaggerated effect. "Honestly, we poor Americans haven't got anything to offer when it comes to food like this."

"I'll have to take your word on that," he said with a slight chuckle.

"If I didn't have a real life to live, I would probably stay here for the rest of my life, bloating myself up on rich food and getting sloshed every night from this excellent wine."

I covered my mouth quickly with my hand, realizing I had pretty much insulted everything we had done together this past week. I made it seem like this wasn't real, that it was just a game I had to play before I got back to the reality of my life.

I watched Jasper's eyes darken and flash with anger before he let out a resigned sigh and looked out over the city.

I covered my hand over his. "I'm sorry, Jasper. I wasn't..."

"You didn't say anything but the truth," he snapped, even though his tone was soft. "There's no point beating around the bush or hiding the truth from one another."

"No, you're right, but tonight is only us and... and I should watch what I say." I dropped my eyes back to the table and cursed myself and my stupid mouth. "Jasper..."

"No, Bella. You're right, tonight is us," he said, bringing my hand to his lips and pressing a kiss onto my skin. "Do you want to look over the city for a while longer?"

I nodded and followed him over to the railing once again. I leaned back against his chest as his arms were perched on either side of me on the rail, and sighed with contentment, again.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered softly in my ear.

I was surprised to hear him actually say the words, but when they registered in my mind I felt free.

"You don't have to say it back; I just wanted you to know how I felt so there were no questions later."

I wanted to say it, I wanted to tell him what my mind had been denying, but I found myself unable to speak for the tears that were caught in my throat. Telling him I loved him as much as he loved me would be wrong since I couldn't actually give him the love I felt. That love belonged to someone else, even though I didn't want to give it to them.

I craned my neck so I could look up at him. The tenderness in his eyes was so beautiful and it made me want to weep. He loved me, he really did.

I reached out for his hand and smiled up at him, letting my emotions speak for me the things I couldn't use my voice to say. He clasped his hand in mine as I led him to the elevator.

We left the Tower without any words flowing between us. There were too many things to say that didn't need to be said. There were too many emotions floating around between us that there was no need to try and separate them. He knew me and I knew him, words would only get in the way. But, I could do something, something that would just be him and I. Something I couldn't give to anyone else again and didn't want to, either.

As soon as we stepped into our room and the door had shut, I reached out for him and ran my hands down his cloth covered back tracing his body around to his chest.

"Bella," he started to protest.

"Shhh," I hushed him softly while I put my finger up to his lips.

My hands shook only for a minute while I slid the zipper slowly down my back, allowing the taffeta to fall down my body until it fell into a pool of endless black at my feet. I placed my hand delicately on Jasper's shoulder and he let out a harsh hiss as I stepped out of the dress.

It was like someone else had taken control of my movements. For the first time in my life I moved with grace. My body obviously knew the steps to the age old dance of a man and a woman ready to share their bodies with one another.

I walked around him slowly, the heels of my shoes making seductive clicks on the marble foyer of our room. I slipped my hand underneath his sweater and rubbed my hands across the sculpted muscles of his stomach before slipping the expensive cashmere up over his head and throwing it to the floor with my dress.

His body tensed as I pressed my lips to every inch of skin that was now available to me. I kissed every raise in his skin, every scar that marred his chest, every thick rope of muscle I could access. With each sweep of my tongue across his skin a jolt of lust washed over my body, pressing down into my center.

As I worked my way down to the rouched nipples on his chest, he pulled me back up and licked his tongue along my mouth before parting my lips and devouring me with a kiss.

My nails raked across the tough skin of his back as he reached his arms around my back, unclasping the black strapless bra Alice had sent, dropping it to the floor. His hands then gripped me roughly and pulled me firmly to his chest. I groaned at the shock of my warm naked breasts hitting the cold, ripped muscles of his chest.

His hands traced circular patterns over my bare back as his lips descended on my neck, his teeth nipping over my pulse points causing me to shiver with anticipation and desire.

"Tell me you want this," he growled heavily as he looked at me.

"I want this. I want you," I said forcefully, not giving him any choice but to accept my commitment to what we were doing.

He kissed me softly before moving his lips down my throat to my collarbone, bending me slightly with his arm around my back.

Jasper's tongue slid along the delicate bones of my collar as he murmured passionate loving words over my heated skin.

"Jasper." His name was a breathy whisper on my lips as his mouth moved over my right breast, his tongue pressed flat against my nipple, sending a current of lust straight to my core.

He pushed us back until my legs hit the bed and he laid me down carefully, his mouth moving to my other breast, offering it the same treatment as he had the first.

"You're so beautiful," he said, letting my nipple pop from between his lips.

I groaned at the brief absence of his mouth on my sensitive skin, but was quickly lost to reality as he slid his hands down my stomach, pulling the matching panties slowly down my legs.

His lips started at the arch of my foot, gently nipping and sucking as he moved his way back up to my knees. He paid special attention to the bend in my leg, his hands running languidly up and down my legs causing a slow burn to spread across my skin.

When he got to my thighs I was already a quivering mess. I slid my hands into his golden hair, hoping to anchor myself to him, knowing instinctively that I wasn't far away from floating off into a euphoric state of bliss.

"I've dreamed of touching you like this," he said as his devilish tongue painted intricate patterns across my thighs. "I've heard your moans while I lay in bed every night since you've been gone. I've had the taste of your skin in my mouth every morning as I watched the sun rise. I've felt the pull of your hands in my hair as I imagined stroking every inch of you."

I moaned loudly at the picture he painted for me. As his lips came to my soaking center, I impulsively tried to force my legs together.

"Darlin', open up for me. Let me see and taste the secrets of your innocence. Let my eyes be the first to see this."

His slight southern accent bled through his words, intoxicating me, making me relax completely as his strong hands pushed apart my legs, baring my sex to his hungry gaze.

"Oh, god, Bella," he whispered.

Through heavily lidded eyes I peeked out at him just as his mouth pressed a kiss to where I was aching the most. Instinctively my hips rose to meet him again as his face pressed further into my most intimate place. I heard him inhale deeply before a growl erupted from his throat.

His tongue slid leisurely along my slit, causing me to give into his torturous ministrations.

"Jasper, please?" I begged him, not sure of what I wanted.

"I know, baby. I know," he rasped as his fingers slid apart the folds of my sex. "I'm going to taste you now."

I nodded incoherently as his lips pressed directly on the tiny bundle of nerves. I cried out, begging him with every plea I could think of.

My body burned and thrashed wildly as he massaged the flat of his tongue on my clit before sucking it greedily into his mouth.

"Oh, my God!" I screamed as my first climax of the night washed over me.

I saw lights flash behind my eyes as my body shuddered with abandon.

"My name is Jasper, although God will do," he murmured with a sinister grin before placing his mouth back over me, cleaning up the fluids that had leaked from my body while I rode out my orgasm. Only seconds later he started over again, back at the beginning, working me up into an overwhelming need once again.

"I can't handle any more. I can't..." I whimpered as my body started to coil again.

He moved his mouth from my center before I could finish crying out, his lips pressing into mine. He groaned loudly as I sucked his tongue into my mouth, tasting myself in his kiss.

"I love you," he said softly while deftly removing the rest of his clothing until he lay on top of me naked, his skin heated by the inferno of my body.

"Please," I asked him as tears welled in my eyes.

"I love you," Jasper said again as he prepared to slide into me.

I cried out as he pushed against me, breaking through the barrier of my innocence before he paused and looked down at me.

"I love you so much, Isabella," he cried, his words soothing and comforting as he pressed his lips to mine in a consuming kiss.

I wanted to tell him I loved him, that this was the most complete I had ever felt, but I couldn't. With that knowledge, tears streaked down my cheeks, sliding down my face to pool at the hollow of my neck.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you, baby," he whispered against my skin, still not moving inside me.

His fingers brushed at my tears as he repeated over and over again how much he loved me, how much he wanted to take my pain away.

"They aren't tears of pain," I mumbled as the slight pain of his intrusion lessened. It wasn't a complete lie because I felt pain, but only in my heart, and I would never let him know that.

I pulled my courage together and felt my hips instinctively thrust up to pull him deeper into me.

"Bella," he moaned softly.

I gave myself over to the power of his even, steady rhythm and allowed myself to fully let go and simply concentrate on his body within mine, his breath mixed with mine.

My hands slid down his back and gripped onto the taunt muscle of his ass while my tongue shot out to flick the rosy nipple on his chest. He growled at the sensation and instantly retaliated by pressing his lips to the sensitive skin at my neck and sucking eagerly while the force and speed of his thrusts picked up.

I lost all rational thought as my head cleared and lights began to flash before my eyes. Jasper slipped his hand between our joined bodies and rubbed my engorged nub of flesh. I came instantly, crying out his name wildly.

With a great roar he came just a moment later before stilling within me and pressing languorous kisses along my brow and cheek bones.

"I love you, Bella," he said sadly.

"I know." That was all I could give him.

"I know," he repeated.

I fell asleep minutes later to him stroking my hair, our bodies still joined together.

~~***~~

I cracked my eyes open as the first dull rays of daylight peeked through the curtains.

"Good morning," Jasper said as he got up from the chaise and pressed a lingering kiss on my lips.

"Good morning," I croaked back at him, jealous at his smooth demeanor even in the morning.

I raked my hand through my hair and felt the mess of tangles that had once been orderly curls down my back.

"Ugh," I groaned and put my palm up to my mouth and breathed. "This whole morning after sex look is not really working for me."

He sat down next to me, the bed dipping under his weight as he pulled my hand back from my face and smoothed down my wild hair.

"To me you're just as beautiful now as you were last night, as you are every day," he said fondly.

My heart constricted painfully in my chest as I smiled weakly at him.

"You must be hungry."

"I could eat," I mumbled quietly.

"Do you want me to order you room service or do you want me to go out and pick you up something," he asked, still winding his fingers through my curls, separating them so they weren't so tangled.

I choked back the lump in my throat. "I'm dying for a fruit breakfast."

He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment and I prayed he wouldn't be able to see through my thoughts. He finally sighed and nodded, pulling on his crumpled sweater over his jeans. "I'll head over to the fruit market and see what I can find. Why don't you jump in the shower?"

"That would be great," I said, pulling the sheet closer to my body to cover my bare skin.

"I love you, Bella. I hope you know that and will always remember."

He pressed his lips to mine fiercely before walking out the door.

I knew I didn't have long before he came back so I stood up quickly, wincing slightly at the slight throb between my legs. Without a thought, I dragged my body into a comfortable pair of yoga pants and a long sleeved Henley before rushing through brushing my teeth and hair.

I methodically placed all of the things I had accumulated during my stay here, clothes, souvenirs, pictures and postcards, into my suitcases. I stumbled back into the bathroom and grabbed all of my toiletries, throwing them into my carry-on bag as the first tear snaked its way from beneath my lashes.

With everything packed I pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. I wasn't sure what someone would say when they didn't really want to say goodbye. I didn't have any words of comfort I could offer him, no promises for a future between us, but I did have hope, even though it was a small one.

I wrote the only thing that wouldn't destroy everything, _I know and I remember._ I placed the short note in an envelope with his name scrawled across the front of it in my uneven cursive.

I took my bags into the foyer and sat them down by the door and waited for the porter to arrive.

His quick knock sounded at the door only a minute later. It was the same man, Louis, who had delivered the package from Alice yesterday. He seemed different today. His eyes were full of sadness and his body was slumped.

He took in my bags and shook his head slowly from side to side before placing them on the cart. I implored him with my eyes to not say anything, to not make this harder than it already was. He nodded his head before we stepped into the elevator.

I stopped at the front desk and thanked the staff on duty for their helpfulness and kindness during my stay.

As Louis held the front door open for me, I took one last look at the hotel and whispered a good bye, not to the walls, but to the man who would come back to find them empty.

I crawled into the taxi as Louis placed my bags into the trunk. His hand stilled briefly on the door as he turned and looked me right in the eye.

"_Vous ne pouvez pas courir du monde parce qu'il vous fera non bon. Il n'y a rien dehours pour vous s'il n'est pas a cote de vous. Vous savez ceci, pourtant vous le niez," _he said, his words unnaturally strong for the way tears were sliding slowly down his cheeks.

"I don't speak French," I reminded him.

"You can't run from the world because it will do you no good. There's nothing out there for you if he isn't beside you. You know this, yet you deny it," he translated softly for me. "One day you will see, my dear little one."

With those words he shut the door and the taxi sped off. I leaned back against the seat and gripped onto the door handle, forcing myself to stay put.

I knew I was running and I knew why. I loved Jasper, passionately, and too much to allow it to go any further. I knew he thought I would go to Edward, but that would be too much of a betrayal, to all of us, and I wouldn't do that. I was running because, like with Edward, I had fallen too hard, too quickly.

If anything, my time in Paris had taught me that I needed to live, that I needed to find out who I was.

Rose had said that sometimes you just have to do something to make yourself happy, and she was right. But, that didn't mean I had to destroy everyone around me in the process. I needed to step back and figure out the whys of it all. I needed to learn to be independent, to be Bella, before I completely gave myself over to another, even if that other person was Jasper.

I pulled out my wrinkled letter from Alice and opened it up again, my eyes lingering on the last paragraph and concentrating on it with all of my heart, hoping it was true.

…_There is white all around you. The trees are glistening and the wind is blowing lightly, causing your hair to fall in your eyes. I can see you smile, hear your laugh, and it's such a wonderful sound because he's next to you, pulling you into his arms and simply loving you. _

_Just like he was always meant to do._

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**There you go!!!! Please please, hit that little button down there at the bottom. Pretend it's Jasper's happy place and touch it. Tell us how you think the chapter went! Jasper is dying to find out!!**


	15. Chapter 15

**_Sorry for the delay. I was a bit....hmmm... confused on where to go. There were such mixed reviews that I had to go back and think things through again and with the family sick and a sprained ankle, it wasn't going so well. So, here you go and a MAJOR thanks to my beta, Catherine (dollybigmomma) for talking through things with me. You have the best opinions and I don't know what I would do without you! You rock! Also, there are banners up for almost all of my stories and I apologize for the shortness of this chapter, it is just one to work us up to Bella's new life. _**

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Saved

Chapter 15

"Do you know what's in this box, Bells?" I heard Charlie call from kitchen.

Thinking over the amount of boxes I had packed, I couldn't be sure. "What's it look like?" I called back, knowing the color of the tape would let me know which room it would go in.

"It's white with green tape."

"That goes in the living room," I said.

I looked around my new bedroom, living room, dining room combo and couldn't help the pride I felt in my chest. I had done so much growing up since I came back from France. After five years of college and living in crappy dorm rooms, I was finally on my own.

I walked to the window and amazed myself with the view. My apartment, well studio, was not out of this world, but it was in my price range and located conveniently in the heart of the Upper East Side. I picked my hand up and placed it to the window, my fingers stoking over the glass as my eyes took in the dusk that was descending over the city.

"I picked us up a pizza after I dropped the truck off. Are you hungry?" Charlie asked, sitting down at the light wood table I had purchased just last week from IKEA.

"Starved," I replied, my stomach finally making my hunger known with a loud rumble.

"I would say so," Charlie agreed, chuckling to himself happily.

"Well, we've been setting stuff up for the past eight hours," I shrugged and took a big bight out of the Alfredo pizza my dad had picked up.

Having built up several contacts while at Skidmore, I decided to make a go of it and move to the city. While living in Saratoga, I had attended college, but also worked at Confections, a trendy boutique. Ms. Lawson, my boss, had become my closest friend. It was her that persuaded me to try it out. This great studio was actually hers and she charged me practically no rent for it. Her late husband had purchased it before he died and it was left to her in the will. She agreed to rent it out to me under the conditions that I would start contacting her friends here and start up my business.

It was actually funny how I fell into it. After a few months at Dartmouth, I knew it wasn't for me, so I transferred to Skidmore and took up Classic and Education studies. It was at that time that I got my job at Confections and found my true passion, organization. I changed my major a year later and took the business course with a plan forming in my mind.

Rebecca, Ms. Lawson, encouraged me. She told her friends about my talents and I took on a few jobs, organizing a closet here and a kitchen there until word of mouth spread and I started taking on full projects. I loved it and when I graduated, I decided to go into business for myself.

"Well, I'm proud of you, kid," Charlie's words brought me out of my reverie. "You've worked hard, and now look at you," he said, starting to choke up. "You're out on your own, opening your own business. You're not my little girl anymore."

I rolled my eyes quickly at him before laughing. "I don't think I've really ever been a little girl, dad," I admitted with a smile. "I've been middle aged since I was five."

"You do have a point there, although, these past few years I've seen you grow into your own and finally act your age. It comforts me in my old age to know you're enjoying your life."

"You aren't old, dad, just a little... ancient."

"Yeah," he agreed before my words dawned on him. "Ancient?"

"Just kidding," I smirked when he winked at me. "When is your flight?"

Charlie had flown up to Albany to help me move. Secretly, I think the biggest reason he wanted to help was so he could drive a moving truck in the city. He did look pretty pleased as he weaved in and out of traffic. I guess the drivers training for the department in Forks came in handy.

"Tomorrow afternoon," he replied, taking a sip of his beer. "You know, Ben and Angela Cheney are living here now, too," he said nonchalantly.

"I did know that," I admitted. Charlie had mentioned it a few times over the years, but I always shrugged it off. I didn't really have any plans of seeing them or anyone else.

"Well, I talked to Angela's mother before I left...." he trailed off as his eyes wandered around my apartment.

"You didn't!" I exclaimed.

"I did," Charlie said proudly.

I had been trying for the past five years to forget my younger self. I didn't want to be associated with places from my youth and I definitely didn't want any reminders of my life as a teenager. It wasn't that I was ashamed of who I had been, but I had made mistakes and I certainly had my share of regrets, mainly the Cullens.

"I knew you wouldn't want to see them, but I think it's time you got around people who care about you."

"I am around people who care about me," I said bitterly, pursing my lips to the side. "There is you and Ms. Lawson. I don't need anyone else."

"Well, Rebecca and I think you do," he argued. "You've put everything and everyone behind you and I just don't understand why."

"Dad, I..." I started, but he interrupted me before I could give him my flimsy excuse.

"Ever since you came back from your trip after high school graduation, you've been different," Charlie said thoughtfully, finally setting aside his pizza and rubbing his shiny forehead. "What happened while you were away, Bella? Was it Edward? Are you still not over him?" he asked, trying to understand me better.

"It wasn't Edward."

My comment wasn't a complete lie, only a partial one, and it was my biggest regret. I had followed in Edward's footsteps. When he had left me, at least he had given me the courtesy of an excuse. He gave me a goodbye and I regretted, every day, that I didn't at least give that to Jasper.

It didn't dawn on me until a few months after I left him in Paris that I had done the same to him as Edward had pretty much done to me. I hated that I had been cruel and I hated my weakness. I had thought that with leaving, there would be less pain, but I now realized I had probably caused more pain than there would have been with me staying.

Yes, with my leaving I had learned a lot about myself over the past five years, but I didn't feel whole, and I knew the only way I would ever feel complete was to be with Jasper.

I knew I could call, make my apologies and move on, but I wasn't ready. I didn't have the courage it would take to fix what I had done and I suppose on some level I knew I didn't deserve forgiveness, especially Jasper and Edward's.

"Well, what was it?" Charlie pried, desperate to know what changed me so much.

"When I set out for my trip, I thought the best thing for me would be to get away, to be alone with my thoughts," I explained. "But, while I was gone, I realized I would never know who I was unless I started living my life."

"But why make such a drastic change?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing causing creases to form on his forehead.

"I guess I just wanted to find out who I could be away from everyone. I wanted to know who I could be without others thinking of me as your daughter or as the keeper of mom. I didn't want to be somewhere that others could ask me about Edward or the rest of the family," I motioned with my hands over my face, unsure if anything I was saying made sense. "I just wanted to be Bella."

I watched Charlie sit there for a while. His fingernails scraped the Michelob label off the beer bottle.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interfere with your life," he said after a few minutes, referring to the plans he had made for me to meet with Angela and Ben. "We arranged for you to have lunch with them the day after tomorrow."

Resigning myself to the date, even though it was against my better judgment, I quickly nodded at my dad. "Where and what time?"

"You won't regret this. I know Angela is very excited to see you," he beamed at me. "Plus, maybe Ben will know of some nice guys to set you up with," he hinted.

I rolled my eyes at his pathetic attempt at matchmaking and then laughed.

There had been a few dates I had gone on while in college, but it never worked out because I knew they weren't the one for me. Only Jasper could be that person. The guys I had meet had been nice enough and had helped relieve the boredom and made me finally feel like a normal person, but the realization always dawned on me that I wasn't normal and the only men I had ever taken a real fancy to were vampires.

"Yeah, I don't think so," I drawled, shaking my head slowly from side to side. "I can only imagine the kinds of guys Ben is friends with, and I'm sorry, dad, but I'm just not the kind of girl that likes martial arts movies."

"It might not be a bad thing. You haven't really made time in your life for relationships, maybe it's time," he suggested nicely as he picked up another slice.

"I don't think so, dad. Me and relationships, we kind of go as well as oil and water. We just don't mesh." I noticed him nod in agreement. Charlie hadn't exactly been a Casanova himself since he and my mother divorced. "Besides, I want to concentrate on building my business right now."

My father couldn't exactly argue with me on the topic of making a name for myself.

"Alright, kid, I'll leave off on that topic," he said, chucking me under the chin with his fist.

"So, are you staying here tonight or going back to the hotel?" I asked as I picked up the now empty pizza box and took it into the kitchen to dump it in the trash.

"The hotel, unless you want me to stay here with you for your first night?"

His gesture was sweet and it tugged at my heart. Charlie had never exactly been a father in the traditional ways, but I knew he loved me and this was just one of his ways of showing me.

"It's up to you, the couch is a pull out and the bed is ready."

Somehow, Rebecca had gotten lucky with the studio. There was a small loft accessible from stairs in the living room. It was small, but big enough to hold a queen sized bed. It was still considered a studio since the bedroom was technically in the living and dining room, but it afforded her a bit more privacy.

I followed Charlie's eyes as they first raked over the tiny couch and then to the small loft.

"I think maybe the hotel for tonight," he said sheepishly. I walked him to the door and helped him put his jacket on.

"I'm proud of you, kid," Charlie mumbled as he pulled me into a tight hug. "You've done well for yourself."

I smiled up at him and returned his embrace. "Thanks, Charlie, for everything."

"I'm your dad, that's what I'm here for."

"I know," I whispered softly. "I'm going to see you off to the airport tomorrow. Is that ok?"

My dad looked at me and chuckled, his brown eyes mirroring the same color as mine. "Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

I shut the door softly behind him and walked through my apartment, my hands touching every surface they could.

It was something I had picked up along with my organizational obsession. I liked to feel different textures and know exactly what it was just by touch. My therapist, if I had one, would probably say that all of my quirks were due to my need to be in control.

I climbed up the steps, slowly, to the small loft and traded out my jeans and sweatshirt for flannel pants and a tank top. Feeling a wave of nostalgia that had been brought about by my father, I reached into the small nightstand drawer and pulled out a heavily wrinkled slip of paper.

Opening it gingerly, I took a deep breath before letting my eyes search the page before finding the spot I loved most, the only thing that had kept me sane these past five years; Alice's vision.

I fought back the tightness in my throat and the searing pain in my chest as I read, my heart hoping everyday for the past five years that her words had been true, that the vision hadn't changed too much, that there was still a possibility for Jasper and I.

My eyes closed as sleep overcame me and with it the dreams that I clung to.


	16. Chapter 16

Thank you, as always to my beta, Catherine (DollyBigMomma). You're my glue.

Disclaimer: I make no profit in any way from the authoring of this fan fiction. All characters and creative rights belong to Stephenie Meyer.

_I've learned the meaning of the sun._

Chapter 16

I pressed my fingertips to my temples and tried to push out the migraine I could feel forming. I looked at the woman seated across from me and silently cursed Rebecca for flapping her mouth about me to her son's wife, Charlotte Lawson. Everything about her annoyed me, but most especially, her voice. It was high and sharp, like metal dragging across a chalkboard.

"I just don't see why we can't have that extra set of racks in the closet," she said, bringing up the issue that we had been going back and forth on for the past month.

"This is New York City, Charlotte. Your penthouse, as big as it is, just doesn't have the extra room for it," I replied, trying my best to keep my voice steady and not show my aggravation.

"Can't you just knock out a wall or something?" she whined.

"We've been over this before. David doesn't want to change any of the walls." Personally, I didn't know how Rebecca's son, David, had married this airhead. Sure, she was pretty but the girl didn't have any actual thoughts in her head. I suppose it was her young age and great implants that attracted David to her. He was a hot shot attorney and it looked good for him to have Charlotte on his arm.

"The only solution is to remove the wine cooler that you wanted. It's the only spot left," I continued and won the fight with myself to control the urge to roll my eyes.

"All this money my husband is paying you and you can't do one little thing," Charlotte huffed as her cell phone chirped shrilly on the table. "Ugh, hold on."

I took a deep breath to calm myself and pulled out the plans I had drawn up for her designer closet. It was a big job and the folder alone felt like it weighed twenty pounds. I think that it was almost cracking the leather on the handles of my Mulberry, Piccadilly bag. Poor bag, not three months old and it looked like it was going to die a short death, thanks to Charlotte.

Business was going good for me; actually, it was better than I could have ever dreamed. I was booked solid for the next year and had made enough dough to hire myself an assistant. I planned to open an office within the next few months and possibly hire another designer. The city had been good to me and now thinking back on the past six months, I knew I had made the right decision to come.

Charlotte rolled her eyes at whatever was being said on the phone. "Fine, just come over now," she replied nastily to whoever was on the other end and quickly hung up, slamming her phone down angrily. "People these days," she remarked.

"Don't you hate that?" I said sarcastically, but she was obviously a few cookies short of a dozen.

"I know. Stupid stylist thinks she knows better than me." Charlotte rolled her eyes before getting back to the topic at hand. "Pull the wine cooler; I need that space for shoes. If David wants a cooler, he can put it in his office."

I smiled at her, surprised she had finally given up, but thankful that it was done. "So, David and I were talking about the kitchen..." I watched as her eyes seemed to glaze over while I talked. The kitchen was her least favorite room. "He told me the decorator was going for a Tuscan theme. I was browsing the other day and found these-"

The doorbell ringing cut me off.

"My stylist is here," she said getting up, not bothering to apologize for her rudeness. "It'll only take a minute and then we can get back to it, 'kay?"

I watched as she jumped out of her chair and ran to the door to open it. While she was detained, I reached into my bag and pulled out a couple of aspirin and chugged them down with a bottle of Fiji I had stowed. I prayed they would start to work before my next appointment at three. After that I was watching Angela and Ben's daughter, Grace.

"Red makes me look so pale," I heard Charlotte's voice screech from the foyer. "I've told you that how many times?"

I smiled, thinking of Rosalie and her love of all things red. Chuckling to myself I remembered that Rose was as pale as pale could be and red didn't look bad on her, so Charlotte shouldn't have a problem with the fake tan she had going on.

I heard the door close firmly and pulled myself together as Charlotte came back in the room. "Red!" she exclaimed. "Can you believe it?"

"It's a shock," I replied, my wicked juices bubbling up in my chest. "So, about the kitchen..."

"Why don't you go over it with David? I'm feeling a slight headache coming on and we have that play to go to. You wouldn't mind heading out, would you?"

My brain did a mental punch the air and I smiled brilliantly for her. "Of course not, Charlotte. You're looking awfully flushed, by the way." I watched her put a hand to her face and her eyes grow big. "You should probably lie down and take some Tylenol."

I placed my notes back into my folder and grinned at her obvious distress. Silly girl.

"You're probably right." she said, inching back towards her bedroom.

"I'll let myself out." I smirked and put my hand on the knob. Turning to look at her, I couldn't resist. "You know, I'm not a doctor, but your tiredness, headache and upset stomach could be symptoms of pregnancy."

Charlotte's face blanched and I beamed at her as I walked out the door. "Bye, Charlotte," I said cheerily as the door closed behind me.

"Thanks again, Bella. It's been so difficult with this new sitter," Angela said, holding their newborn daughter, Grace, in her arms. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate you keeping an eye on her tonight. Ben and I have been dying for a night out."

I lifted the dark haired Grace out of her mother's arms and kissed her chubby cheeks as I sat down on Angela's bed. "It's no problem. I didn't have anything else going on and when you called me, I couldn't refuse the company of this little princess," I replied smiling at the baby in my arms.

I watched Angela fluff her hair in the vanity mirror and slide her lipstick over her lips. When Charlie had set up for us to meet, I had been angry. But, Angela was still the same girl she had always been. The topics of the Cullen's and Forks never came up. She and Ben were only interested in how I had been since then. They never passed judgment and were always available if I wanted company.

"Well, we do appreciate it," she repeated.

I heard the front door close and the familiar sound of Ben's footsteps on the hardwood floors. "Angie?" he called, looking for his wife.

"Yeah, Ben, we're in here," she yelled.

Seconds later the tall, lanky frame of Ben Cheney stood in the door frame of their room.

"Hey, Bella," he said, walking over to ruffle his daughters hair. "You sure you're up for this tonight?" he asked, his left eyebrow shooting in the air to emphasize his question.

I laughed softly. He asked the same question every time I watched Grace. Their new sitter was sometimes unreliable so I offered to take over on the nights she bailed.

"Of course I am," I shot back saucily. "Although, you might have to watch your back. One night I might just have enough of your teasing and just take her myself," I joked.

He chuckled and disappeared into their closet.

"So, where to tonight?" I asked Angela, who was packing a small clutch bag.

"Artist's benefit at Pier 92," Ben answered from inside the closet, causing Angela to roll her eyes as she mouthed 'MEN' to me silently.

I chuckled with her and quickly agreed.

Ben had taken his love of martial arts and his natural artistic ability and combined them successfully into his own comic book series. He did all the drawings and story lines himself. Like me, you could tell he loved his job because when he spoke of it, he was animated and lively, almost making you want to read it and be a part of it yourself. Somehow, and I wasn't sure how, but I managed to not break down and read it. However, I did send copies to Charlie, who secretly had a love of both comics and martial arts. I supposed it was just a guy thing.

Ten minutes later they were ready to leave. Angela feeling the need to show me where everything was for the fiftieth time I had been in their apartment had me rolling my eyes.

"I got it already, Ang," I said, ushering her to the door. After a quick hug they were out the door, leaving me with Grace who had fallen fast asleep in my arms.

"I guess you're ready for bed, huh, Grace?" I murmured softly as I walked into the nursery and placed her in her crib, pulling up the soft pink baby blanket I had bought for her right after she was born. I turned on the mobile and ghosted my hand over her downy hair, my heart lightening at her contented sigh. I grabbed the baby monitor and pulled the door almost closed, leaving a slight crack of light to fall softly over the room.

Sitting down and making myself comfortable on the leather sofa, I pulled out my phone and my notes so I could call my assistant, Lana, and update her on the progress of the meetings today. She answered right away and let me know that a few deliveries had come in and were waiting for me at the warehouse.

Thanking her and wishing her a good weekend, I ended the call and curled up on the sofa to watch a Project Runway marathon until Angela and Ben came home.

What the hell? I thought, waking up to bright light blinding me as I tried to open my eyes.

"Morning, sunshine," Angela called sweetly from the kitchen.

I maneuvered my stiff body into a sitting position on the couch and peeped my head over the back to see my friend standing at the stove, a spatula in her hand, stirring what I assumed were eggs.

"What time did you guys get in?" I asked, my voice rough and dry.

"Too late to wake you up and send you home," she joked.

I narrowed my eyes at her, pinning her down with a glare that told her I didn't appreciate being talked to like a high school babysitter.

"I know, I know," she called, opening the fridge to grab out the OJ. I got up and ran a hand through my hair, my fingers getting stuck on the tangled curls.

I grabbed the glass out of her hand and jumped up onto the counter, sitting Indian style next to the sink.

"Where's Ben?" I looked around, not hearing his silly laugh or Grace's early morning cries.

"They ran down to get coffee," she shrugged.

I groaned, already wanting to taste a vanilla latte sliding down my throat. "Please tell me one of those cups will be for me when he gets back?" I pleaded, looking at her with hope.

"I'm sure they will be. Ben knows he can't come home without a cup for you," Angela laughed as she moved the eggs from the pan to a bowl.

To help her out, I grabbed down plates and a couple of forks. "Is Ben eating with us?" I asked, unsure if I should grab more.

"No. He's just dropping off coffee and then he and Grace are headed down to a 'Daddy and Me' class over on East 38th," she smiled deviously.

"Ahh...I see," I exaggerated, copying the same grin and deceptive eye glance. "Girls day?" I asked slyly.

"You know it," she laughed back as she put a forkful of eggs into her mouth. "I tell you Bells. You should really take this cooking class I'm doing. I've never made eggs this good before."

I rolled my eyes. Angela didn't know a whisk from a spatula until she took the class. I, unlike her, had pretty much been born cooking. My mother was a disaster in the kitchen and Charlie, well... I did get my clumsiness from him. I simply preferred to not cook. There were too many bad memories and the mundane task freed up my mind too much and that allowed me to reflect on things I would rather push away.

"Sorry, Ang. As much as I would like to take the class, it's during the day, and with my schedule now," I paused, feeling guilty, "I'm just too busy."

"I know," she said, placing her hand over mine. I sometimes thought that she knew me better than I knew myself. As much as I liked to deny the things I had done, Angela just had a way of knowing. I accepted her small comfort as she looked at me tenderly. "So, the three B's?" she asked, lightening the mood around us with ease.

Barney's, Bloomingdale's and Bergdorf. My favorite shops. I still didn't particularly care for shopping, but I did find that I enjoyed buying something nice for myself on occasion.

"Absolutely," I quickly agreed.

After Ben came back we slipped out the door and made our way to my studio where I could grab a quick change of clothes and some fresh makeup. When I came out of the bathroom, I saw that Angela was seated at my kitchen table. My brow furrowed as I observed her. She was simply sitting there with a confused look on her face.

"Ang?" I asked, putting my hand on her should so as not to startle her. It didn't work because she jumped and quickly slid a piece of paper under her hand. "What was that?" I asked, narrowing my eyes on the slip of paper.

"Nothing," she said harshly.

"It obviously wasn't nothing, so what was it?" I was getting annoyed. I had a feeling I knew what was written on that paper. In my haste yesterday to get to their house, I had forgotten to put it away. I had even left my coffee cup on the table.

"I've always accepted that there were things you didn't want to tell me, Bella." Her voice sounded pained, finally realizing that I had kept too much from her. "I've never asked because I didn't want to invade your privacy. I figured eventually, you might come to me, maybe open up a bit, unburden yourself a little bit."

She slid the familiar note Alice had given me years ago across the table. I recognized every crease, every wrinkle. I knew the words by heart and I knew where every tear had stained the ink. I didn't know what to say as she laid it out in front of me and grabbed my hand to drag me into a chair next to her.

"So, let's talk," Angela said softly, begging me with her eyes to tell my secrets, to lay it all out.

"I fell in love," I whispered, the weight on my shoulders feeling heavier than ever.

"With Edward?" I shook my head no and understanding came over her features.

"Why did you leave?" she asked, reading over the note once again. I was thankful there were no vampire references in the letter that would give away the Cullen's secret.

"How did you know?"

"It wasn't hard to figure out." She smiled at me, folding the letter up and placing it in the center of the table. "I knew your behavior wouldn't have lasted this long if it had been because of Edward, so I knew it had to be someone else. I knew you would have been the one to do the leaving because you wouldn't have been able to handle it if it happened again."

"I had to," I replied. "I was afraid of what could happen. You know how I was with Edward and I couldn't just let myself be that way again."

"You mean, the instant _I love you_ stuff?"

"Yeah."

"Bella, who was it? Who did you fall for?" she questioned me, her voice caring as I answered her, saying a name that hadn't left my lips in years.

"Jasper."

When I arrived home from shopping, I collapsed onto my sofa. The day had been a trying one for me. Waking up in a different place was bad enough for my iron clad control, but all the talking and letting it out had completely broken the peace I had worked so hard to build in my mind. Looking around my apartment, I realized that peace had come at a high price and wasn't what I really had after all. I finally knew what I wanted. It was time.

I called Lana and had her put off my on site appointments for the next two weeks. I would video conference the rest and if it came down to it, Lana was more than capable of handling any problems that could come up.

"I'm sorry to make you do extra work on the weekends," I said into the phone, feeling slightly guilty.

"It's no big deal," she answered back cheerily. "All I had planned was a Ryan Reynolds movie fest and a huge tub of Phish Food, so I don't mind. Besides, it's only a few phone calls. Nothing I can't handle, boss lady."

"Thank you, Lana."

"Hey, no big." I asked her to book my flight and waited for her to call me back. "I got you on the 11:45 out of JFK," she said as soon as I answered the phone. "All you have to do is pack a bag and relax."

I thanked her again and quickly hung up. I went up the steps to the loft and grabbed my suitcase and methodically packed my stuff. Gone were the days of throwing stuff in. Now it was organized and color coordinated. I ended up traveling with more, but it helped me a bit with my control issues.

Looking at the clock, I realized I would have a spare bit of time, so I stepped into the shower and allowed the hot water to ease the strain in my muscles. By the time I got out, I was feeling more in control over myself. I slid into the black pants and white cashmere wrap sweater I had just bought with Angela.

The thought reminded me that I should let her know where I was going. I grabbed my Blackberry off the bed and texted her, knowing she would either get it and respond immediately, or she would get it in the morning. At least she wouldn't have to worry.

I slipped into my shoes and grabbed my bag and suitcase. As I closed the door, my gaze lingered on the note. I resisted the urge to take it with me and smiled as I shut the door.

Checking in and making it through security was a blur to me, even though I was actually thinking clearer than I had in years. I grabbed my purse and scarf automatically from the bin and made my way over to the gate, grabbing a bottle of water as I sat to wait.

It seemed that luck was on my side because they started boarding early and I thanked Lana secretly for my first class ticket. With everyone on the plane the pilot's voice came over the intercom and I smiled at the near empty plane around me.

With takeoff coming, I slid the cover up off the window so I could look out. As the plane gained altitude and I looked over the city, I smiled when the captain gave us the arrival time at SeaTac. This day was a long time in coming, but I was ready now.

I finally knew who I was.

I was Bella Swan, daughter of Charlie Swan and Renee Dwyer. I was still shy, but I had learned to have confidence. I owned a successful business and had a couple of really good friends. I had my bad days, but I also had good ones. There were nights I couldn't sleep and days when I wanted to sit in the park, slipping off my Louboutins to sink my toes into the rich grass in Central Park. I watched life happen around me and sometimes I joined in with a smile on my face. I had known the joy of chubby babies and I remembered the pain of a broken heart. But, I knew who I was.

I was Bella Swan and I was in love. I wouldn't hide from it any longer.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I make no profit in any form from the authoring of this fan fiction. All characters, events, and places are property of the original author, Stephenie Meyer. I simply play in the world she has provided for us.

As always, thank-you, to my wonderful beta, Catherine (dollybigmomma). I can't express how much I appreciate all her help and encouragement with my stories. Also, please check out a blog post done about me over at Altered Lambs and Sacrificial Lions. I am honored and humbled to have read the post from IDreamOfEddie. Thank you so much! And now, I give you.... _**Edward.**_

Saved

_It would always be that way for me, too. I would always love this fragile human girl, for the rest of my limitless existence. -Edward Cullen, Midnight Sun_

Chapter 17

I heard her before she even had to say a word. Her thoughts, her many erratic, confusing thoughts, spoke louder than any words she could ever say. They were a mixture of events uncertain, old regrets, a broken heart, but most importantly was her hope for the future.

I pulled myself up off the wrinkled bed and made my way to the door, opening it slightly to see her beaming face.

She didn't wait for the welcome invitation. No, Alice simply pushed the door open and danced over to my rumpled bed, her body doing an intricate set of movements until she finally sat down on the ebony duvet, legs tucked underneath her and a smile on her face.

I tried to bring myself up to her level of cheerfulness, but couldn't muster the happiness. It was gone. All my joy, all the pleasure had vacated my cold body since _she_ had been gone. I couldn't blame her. The way I had left her all those years ago was wrong. I knew it then, I knew it now. As much as I wish I could, I couldn't go back and change the events that brought us here.

"Today's the day," Alice's singsong voice called from the bed.

I scanned her thoughts, but only came up with a blur of thoughts, nothing concise or clear. My abilities had seemed to falter since she left for Paris, and her eventual complete leaving. I could still read thoughts; they just seemed to have a sort of white noise to the edges of them.

"What do you mean?" I asked, flopping myself into a chair. No longer did I use the manners that had been bred into me from birth and then Esme's fine mothering. If I wanted to sit, I sat. If I wanted to ignore someone, I did. I kept away from polite conversation because I was sure I didn't have anything to say.

"It's the change, the moment we've all been waiting for," she said mysteriously. And for once, for the first time ever, I simply wanted to walk over to Alice and bang her hard head around, just a little bit. It wouldn't hurt her; just simply put her in order a bit.

"I really have no clue what you're referring to," I drawled in a somewhat lazy voice. I guess part of me didn't care. I was content enough to sit in my room and live in the memory of her.

"I think somewhere along the line, Edward, you've lost your mind," Alice mumbled, but with sensitive hearing, I heard it quite clearly, even rolling my eyes at her afterwards.

"Well, that tends to happen when the love of my life, well, existence, leaves me for good with romantic intentions towards my brother," I said dryly.

They all thought I didn't know, that they could keep something so vital from me, but they were wrong. I had known all along. It wasn't the big things that triggered the alarm in my mind. It was the small movements that Bella and Jasper had made towards one another. It was the slight brush of his arm along hers, the quickening heart rate that leapt from her chest when he was near. It was the way they looked at each other that had given it away. Bella had looked at Jasper like she had once looked at me. Then I knew, and then I gave up. I just wanted to see her again. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that I was sorry.

Seeing the hurt look on Alice's face and the guilty thoughts in her mind, I softened my tone and gave her a light grin. "It's fine, Alice. I've just needed to accept how it is."

"You've been near dead for five years, Edward," Alice said bluntly as she picked at a loose thread on her black pants. "You don't feed, you don't play music, you don't.... I don't know, live?"

"I know," I admitted quickly, because what was the point in arguing? "I know how it will end and it's simply taken a bit of time to say goodbye to what I thought would be my future."

"I can understand that," she murmured. "Come sit with me, Edward. I want to talk to you."

She patted a spot next to her and I pulled my weary body over towards her, sitting where she had indicated.

"This future has always been set and now it's time for it to happen." Her amber eyes had taken on that far away look and I knew that she was seeing, probably remembering her visions from before. "It's time for you to set things right, for you to give Bella her future back."

My dead heart clenched as I realized what I would have to do. I would have to tell her goodbye. I would have to give up our past so that she could have her future, with him.

"I know you don't see everything, but what do you see for me?" I asked quietly, voicing aloud the thoughts that had been haunting me for years. What would I be, without her?

Alice looked at me, her eyes softening and her smile illuminating her pixie-like face. "You won't be alone, Edward. I can promise you that. The heartache will end when you see what you have. Your future will be brighter than anything you could have dreamed," she finished cryptically, leaving me to wonder what it was about, but having no choice but to trust in her.

She left a few minutes later, giving me the details I would need and a little push on what I should say in case words didn't come to mind at that moment. As she had opened the door, she had turned to me and given me just an extra nudge of confidence. "It will work out, Edward, I promise," she had said before shutting the door.

As I packed a small bag and grabbed the keys to the old house, Alice's scent of vanilla and peach lingered in my room. Feeling hope, I made my bed and finally lay to rest some of my regret.

~*~

I sat in the driveway and looked up at the white Victorian that graced the landscape. I had expected it to change, but it was still the same house that it had always been, it just held new memories. Out of all the houses we had lived in, this was my favorite. It wasn't only the wide open spaces and the freedom to not hide; it was her lingering presence that permeated the walls. It was the same for the rest of my family.

This was home.

I shut off the engine and grabbed my bag from the passenger seat of the Volvo, taking it with me to the door. As I slid the key into the lock and heard it release, I let out a deep sigh. I was ready, and surprisingly, I was okay with it.

I walked into the foyer and was blasted with the memories the house held. From my spot by the door, I could see the formal dining room, decorated in Esme's signature light and airy décor. To the left of me I could see the living room with my piano covered with a white sheet in the corner. I could almost hear the melody that I had created solely for her. The notes rushed over me with their sweet, tormenting sounds.

My heart and chest constricted painfully, but I succeeded in pushing it away. As selfish as I knew I could be, I loved her more and resolved to do right by her, where I had only done wrong before.

I pushed open the widows to let the fresh air come in and banish the slight musty scent that lingered in the air from our five year absence. As the light filtered in, I felt the pressure inside me lighten considerably.

After basking in the pure light for a few minutes I proceeded to pull the linens off of the furniture and clean up the accumulated dust. I knew I didn't have long, so I finished the chore as quickly as was possible and finished with a light spray of Febreze. It was a clean cotton smell that I knew would only be enhanced by her scent when she finally showed up.

With everything done, I moved to the last piece, my piano, and pulled the cover off of it, revealing its gleaming surface. I sat down on the smooth bench and slid up the key cover. I could smell the cleaning treatment of beeswax Esme had used on the instrument to keep its shine; I could smell the aged wood, even the ivory of the keys.

The notes I remembered earlier found their way to my fingers and a second later, the familiar song was flowing out of me, onto the keys for the last time.

"It's beautiful."

I closed my eyes tightly as her voice washed over me, knowing that future moments like these would be few and far between.

"It's you," I responded quietly, not trusting myself yet to turn and look at her face. "This is what I hear when you're near. If you were music, Bella, this would be it. The high notes are your laughter; the low ones are your tears. This melody is your life."

I heard her shaky intake of breath as I continued to play. The lullaby wound around us, weaving a spell between the two of us. She sat down next to me on the bench and I could see the tears falling slowly down her smooth cheeks. I couldn't read her mind, but I knew her well enough to know why she wept. Each tear was for the past, what would have been the future and all of our memories in between. If I had the ability to cry, I probably would have joined her, so poignant and alive was the reflection of the brief life we had lived together.

As she brushed a tissue under her eyes, cleaning up the smeared mascara and pushed her hair back from her face, the notes faded out slowly until they were locked into the past, where they would remain.

"Hello, Bella," I said, turning to finally look at her angelic face. There were tear stains on her cheeks and her nose was a bit red from her crying, but she was still beautiful. She still took my breath away.

"Hello, Edward," she replied softly, her eyes crinkling slightly at the corners as she spoke.

I drank in her face and noticed the slight changes that were there. Her face had slimmed down, allowing her more womanly features to slip through. Her cheekbones were set high, covered with a light pink blush. Her lips were fuller and tinted slightly with gloss. They were parted and I could see her beautiful, even teeth peeking out from her smile. Her eyebrows were arched finely, shaping her face and completing the heart shaped picture that I had loved for so long. As my eyes roamed her face, I noticed that one thing hadn't changed. Her almond shaped eyes were still the same. The rich chocolate still shone with her vitality, her sparkle, her life.

"I'm not a teenager anymore," she laughed, smoothing her fingers over the non-existent lines.

"No," I agreed happily, "you're not."

"So," she said, getting up from the bench and moving around the room, touching various trinkets that had been left behind in our haste to leave all those years before after her disaster of a birthday. "What are you doing here?"

"Alice sent me," I shrugged, not quite ready to tell her goodbye. I wanted to be in her presence alone, for just a bit longer.

"Really?" she asked, her bright eyes lighting up her face the way they used to when she was just a few years younger.

"Yeah. She seemed to think now was as good of a time as any to lay the past to rest. Somehow she convinced me to come, not like I wouldn't have come the moment you asked me, too," I joked with her, pleased to see the gentle smile that graced her lips as she looked at me.

"It's been a long time," she reminisced before sitting on one of the now dust free sofas.

"It has been," I agreed. "But, there's a lot to look forward to," I quickly reassured her as I noticed her shoulders sink.

"I thought it would change," she said softly. "I was so sure my actions would have changed everything. That what I had wanted would be out of reach."

I sank down next to her and pulled her hand into mine, luxuriating in the feel of her soft, warm skin in contact with mine. "Not everything Alice sees is right. We've always known that the future can be changed, but some things are certain." I choked back the lump in my throat before continuing. "You and Jasper, that's a for sure thing, Bella."

I watched the girl, no, woman, before me compose herself. She had really done the things I had hoped for her. She had lived, experienced what it was like to be young and to explore. And that was when it hit me, the issue that I had always been at war with. Changing Bella wouldn't have taken away her life; it would have only added a new chapter. For so long, I had lived with the belief that what I was, that my very existence, was wrong. But I knew now that Bella could never be wrong. She would always be pure, the mold that God used to cancel out all the evil before. Her soul was beautiful and would always remain so, regardless of the beat of her heart. I now understood.

"Edward?" she asked softly, waking me up to the present. "Where did you go?"

"Nowhere," I said to her. "Some things just take a little longer to sink in."

She looked at me like I had sprouted an extra head, but quickly shook her head and laughed deep from her chest, filling the house with her own unique brand of magic.

"He still loves you," I said, finally admitting to her the one thing that could take away any pain she had. "He misses you and thinks of you, everyday."

I watched as she lowered her eyes, a frown crossing her face. "You don't have to lie," she whispered.

"I'm not. Your face has been at the front of his thoughts every day. He thinks of you at all moments of the day. He'll see something and light up, your smile playing before his eyes." I paused for a moment, controlling myself. "He thinks of you as often, I'm sure, as you think of him."

She beamed up at me. "I was certain I had ruined everything, that he would hate me after I left."

I inwardly cringed because when Jasper had returned from Paris, his defenses had been down and I had heard it all. I knew that they had been intimate, and that to Jasper, it had been the most profound moment of his life. He had been devastated at her leaving, but he also carried with him the thoughts of why she had gone. He had understood and accepted the things that I had never been able to do. Jasper understood Bella. He knew her inside and out. There weren't pieces of her that were a mystery to him, like they had been to me. She had been sure enough of him, of them, to never hide.

"I don't think he could ever have it in him to hate you," I replied."It was fate, Bella, and the rest of us stood in the way for too long. That's done now."

"What do you mean?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at me and pursing her lips to the side.

I shook my head. "That isn't my story to tell, and it's in the past, Bella. Bringing it up will only cause you more harm. Leave the past where it's at, where it doesn't have the power to hurt you any longer."

Understanding flickered on her face and she fell silent. I waited for a moment and breathed her in one more time. After this, she wouldn't belong to me anymore and I wanted this last bit.

"I love you, Bella."

I wanted to clamp my hand over my mouth as the outburst came out. That wasn't what I had meant to say, but I was glad to have it out there.

"Edward, I..." she started, only to have me stop her by holding up my hand.

"I love you, Bella," I began again. "I've loved you from almost the moment I learned your name. I loved your scent, your laughter, your selflessness, even your clumsiness. I also know, without a doubt, that you loved me, too." Her face softened as I said this, resembling the angel I knew her to be. "But, our time has passed. I hurt you and I won't forgive myself for that. But, you have a chance. A chance that I couldn't give you. Your future is waiting for you. All you have to do is reach out your hand and take it."

Bella grinned at me and I released the pain I had held onto for so long.

"You know, Edward. I think I'll do just that."

~*~

'So, how did it go?" Alice's voice sounded through the phone.

"It was good. I did what I came to do," I said, resigned and knowing that I couldn't go back.

"I knew you'd be able to do it," she replied and I could almost see her smile even though she was thousands of miles away from me.

"I guess. It was hard, but not as bad as I thought it would be."

"Well, when you know it's right, it isn't as difficult as it seems," she said in her all knowing kind of way.

"How are you holding up?" I wasn't sure how she was going to take this. Jasper and she had split before Jasper had gone to Paris. It hadn't been an easy road, but she had seemed to traverse it just fine. She had her good days, but there were some bad ones in between.

"I'm doing remarkably okay. It's hard, knowing he really won't be mine, but it's for the best." She paused before continuing, "I've done enough to keep them apart and I'll have to live with that, but I'm glad to have the ability to fix things. Plus, it doesn't exactly hurt to know what my future looks like."

"I'm here for you, Alice. Just say the word," I reminded her, really wishing she was by my side so I could offer her comfort.

"I know, and I appreciate that," she thanked me.

"Did you tell him?" I asked, referring to Jasper and the recent developments.

"Yes. He should be there tomorrow," she chuckled and it caught through the line, transferring to me. "He's ecstatic. Still a bit hurt over what happened, but ready to move past it with her."

"That's good. Bella was shocked with the news that he still cared." I shook my head and rolled my eyes at her ill beliefs. How she could ever think that anyone's love for her could change, I didn't know.

"She's always been that way. Hopefully Jasper can change her mind on those things." We were silent for a moment, the only sound in the house was Bella's soft breathing from down the hall in Carlisle and Esme's old room. "It's all going to work out, Edward. I promise."

Somehow I felt reassured with her easy knowledge of the future. When the line clicked dead, I leaned back against the solid wood beams of the wraparound porch, letting the sights and sounds of the night wash over and relax me. I had done it. It hadn't been easy and my heart still ached from the bruising I gave it today in letting her go, but I had succeeded. I said goodbye, I told her I loved her and I gave her the hope she would need to continue.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. For the first time in years, I was free of the past. I heard her content breathing from inside the house and smiled.

I was free, and finally, so was she.

I will be chained to my computer for the next week, attempting to finish this story. With one in the works that I am really looking forward to, I am trying to finish out the rest of my Twilight stories. The order is as follows; Saved, Second Chances and then Revealing Eternity. I will also be editing The Passage of Time within the next month. Thank you all again for sticking with me and giving the story a chance to grow to what it has become today. I'm honored and touched (hopefully later by Daddy Cullen.) LOL


	18. Chapter 18

I apologize for the lateness in the update. Real life gets in the way more often than I would like. So, here we go, the second to last chapter! Enjoy and please review! Again, sorry for the lateness!

* * *

Chapter 18

_I love thee with a love that shall not die, till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old. _

_~ William Shakespeare_

It seemed funny to me how things always seem to work out, how the intricacies of your life fall away and return full circle. I guess it shouldn't have surprised me and I suppose in a way that I wasn't. I knew I would see him soon, I knew that he would still love me and I knew, somehow, that everything was going to be ok. I don't know how I knew, but I did.

Waking up in Esme and Carlisle's bed was just something that I accepted, although I knew that over the past few days I had been waking up in strange places far too often, but one thing was the same. Waking up at Angela's, I was safe. It was the same here at the Cullen house. It could just be something I never really took the time to realize before. There were people who loved me and I could trust them with my heart. I knew that now.

I pushed the covers away and wiped the hair out of my face, having to pull a little bit due to the long layers that had stuck to the lip gloss I had forgotten to take off the night before, following the long conversations that Edward and I had. I was happy that we had moved beyond the past and I was positive that there was still a future for us together. Of course it wouldn't be the one I had planned on long ago, nor would it be the one that he had hoped for over the past few years, but it would suit us perfectly. The great love between us would never diminish, never fade. It would simply transform into a friendship that would always be there.

A quick succession of rasping knuckles at the door woke me up the rest of the way and I pulled the covers up to my chin. Not that I was indecent, I just didn't think it would do good for Edward to see me in my tank top and shorts, while the rest of my clothes were piled on the floor next to me. Call me old fashioned, but I couldn't see the need to make things worse for him, no matter how comfortable I would be in our friendship.

His crazy auburn head peeked in first before the rest of his body followed him in through the door, a tray was balanced on one hand. He had an easy smile on his lips, one that softened the tense lines that had always been present in the past.

"Morning, sleeping beauty." Edward said in that velvety voice of his.

"Good morning," I replied cheerily, much to my surprise as I had never been much of a morning person, but today was different. I would see Jasper today and finally begin to live the rest of my life. I could feel it deep in my soul, it was a growing resonance of sound that thrummed through my veins and made me feel alive. "What have you got there?" I asked gesturing to the tray he balanced perfectly with his hands.

"Carlisle's _famous_ English breakfast." He chuckled, sitting down on the bed and positioning the tray over my lap. "Honestly, it's only famous because it's the only thing he can really make."

I looked over the heaping plate of bacon, eggs, fried tomatoes, toast and mushrooms and snickered in agreement.

"You out did yourself on this, but as a last breakfast, this is just right." I said, not bothering to conceal my hope that things were about to change.

I watched a sad, haunted look flicker across his face for only a moment and then it was gone.

"Eat up," he urged, handing me a fork. "You're going to need your strength today."

I beamed up at him, knowing that I was finally going to get what I had been running away from for so long.

"Have you called Charlie yet?" He asked, his voice taking on a more paternal tone, reminding me of the way he used to watch out for me all those years ago when we were just two teenagers in love, although technically Edward wasn't a teenager at the time and I doubted that he ever really had been.

"I actually should have called him last night, well, the other night to let him know that I was coming." I said sheepishly. "It was kind of a quick decision for me to come out here."

"Not that quick," he added. "Alice had enough time to see what you were going to do so that I could get out here before... well, I think that she just kind of knew that it was time."

"She's good like that." I laughed, shoving a bite of eggs into my mouth and chewing quickly. "She doesn't need her sight to see. There are just some things she knows."

He didn't comment, only giving me a toothy grin before getting up from the bed and leaving the room.

I finished up the food on my plate, which was quite an achievement considering that I rarely ate more than a few bites of food at a time, and grabbed my cell to call my dad.

After getting the machine at the house and the voicemail on his phone, I gave up and called the station. While Mark explained about Charlie, I caught myself grinning at my reflection in the mirror that rested on the dresser. The end of every good story has all the ends tied up in a nice little bow. That was just how it worked.

"Thanks, Mark." I said into the receiver.

"Hey, no problem kid." I could actually hear his easy laugh through the phone. "You know, I worried about your Dad for the longest time. Charlie, he's a good man, always has something nice to say, always willing to lend a hand. It hurt to see him alone for so long."

I shook my head in agreement, although I knew that Mark couldn't see that through the phone.

"Rebecca... I tell you Bella, that woman is the one for him. The man walks around with a smile on his face for days after he gets home from visiting her up in New York."

Rebecca will do that to you." I remarked, fondly remembering how the woman had taken me under her wing and showed me what it was to simply be nothing but yourself.

"Well listen, you take care of yourself and don't be a stranger."

I hung up a minute later and laughed quietly to myself. My father and Rebecca. She would be good for him. If anyone could give Charlie a new life, it was her. I quickly redialed his cell and left a message, letting him know that I was safe and that I loved him.

"Hey Bella, did you want to hop into the shower?" I heard Edward yell from the stairs. "If you do, I need to reset the water heater and turn up the temperature."

"Yeah," I called back, even though I didn't need to shout that loud. With Edward's sensitive hearing, I could have whispered and he would have heard me.

"Give it fifteen minutes before turning the water on."

I sifted through my clothes, hoping to find something that would lend me the confidence that I would need to stand next to the man I loved and know that I was as much his as he was mine. As I stepped into the shower the words from the elderly man who worked at the hotel in Paris came back to me. I understood now, all the things he had been trying to tell me then.

With my shower done and my hair finally dried I cleared off the remaining steam from the mirror and set myself to arranging my hair into a loose chignon and applying a minimal amount of makeup. I stepped back from the mirror and clicked my tongue as I shot myself in the mirror. This was the woman I had always wanted to be. My eyes were bright, my skin glowing and an easy smile on my lips. I was a woman who knew what other women laid awake night after night dreaming of.

"Ready, set, action." I whispered as I opened the door from the bathroom into Esme and Carlisle's bedroom suit of cream and white.

Nothing could have prepared me for the sight that meet my eyes as I opened that door. All the years of holding onto his memory didn't do him justice in the least. In my mind, he had seemed to of transformed into some golden god, but what sat before on the bed was just a man, a handsome man and a vampire none the less, but he was just a man, the man I loved and my memories would never do him right.

His hair was still that golden blond that burned liquid in the sun. His eyes were still the beautiful color of amber that had captured me from the first moment I had seen his face. He was still tall, still solid, but most importantly, he was still here, looking at me like a man who had just seen the light at the end of a tunnel.

Time stood still as I drank him in, everything from the slight curl of his hair to the precise cut of his wool pants.

"If you would only take a few steps, you could be in my arms." Jasper said softly, breaking the spell that had fallen over me. His voice, that deep baritone laced with honey was a melody that sang in my heart, beckoning me forward, but I couldn't move. "Just two steps and I'll hold you close, tell you how much I love you, tell you how much I've missed you, how I've thought of you every moment of the day since you left. Just two steps separate us, two steps."

The_ I love you_ was all it took. I launched myself into his embrace, finally feeling what I had been missing for so long, this man that belonged to me and I to him.

His name was a broken cry on my lips as my hands clawed at his chest and arms, trying to bring myself closer to him, to feel every line in his body as it met with mine. I needed to feel his strength to reassure myself that it was real, that he was real, that the love I had denied myself for so long was actually standing next to me. He murmured words of love softly into my hair as I clutched onto him with all my strength. My tears poured, scalding my cheeks and soaking his soft shirt, but I didn't care. The fabric would eventually come clean just as my tears were cleansing my heart and soul.

I wasn't the only one struggling with finally being together once again. Jasper's body was wracked with ragged breaths and he was mumbling incoherent words breathlessly into my neck, my hair. His hands roamed over my skin, causing delicious shivers to run through me. He was re-memorizing me, just as I was him. I wanted to tell him that everything would be fine, that I wouldn't and couldn't leave him again. I knew that I would never be able to lose that part of myself that resided solely in his heart, without that slice of myself, I was incomplete. I just simply couldn't get the words out. One day I would, but for now, I knew that he knew.

"I love you," I cried against his neck in a desperate whisper. "I've loved you for so long."

I pulled away from him to look him in the eyes and I wasn't disappointed, they shone with his love.

His thumb rubbed against my cheek, his touch feeling warm even though it was cold. I watched the slight struggle in his gaze as he worried his bottom lips between his white teeth. I knew what he wanted, how could I not? I wanted it too. In the moments between his look and his kiss, my heart stopped and my breath came out labored, causing my chest to heave from the pressure. There was such a burning intensity between the two of us. His fingers wrapped into my hair and he pulled me closer, our bodies melding together perfectly. I cried out with tortured agony until he finally lowered his lips to mine, ending the terrible clutching of my heart.

I relaxed into his kiss and brought my hands up to delve into the silky hair at the nape of his neck. I knew, no matter how long I lived, that I would never be able to formulate into words how I felt at this moment. No poet would ever be able to express the love I felt towards this man. There would never be words because it just was. No phrase would ever be able to explain the multitude of my feelings and his combined.

As we sank to the floor, his lips pressed to mine and our hands now entwined I smiled.

"I love you, Bella." Jasper said, breaking the kiss. "I've wanted to tell you that everyday. Your face, your laughter, your voice. It was before my eyes every day."

I smiled against his throat as we lay down onto the carpet, my head coming to rest at the crook of his neck, a spot that had been made just for me. I pressed a kiss against his throat and inhaled his wonderful scent. I was home, _he_ was home.

Rebecca used to quote a poem by Edward Teller whenever I showed the slightest unease about life. I could hear her voice echoing in my head as my hand rested on the gentle rise and fall of Jasper's chest as we lay there together.

_When you come to the end of all light that you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: Either there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly._

There was no need for explanations for the past, no need to plan for the future because it was all set.

Fate had been kind and had given me both, a man who would keep me grounded when the world became too much and a man who would teach me how to fly with his love held close to my heart. Everything would be forgiven, there was no need to hold on to anything else, it wouldn't matter. We both new how it would always be. There would always be me, always be Jasper and without a doubt, there would always be us together.

We would have our good days, we would have our bad days. We might not always agree on everything and there could be moments as time wore on, where the passage of days might be too much for us, but there would still be us. He pulled me from the dark and into the light. Rescued me from the torture of living an incomplete life. I could feel warmth on my face in just a look from him and a fullness in my heart from just his touch. There would no longer be a me without him. I knew that and planned on showing him, every day for the rest of our lives.

* * *

One more chapter to go!


	19. Chapter 19 The Epilogue

So, here we are, the end of the story. I want to say thank you to everyone who reviewed this story and waited patiently for weeks and even months for updates. There was so much encouragement from everyone and it was such a wonderful experience getting this story out. I struggled with this story so much and those of you who started reading it in the begining know from my author's notes that this story literally made me want to rip out my hair at so many different points. But, finally, it's finished.

I really have to say thank-you to my beta, DollyBigMomma who put up with me for over a year with this story. She answered emails from me at all hours of the day and night. I'm sure she cringed several times while correcting my work. You are the best, my glue, my post it note. This story definitely wouldn't have gotten all the attention it has without you pushing me along and gently encouraging me through the touch spots.

I also want to say to the girls over at Sacrificial Lambs, YOU ROCK! Thank you for all the interviews and shout outs and all that jazz. It was really one of the coolest things ever! Nothing better than getting a pat on the back!

So, I present to you the end of our tale, told by none other than Alice. I'm going to go have a little cry and then start to finish out Revealing Eternity. Enjoy!

Chapter 19 – The Epilogue

"_I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be."_

_~ Douglas Adams_

I leaned back into his embrace and watched our family gathered around us. It had been a long road to get here, but we had finally arrived. There had been sharp, unexpected turns on the endless stretch of road, but they had shaped us all, changing us and turning us into what we were today.

I wish that I could say that my conscience was clear on the whole of it, but the truth was that it wasn't.

When you live as long as I have, you tend to forget that your actions can have lasting consequences on the future. I should have known that and should have followed my own advice. My only defense was that I did what I had thought was best, not for myself, but for everyone involved. I guess that's what will happen when you have so many relying on you for the truth. Just because you have the ability it doesn't give you the license to use it without restraint. I learned that the hard way.

"Let it go, love." His soft voice whispered into my ear, his warm breath sending hot currents through my veins. "It's in the past."

"I know." I replied, snuggling into his chest further.

Sure it worked out in the end, but I had kept them apart for so long. My first vision of Bella came to me years before we ever meet. At her emergence into the world, I knew that my life was going to change. No matter what I tried, the vision didn't change. Jasper was always going to end up with Bella.

I took matters into my own hands and urged the family to return to Forks, sure that if we were there that I could control the future. It hadn't taken much, gentle nudging on my part to Edward, had for a time, seemed to change the future. He had fallen in love with her quickly, recognizing her from brief glimpses of my visions, never knowing the full truth. It was sheer luck that she seemed to fall for him too.

For a few weeks, my visions changed slightly, allowing me to contemplate the chance that Jasper would remain mine. It didn't last long. On the day that Edward brought Bella to meet the rest of the family, my vision changed back to what I had always known. Jasper had finally seen Bella the way that he was meant to. It had only taken one look to pass between the two of them for something to click between them and set the events of the future into motion.

I tried to keep them apart, but I now knew that you can't stop destiny. Some things are set into stone long before they ever happen and no matter what you throw in the way, that writing can't change. Bella and Jasper were one of these things.

"I think it turned out alright." Edward said, brushing a fleck of snow out of my hair.

I smiled gently at him and pressed my lips to his.

Things had turned out the way that they were supposed to. Carlisle and Esme were still as in love as they were from the first time they met. Emmett and Rose were just them, completely in love with themselves as well as each other. Edward and I were something that I had seen once, long ago when Bella finally grew into a woman and realized that her life was waiting for her with Jasper. I let go of everything at that point and let fate run it's course. Seventy years after the day in Forks that Edward finally let Bella go, our friendship blossomed into love and eventually into what we were today. Two people madly in love.

I chuckled as I turned in Edward's embrace to see our family. I watched Rose attack Emmett from behind with a massive snowball that caused him to fall down to his knees and beg mercy from his beautiful wife.

My face broke out into a bright smile as I looked over at Jasper and Bella, their amber eyes the same color with the same expression, love. The scene struck me and I couldn't tear my eyes from them. They were just as they had always been in my vision and it was with a relative peace that I watched it finally unfold before my eyes.

They were surrounded by the white of the snow. The trees were glistening and the wind was blowing lightly, causing Bella's hair to fall in her eyes. I could see her smile and hear her laugh.

It was such a wonderful sound because Jasper was next to her, pulling her into his arms, simply loving her.

Just like he was always meant to do.


End file.
